Sexless marriage

[mum1983]

I didn't know where to put this. I guess it's a a prayer request and a need to vent at the same time. I am feeling so low at the moment, I really need to talk.

I am living in a sexless marriage due to my husband's health. We have never had a "normal" sexlife and I knew my husband had troubles in that department when we married, but I wasn't sure if it was due to psychological or physical problems. I assumed it was all in his head because sometimes he could and other times he couldn't. I thought things would get better (building up love, trust, etc) but they got worse. A little over two years ago, after my husband's diagnosis as diabetic with angina, our sexlife stopped completely. All of this led to my mental breakdown last summer. I am still trying to put my life together nearly a year later.

I am a busy stay at home mother, I have interests and love to read and write (this sometimes helps take my mind off my problems, but only for so long) but I cannot find any long term healing for my soul. I have received six counselling sessions and came out with no real constructive help. What good are suggestions I have already tried them all already? I am not interested in other ways, I want to be made love to the "normal" way. I am heartbroken over this. My husband knows it too and as soon as the kids go up to bed, he goes upstairs too, under the pretext of "getting them off to sleep" but he stays up there all night, every night. Then when I'm going up to bed myself, he comes down and sleeps on the couch.

Lately I've been asking God why this has had to happen. My first marriage broke up because my husband lost interest in me sexually after the birth of our first and only child. Most of the time I feel like I'm just existing. This is no way to live.

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

You've got a serious problem; and so will your children because you and your husband are models for the spouses they will choose later on.

FL

[Philip]

mum1983, please go ASAP to this site (http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/viewforum.php?f=23). This site, themarriagebed.com, is a Christian website devoted to Godly sexuality. Every issue under the sun is discussed there and I can guarantee you will find not only a lot of fantastic information, but also countless Godly men and women who have been through your type of issues and who will be glad to give you great advice as well as point you to resources. Please go there, sign up and post exactly what you have done here. The link I put above is only one of several categories that would relate to your issues, but upon your posting, I can guarantee you that people will point you in the right direction or give you some very wise advice.

Hope this helps!

[zoegirl]

I am sorry to hear, mum, and will pray for you. Has he been to counseling with you? Is he not willing to open up to you?

[CallMeDave]

I didn't know where to put this. I guess it's a a prayer request and a need to vent at the same time. I am feeling so low at the moment, I really need to talk.

I am living in a sexless marriage due to my husband's health. We have never had a "normal" sexlife and I knew my husband had troubles in that department when we married, but I wasn't sure if it was due to psychological or physical problems. I assumed it was all in his head because sometimes he could and other times he couldn't. I thought things would get better (building up love, trust, etc) but they got worse. A little over two years ago, after my husband's diagnosis as diabetic with angina, our sexlife stopped completely. All of this led to my mental breakdown last summer. I am still trying to put my life together nearly a year later.

I am a busy stay at home mother, I have interests and love to read and write (this sometimes helps take my mind off my problems, but only for so long) but I cannot find any long term healing for my soul. I have received six counselling sessions and came out with no real constructive help. What good are suggestions I have already tried them all already? I am not interested in other ways, I want to be made love to the "normal" way. I am heartbroken over this. My husband knows it too and as soon as the kids go up to bed, he goes upstairs too, under the pretext of "getting them off to sleep" but he stays up there all night, every night. Then when I'm going up to bed myself, he comes down and sleeps on the couch.

Lately I've been asking God why this has had to happen. My first marriage broke up because my husband lost interest in me sexually after the birth of our first and only child. Most of the time I feel like I'm just existing. This is no way to live.

What you have described is a possibility in every marriage....that is, a Spouse can get a disease or be in an accident that leaves him/her somewhat sexually impaired. However, the impaired Spouse still has the responsibility and capability to sexually satisfy his Marriage Partner and should be willing to do so . If normal intercourse is not viable, then there is still oral and finger stimulation in addition to increasing affection toward the Other when laying beside one another . I tend to think its a matter of the Will regarding your husband and not so much physical incapability....and for that, he and you really need to enter professional Chrstian Counselling asap before you gradually start moving closer to a possible extra marital affair . I think all of us here can lift you up in prayer as well as your Husband.

[PaulSacramento]

Is this only a sex issue or is it also an intimacy issue?
Is there still passion and tenderness and love and togetherness?
You keep saying "normal" in regards to sex...what does that mean?