Husband doesn't share my religion

[mum1983]

Hi everyone. I just wondered if any of you have experienced the difficulties of being married to a non-Chrstian? I guess I'm just looking for a place to rant really. I recently came back to the church for the first time since I was a child, and it was absolutely the right thing for me to do. I am hoping to get baptized soon. My husband on the other hand wants nothing to do with religion since his son from a pervious marriage passed away at a young age. That made him lose his faith. I am in no way whatsoever trying to pressure him into going to chuch with me and the kids (he doesn't mind me taking them but rolls his eyes whenever I read them Bible stories, which really hurts) but there have been times when I've asked him if he thinks he'd ever change his mind and I get a firm. "No!" Today we were taking our children for a walk and a group of disabled (some of them severely) children from a local school passed by with their helpers. After they'd gone, my husband looked at me and said "Did you see those poor children? How could I ever worship a god that allows innocents to suffer? "God" makes me sick." And I had no answer because sometimes I think that way too....

[RickD]

mum1983,
Welcome to the board.
While reading your post, it struck me that your husband is dealing with a lot of hurt and pain in his life. It could be from losing a child, like you said. He's blaming God, it seems. That's completely normal, and God knows where your husband is coming from.
My mom and dad's marriage is very similar to what you describe in your story. Neither was a Christian when they got married. Then, my Mom was saved, and my Dad didn't want anything to do with God. I can tell you that my Mom tried everything to get my Dad to come to Christ. I mean everything. All of it was for naught, until God showed my Mom that she should love my Dad, no matter what. And I mean there were times when she had a very difficult time showing him love. God will work through you, to speak to your husband. If you genuinely love your husband, he will see that. He needs your love and support, with what he's going through. I can't stress enough how important a wife's loving, non-judgmental support means to a husband.
I just ask that you constantly pray for your husband. Earnestly seek God's will, and what He wants you to do for your husband. God is faithful, especially when we aren't. Go to God with this. Cast all your problems on God. He can handle anything, and will lead you through this. Just remember, you can't change your husband. Only God can, and by loving your husband by the power of the Holy Spirit, your husband will notice.

"Did you see those poor children? How could I ever worship a god that allows innocents to suffer? "God" makes me sick."

That's showing me a very caring, and hurting man, in your husband. God wants us to earnestly seek Him. Believe it or not, your husband is reaching out in his own way. Please love him and support him where he is now.

[PaulSacramento]

The issue of suffering is perhaps THE biggest issue that keeps so many people from believing in God, including myself at one point.
For some reason we believe that God is SUPPOSE to fix the mistakes we ( humans make), that God's love is suppose to work the way WE want it and by that I mean to fix OUR problems, problems we can fix ourselves ( hunger, illness, war, drought, etc).
Why do we feel that way? Because we WANT, we NEED God to be the way WE want Him to be, to fix what we break.
Just like when we were children and wanted Mom and Dad to fix the mistakes and bad stuff we did.
It is far better to put the responsibility on God then on where it belongs, Us.
The pain we have is there for a reason and the fact that we KNOW that things shouldn't be the way they are, means something.
The problem is that we decide that it h as to be either or this:
There is no God we have to fix it ( that won't work).
There is a God and HE needs to fix it ( Not gonna happen).
The truth is that WE must fix it but can only do it WITH God.
We were created to be WITH God, working and living WITH God, not apart from Him.
Until we do that, it won't get fixed.

[Katabole]

Hello mum1983

I happen to work with the developmentally handicapped and have been doing so for twenty years. It has been a very joyous and rewarding journey and everyday I am reminded of how special life actually is. The developmentally handicapped, whether it be those who are autistic, schizophrenic, epileptic or those who have Down's syndrome or cerebral paulsy, they have taught me a lot about myself and in my opinion, they have a free ticket to heaven because they were born that way.

The Christian God described in the pages of the Bible is not the God of the dead. In fact what Jesus claims is:

Mark 12:27 He is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living: ye therefore do greatly err.

Also, God claims all souls are His:

Eze 18:4 Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

I was told something very wise years ago and it is something that has always stuck with me, that maybe you can share with your husband.

"God gives children to parents on loan and they should be treated as such". Your husband did not create the soul of the child that passed away. God did. When the child died, God took back the soul that was rightfully His.

I would certainly pray about this situation and ask God to ease the burden of pain your husband is carrying.

And I will pray for you and your husband that God will reveal Himself to your husband and give you the determination and guidance to get through this trying time.

[Danieltwotwenty]

Hi mum1983
I too am in a similar situation except the shoe is on the other foot, my wife is agnostic or atheist im not sure which as she doesnt like to discuss it.
I love talking about God but this causes a real strain on our relationship as she gets her back up when ever the topic comes up, mind you i dont talk about it willy nilly only when it is pertenant to the conversation.
Unfortunately i don't have any advise other than trust in the Lord and he will find a way, but i am letting you know your not the only one here that currently has this issue.
Daniel

[mum1983]

I want to sincerely thank you all for replying. It is a day to day battle. I know my husband is still in so much pain nearly 15 years after he lost his son. He has said he felt grateful towards God when our own children were born, so there is some hope. He is just so negative towards the church in general. I keep telling him how welcoming and friendly my church is, how right it feels to me and all he can say is "Well they haven't got you in their clutches yet, just wait and they'll start to try and control everything in your life." Well my church is pretty liberal, so I don't think that is gonna happen. It's just so difficult when I'm feeling so excited about knowing Jesus, or I feel the Holy Spirit working in my life--naturally I want to share it with him and he just grunts. Those of you passionate about Christ will know what I mean. Sometimes you just feel so joyful and I feel this way particularly when me and the kids are at church, and then we come home and he's just generally depressing to be around. I love him and he is my best friend but sometimes I feel we are growing apart. I will keep praying.

[RickD]

He is just so negative towards the church in general. I keep telling him how welcoming and friendly my church is, how right it feels to me and all he can say is "Well they haven't got you in their clutches yet, just wait and they'll start to try and control everything in your life."

That sounds like he is aware of a lot of what goes on in the church. Can you blame him for feeling that way, if that is all he knows of Christians? That is one reason why it's so important for you to love and support him. If you can love him by the power of the Holy Spirit, he will see the real Jesus. God has the power to change his heart through you.

[Danieltwotwenty]

He is just so negative towards the church in general. I keep telling him how welcoming and friendly my church is, how right it feels to me and all he can say is "Well they haven't got you in their clutches yet, just wait and they'll start to try and control everything in your life."

I dont want to sound harsh but these are the irrational arguments that i get from my wife, she hated the idea of me being a Christian so much she said she would rather me be the drug addicted, alchoholic, depressed, anxious and hatefilled person that i was rather than be a Christian. I find it really hard to reason with her as she has so many missconeptions and her logic is so false. but it is not up to me to convert her, the Holy Spirit will work inside her heart and hopefully maybe oneday she will accept Christ. All i can do up until that point is try to set an example of what a Christain is ( i fail many times ) and pray to God for guidance.

Daniel

[RickD]

He is just so negative towards the church in general. I keep telling him how welcoming and friendly my church is, how right it feels to me and all he can say is "Well they haven't got you in their clutches yet, just wait and they'll start to try and control everything in your life."

I dont want to sound harsh but these are the irrational arguments that i get from my wife, she hated the idea of me being a Christian so much she said she would rather me be the drug addicted, alchoholic, depressed, anxious and hatefilled person that i was rather than be a Christian. I find it really hard to reason with her as she has so many missconeptions and her logic is so false. but it is not up to me to convert her, the Holy Spirit will work inside her heart and hopefully maybe oneday she will accept Christ. All i can do up until that point is try to set an example of what a Christain is ( i fail many times ) and pray to God for guidance.

Daniel

Daniel, can't you see that's because she hasn't experienced God's love for herself. Of course it seems irrational to us, but just remember where we were before we were saved. She needs you to love her, not try to reason with her. By your loving her, and her seeing God's love through you, she will open up to God herself. Then, and only then, will she listen to reason. But you need to take one step at a time.
Ephesians 5:25 tells us to love our wives as Christ loved the church.
YOU may be the only way that your wife sees who God really is, through your love for her.

[Danieltwotwenty]

Daniel, can't you see that's because she hasn't experienced God's love for herself. Of course it seems irrational to us, but just remember where we were before we were saved. She needs you to love her, not try to reason with her. By your loving her, and her seeing God's love through you, she will open up to God herself. Then, and only then, will she listen to reason. But you need to take one step at a time.
Ephesians 5:25 tells us to love our wives as Christ loved the church.
YOU may be the only way that your wife sees who God really is, through your love for her.

Point taken.

[domokunrox]

My answer to those who have a problem with suffering is philosophical instead using only the bible. The bible is good for those who are open minded to those who want to find truth in it.

There is no explicit contradiction to God's existence and suffering, and no implicit contradiction has ever been proven. Free will of man entails that God cannot prevent suffering from existing. It is logically impossible to make someone freely do something.
It is possible that God could not create a world with the amount of good we want, but less suffering, and permitting the suffering has reason.

In the christian doctrine, the purpose of life on earth is not happiness. The purpose of life of a christian is knowledge of God. Mankind is in rebellion to God and his will. God's will is eternal life with him where there is no suffering.

Also, Jesus suffered more then the world combined.

[StMonicaGuideMe]

I want to sincerely thank you all for replying. It is a day to day battle. I know my husband is still in so much pain nearly 15 years after he lost his son. He has said he felt grateful towards God when our own children were born, so there is some hope. He is just so negative towards the church in general. I keep telling him how welcoming and friendly my church is, how right it feels to me and all he can say is "Well they haven't got you in their clutches yet, just wait and they'll start to try and control everything in your life." Well my church is pretty liberal, so I don't think that is gonna happen. It's just so difficult when I'm feeling so excited about knowing Jesus, or I feel the Holy Spirit working in my life--naturally I want to share it with him and he just grunts. Those of you passionate about Christ will know what I mean. Sometimes you just feel so joyful and I feel this way particularly when me and the kids are at church, and then we come home and he's just generally depressing to be around. I love him and he is my best friend but sometimes I feel we are growing apart. I will keep praying.

I am in the same boat as you, except my husband used to be a devout Christian. A year or two before we were married, he said he considered himself more "agnostic", and it should have concerned me then. But after we got married, he became an atheist and is literally vengeful against everything Christian. I've had to put up with him saying to me "go ahead and believe in your bronze aged sky-god if that makes you feel better, I prefer to think critically", "love is an evolutionary measure" (aka: I'm only with you because my biological mechanisms tell me to be: ouch) and "I'm not letting you baptize our kids".

Suffice to say, if my soul is in danger of being lost, and the souls of my potential children, by such blatant anger and resentment, then I'm not sure exactly what to do.

I pray your husband finds God for the sake of his salvation. <3

[jlay]

I've been watching a series by Frank Turek on understanding different personality types and how this translates to communicating the gospel. There are several questions you can ask. Often we want to tell people, without ever asking them their opinions and feelings. There are several questions you can use to get more info and disarm a person who is at odds with God. It is obvious your husband is angry at God. Afterall, if there is no God, then what else other than complete self-absorption is his grief. It is equivilant to saying Barrack Obama doesn't really exist because I don't like his policies.

Tureks work can be found at http://www.crossexamined.org

"love is an evolutionary measure

Monica, You should make him a nice anniversary card that communicats such.


[urlhttp://www.crossexamined.org/blog/?p=229][/url]
here is a fantastic blog on the issue of suffering.

[La Volpe]

If I may offer my insight it seems that your husbands faith is for lack of a better word conditional. I think he just needs to see that God never said life was going to be easy or fun but that he should believe in him because he knows its right. From what you say I can tell you that he DOES deep down really want to believe in God just give him time keep doing what you're doing now and ignore him if he gives you a hard time for believing in God. I also found this which I thought you may like to read, http://powertochange.com/experience/sex ... andsfaith/.

I hope I helped mum I'll keep you in my prayers.