StMonicaGuideMe wrote:If he wishes to leave, he can. He's chosen not to.
As for the counseling, he flat out won't go.
StMonica, If your husband is staying, then may I suggest something? You have nothing to lose, and much to gain. I'm asking you to pray to God, to ask Him to give you the strength to love your husband. Just love him. Don't preach to him. Don't judge him. Don't correct him spiritually. Don't quote scripture to him. Just love him. If you continually pray to God, for the power to do this, God will give you the strength. Try this for 2 weeks. Remember, no matter how difficult it seems at the time, just love him. No complaining, just show your husband love. Let me know in 2 weeks how he responded.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
You know, when we turn any relationship into a "I'm right and you're wrong" relationship, what exactly are we doing?
We are focusing on BLAMING and not on fixing.
I've always said "screw whos' to blame, lets fix this so it doesn't happen again".
Its a business motto that works very well and also a way of being in a relationship that is proactive as opposed to being defensive.
The Christian way is the way of Love, not blame and not accusations, but love.
What did Paul say about love?
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love
Paul, what would you recommend I do? Simply allow the horrible words to continue to be said towards me? I've forgiven him, and said this, for the hate that was spewed, but I'm a woman. I hate to admit this weakness but over time, being spoken to like that wears one down, beats one down. I'm afraid any backbone I have left will be eaten away by resentment towards him. I don't know what to do other than stay quiet.
To sustain the belief that there is no God, atheism has to demonstrate infinite knowledge, which is tantamount to saying, “I have infinite knowledge that there is no being in existence with infinite knowledge".
StMonicaGuideMe wrote:If he wishes to leave, he can. He's chosen not to.
As for the counseling, he flat out won't go.
StMonica, If your husband is staying, then may I suggest something? You have nothing to lose, and much to gain. I'm asking you to pray to God, to ask Him to give you the strength to love your husband. Just love him. Don't preach to him. Don't judge him. Don't correct him spiritually. Don't quote scripture to him. Just love him. If you continually pray to God, for the power to do this, God will give you the strength. Try this for 2 weeks. Remember, no matter how difficult it seems at the time, just love him. No complaining, just show your husband love. Let me know in 2 weeks how he responded.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Hi Rick. I started this about a week ago. I haven't sent him anything except "I forgive you for what you've said and I have hope that we may eventually be happy again". One more week to go...
But, and this is a question obviously for all the gentlemen, doesn't it seem like a woman is simply avoiding a problem when she doesn't address it? Won't keeping quiet, not discussing what his points of contention are, won't that make me seem like I'm backing down?
To sustain the belief that there is no God, atheism has to demonstrate infinite knowledge, which is tantamount to saying, “I have infinite knowledge that there is no being in existence with infinite knowledge".
StMonicaGuideMe wrote:If he wishes to leave, he can. He's chosen not to.
As for the counseling, he flat out won't go.
StMonica, If your husband is staying, then may I suggest something? You have nothing to lose, and much to gain. I'm asking you to pray to God, to ask Him to give you the strength to love your husband. Just love him. Don't preach to him. Don't judge him. Don't correct him spiritually. Don't quote scripture to him. Just love him. If you continually pray to God, for the power to do this, God will give you the strength. Try this for 2 weeks. Remember, no matter how difficult it seems at the time, just love him. No complaining, just show your husband love. Let me know in 2 weeks how he responded.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Hi Rick. I started this about a week ago. I haven't sent him anything except "I forgive you for what you've said and I have hope that we may eventually be happy again". One more week to go...
But, and this is a question obviously for all the gentlemen, doesn't it seem like a woman is simply avoiding a problem when she doesn't address it? Won't keeping quiet, not discussing what his points of contention are, won't that make me seem like I'm backing down?
If you aren't living together, then it becomes a bit more difficult. StMonica, I assure you If you do what I suggest, as I suggested it, he will notice.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
You can't control his actions. But, with the help of God, you can control yours. Just love him.
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
StMonicaGuideMe wrote:If he wishes to leave, he can. He's chosen not to.
As for the counseling, he flat out won't go.
StMonica, If your husband is staying, then may I suggest something? You have nothing to lose, and much to gain. I'm asking you to pray to God, to ask Him to give you the strength to love your husband. Just love him. Don't preach to him. Don't judge him. Don't correct him spiritually. Don't quote scripture to him. Just love him. If you continually pray to God, for the power to do this, God will give you the strength. Try this for 2 weeks. Remember, no matter how difficult it seems at the time, just love him. No complaining, just show your husband love. Let me know in 2 weeks how he responded.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Hi Rick. I started this about a week ago. I haven't sent him anything except "I forgive you for what you've said and I have hope that we may eventually be happy again". One more week to go...
But, and this is a question obviously for all the gentlemen, doesn't it seem like a woman is simply avoiding a problem when she doesn't address it? Won't keeping quiet, not discussing what his points of contention are, won't that make me seem like I'm backing down?
If you aren't living together, then it becomes a bit more difficult. StMonica, I assure you If you do what I suggest, as I suggested it, he will notice.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
You can't control his actions. But, with the help of God, you can control yours. Just love him.
This is what my priest said, too...huh, it's funny...at first it seemed so silly, even when it was first suggested to me, but now it seems like the most simple answer...somehow...strange...Thank you, brother
To sustain the belief that there is no God, atheism has to demonstrate infinite knowledge, which is tantamount to saying, “I have infinite knowledge that there is no being in existence with infinite knowledge".
This is what my priest said, too...huh, it's funny...at first it seemed so silly, even when it was first suggested to me, but now it seems like the most simple answer...somehow...strange...Thank you, brother
Your welcome StMonica. Sometimes simple is best.
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
StMon, by your loving, non-judgmental actions, not only are you addressing the problem, you are speaking volumes. He will notice and may even soften a bit. A complete change of heart, however, takes time so be prepared to be invested in this marriage for the long haul.
Let us proclaim the mystery of our faith: Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again.
Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.
StMonicaGuideMe wrote:Paul, what would you recommend I do? Simply allow the horrible words to continue to be said towards me? I've forgiven him, and said this, for the hate that was spewed, but I'm a woman. I hate to admit this weakness but over time, being spoken to like that wears one down, beats one down. I'm afraid any backbone I have left will be eaten away by resentment towards him. I don't know what to do other than stay quiet.
What others have suggested here: let your actions speak for you.
Pray for Him out of love.
Be the changes you want to see happen in Him and realize that is ALL you can do, the rest is up to Him.
He can change only if HE wants to.
All WE can ever do is fix OURSELVES, we can't fix anyone else.
Thank you friends for nothing but the truth. Byblos, I am willing to be in this for the long haul -- I meant my vows. I simply won't follow him in immorality. I put all my trust in our Father to take care of this situation. I will act as lovingly as possible, with care and gentleness. I will try to put aside hurt feelings and always turn that other cheek, back and forth if it gets that bad! (heh). You're all very right -- I need to be the example of my beliefs, I need to be the example of Christ. This is going to be my biggest test of faith, I think, because I know it will require much selflessness.
I'm so glad you all understand. I have many "secular" friends, and even my own family members, said "oh, well, that sucks, get an annulment". No. No. NO. I will not be one of those people.
To sustain the belief that there is no God, atheism has to demonstrate infinite knowledge, which is tantamount to saying, “I have infinite knowledge that there is no being in existence with infinite knowledge".
Is this verbal abuse? i'm not sure we should be recommending her staying in an abusive relationship.
If you feel you can reveal what he is asking you to do here, then by all mean, if you are comfortable sending me a pm, I feel like we are all givign advice without knowing the situation.
"And we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Jesus Christ"
I'm sorry I've not responded in some time. But, I have an amazing miracle to share. While my husband still does not accept Christ for himself, he has changed his mind on the one contention that was about to break apart our marriage, which was the rearing of our children (he did not want them to be raised "religiously" at all) which came suddenly after our wedding. The fact this happened on the feast of the Epiphany, to me, seems like a miracle. I was ready to end this, because there is nothing that would pull me from Christ, and He came through in the end and softened my husbands heart enough to stay true to his promise. I want to thank each of you for your loving prayers and support. Please continue to pray that he finds Christ's truth and love through our marriage and that I will be a living example of it each and every day.
To sustain the belief that there is no God, atheism has to demonstrate infinite knowledge, which is tantamount to saying, “I have infinite knowledge that there is no being in existence with infinite knowledge".
StMonicaGuideMe wrote:Hello brothers and sisters in Christ,
I'm sorry I've not responded in some time. But, I have an amazing miracle to share. While my husband still does not accept Christ for himself, he has changed his mind on the one contention that was about to break apart our marriage, which was the rearing of our children (he did not want them to be raised "religiously" at all) which came suddenly after our wedding. The fact this happened on the feast of the Epiphany, to me, seems like a miracle. I was ready to end this, because there is nothing that would pull me from Christ, and He came through in the end and softened my husbands heart enough to stay true to his promise. I want to thank each of you for your loving prayers and support. Please continue to pray that he finds Christ's truth and love through our marriage and that I will be a living example of it each and every day.
Thanks, StMonica. That's great news. He will give you the strength to love your husband. I'll continue to pray as well.
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
My father raised me without ever forcing me to go to church. I was baptized at age 13. If I did not want to go he would respect it. Even after he became pastor again. It worked reverse psychology on me and now I actually like going to church. Tell your child that you would respect their decision to choose their position on belief. It was not going to church or following social rules that helped me to be crhistian, but instead his and my mother's lifestyle. I know it can be a problem when children are corraled to their belief without them knowing and some of my friends resent christianity because of it. By my testamony I think the lifestyle I observe in my parents outweighs anything about having a religious life in terms of living the religious life. Congragultions I will pray for fruit in your marriage.
Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.
