I need help. (female problems.)

[Reactionary]

Oh thank you . I'm flattered.

I take every relationship seriously. The problem is, I haven't been in a relationship . Unlike most people, I don't date to date. I date to marry, which I believe is a big problem nowadays with our generation.

No problem. But take things slowly, Dallas. If you're single today, you're not going to get married tomorrow. I don't advocate "dating to date", but marriage is a lifelong decision, which needs to be well thought out. You need to get to know the girl in question, that's what dating is for. Sometimes, you'll find during dating that she's not for you. That's not a disgrace, it only means that you should move on. You can't see a girl and propose to her immediately. She'll run away from you, scared. So as I said, take things slowly.

[RickD]

I take every relationship seriously. The problem is, I haven't been in a relationship . Unlike most people, I don't date to date. I date to marry, which I believe is a big problem nowadays with our generation.

Dallas, what's wrong with dating a girl, for the sake of dating, and getting to know someone on a friendly basis, without dating just to find a marriage partner? Especially at your age? You would get to meet new, exciting people. Seems like a positive experience to me. Unless this married, old fart is missing something?

[Dallas]

Dallas, what's wrong with dating a girl, for the sake of dating, and getting to know someone on a friendly basis, without dating just to find a marriage partner? Especially at your age? You would get to meet new, exciting people. Seems like a positive experience to me. Unless this married, old fart is missing something?

Here are my views. When I look at relationships in todays society, I see a lot of "touchy feely." That's what people want, at least I think. They want to be "physically" loved, instead of the emotional and spiritual love. That's were my problem comes in. I do not want a physical relationship, this includes: french kissing, sex, sharing drinks, etc... The sharing drinks one? Ha . That's a germ problem I have. I want to love someone emotionally before I want to love someone physically. And everyone else's views are quite the opposite.

Plus i'm not saying dating is bad, but people just hop into relationships without getting to know the person before dating. I don't want to date and date and date to find that one person. I want that one person to be my first and only date, then my wife. But, that's not going to happen is it?

[RickD]

Here are my views. When I look at relationships in todays society, I see a lot of "touchy feely." That's what people want, at least I think. They want to be "physically" loved, instead of the emotional and spiritual love. That's were my problem comes in. I do not want a physical relationship, this includes: french kissing, sex, sharing drinks, etc

I tend to agree with you here, and I understand. Well, except for the sharing drinks part(that's a little anal retentive if you asked me). I'm not saying share drinks with any girl you date, but it's kinda natural once you get to know each other more.

I don't want to date and date and date to find that one person. I want that one person to be my first and only date, then my wife. But, that's not going to happen is it?

There's one way that it might happen. I heard Russia has a pretty good "mail order bride" thing going on.

Dating, in its proper context, should be for getting to know people, and becoming friends. Dating doesn't have to quickly lead to a physical(sexual) relationship.

[StMonicaGuideMe]

Rick is 100% right, in my opinion. Dating doesn't have to, nor should it,quickly lead to a physical relationship. In fact, due to our, unfortunately powerful human nature, our bodies will make connections with someone when we become physical. In a perfect world, we only become physical with those who are ideal for us and when the time is right. However, we don't live in a perfect world. Becoming intimate too soon will lead to confusion often times (especially for women) - you have a cocktail of hormones, emotions and a *little* bit of reason, but once you become intimate with someone, even just a little, our physical nature works in over-drive to bond us and helps us seek reasons why we should be with them even if we shouldn't. It's nature's way of keeping us united to our partners. The problem is that in our society, we're pushing the hormonally driven view first and the rational view second. Actually, it's worse than that. We're pushing the hormonally driven view AS the rational view; "we're just animals after-all".

[Dallas]

I don't know if i'm interpreting this right, but I don't want to go straight into a physical relationship. It's far from that. I want a more emotional, spiritual relationship more than anything. I want her to be a follower of Christ, but who is willing to follow me. All the touchy stuff can come after marriage.

[PaulSacramento]

Finding the right person is never easy.
Note I said FINDING as in the process of "where to look" as opposed to dating and dating and dating hoping to find something that we don't even know what we want yet.
I am tempted to say "trust in the Lord and He will provide" but too many times the Lord does that but we are to blind to see it.
We have to also take responsibility in KNOWING what we want, what we need and the difference between them.
We must be happy and content and fulfilled in US before we can find our compliment in an other.
No person can make us happy or content, that is too much to ask of anyone, but the right person completes Us, fills in the missing piece.
The physical part is the icing on the cake of course, but it is NOT the cake, BUT the cake without it is NOT as good or "finished" as the cake with it.
Balance is the key to life.
We date to get to know someone, for some it may take months and others years.
If you date a couple of times a week it indeed may take years, if you date 4-5 a week, far less of course.
It is up to you to decide how much time is worth investing in getting to know someone.
Wanting an emotional and spiritual relationship is great, but lest be honest for a moment:
Those are the "high ideals" of a relationship and if you can't get the "easy stuff" (day-to-day rapport, friendship, compatibility, and yes the physical part) then the "higher" ones will be even harder.

[Dallas]

I'm being honest here, I never actually knew what dating was when I posted this. A little embarrassing but I don't care . I always thought you dated someone because you like them, and getting to know them was just part of the territory. I guess I'm wrong than . The reason why I want to be with someone so emotionally is because I don't want to have a divorce, and my kids have separate parents. I don't want them to go through that like I did. Yet, you can't be emotionally attracted if you're not physically attracted I guess.

[PaulSacramento]

Its a balance but no one can deny that the physical part is bets when the emotional and spiritual are there.
It's the difference from sex and making love, not to sound corny.
Anyone can have sex, it takes two people in love, passionate about each other and committed to each other to make love.