isolation and dealing with single life as an adult

[forgiven1]

First, I just found this site today & it's so awesome. Long story short, I am divorced after a 25 year marriage. Actually, the asset part is still being drug out but the divorce itself is final. We separated in 09. I was married at 19 by the way. I went through a lot of difficult emotions after the split. I was angry at literally everyone. Even God. I quit church. Of course, it made the sense of helplessness worse. I met a guy that I was really falling for in 2010. He goes to church, volunteers etc. However, we were living on the fence. I started back into church volunteering for a youth program. God began to convict me of my lifestyle. So, the relationship ended. He didn't want marriage, I didn't see the point in dating & was committed to no premarital sex. That was more than six months ago. I definitely do not regret it although I really miss him sometimes. At the same time, I am an empty nester too. So everything my life revolved around is gone. Most of my "friends" have kids at home too so I am alone a lot. I live in a small town in a small state. The up side is I believe I had to get to this point to really give my all to Christ. Actually, that's a daily battle. The down side is I feel so isolated. I'm getting hit from all sides too. This divorce process drags on seemingly forever. The ex does dirty stuff constantly to me. I pass his business everyday & honestly, his life just seems so much better than mine. He has a live in (since 3 months after our split). He buys new toys, goes on trips, does stuff with the kids. I tried making changes in my life but God has definitely slammed doors shut in a way that leaves no doubt it was not His will for me. Friends that I do have (which are very few really) sometimes don't even call back or text back. Like I say, they have kids, I no they're busy. I would never even tell them it hurts me. But, does God really want me so isolated? I feel like David when he asked why did God forsake him. I worry life is passing me by.

[PostScript]

So sad. Hope things get better. You have no contact with your kids?

[forgiven1]

I do but they have their own lives and are busy. I have a daughter in grad school, a son with a wife & son of his own & an older daughter with two children. I do make a point of spending time with all of them as much as I can but even this weekend, for example, they all had their own trips planned out. I don't expect them to worry about me and I want their families to do things together. There is a purpose for where I am right now I just cannot see it yet. I guess I just need to hear that someone else has been there & to keep the faith, you know? I am making positive changes in my life, taken up running & biking, finishing a degree, & doing some work at church but it's just so weird to be so alone all the time. Never thougth it would happen in a million years but I'd make the same decision about the marriage if I had it to do over. At least my home is peaceful. And thank you for your concern.

[zoegirl]

I hear you, single at age 40.....no fun