Divorce and Remarriage

ochotseat · Post by **ochotseat** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 7:55 pm

kateliz wrote: You are free to remarry if your ex-spouse has died. Before then it's a sin, but afterwards it's not..

Says who? I never heard a minister or priest say that.

kateliz · Post by **kateliz** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:26 pm

Matthew 5:32"and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Matthew 19:3-9

Romans 7:1-3

Ah! I see now where my former readings of these has led me astray. What's said here, then, is that if you are the one participating in the divorcing and remarrying then you are sinning, but if you are an innocent victim of your spouses' decision for divorce you are free to remarry any time afterwards. That's much easier to accept and live with, isn't it! See, God is a good God; He's not unfair.

I was wrong; I am sorry.

I had been very concerned for both of my parents for many years on this issue, (they got divorced when I was four because my dad beat my mom,) and now I see I shouldn't have been- they were both free to remarry.

Again, I am sorry. And for all those I ever taught wrong on this before.

ochotseat · Post by **ochotseat** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 9:51 pm

kateliz wrote:Matthew 5:32"and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Matthew 19:3-9

Romans 7:1-3

Ah! I see now where my former readings of these has led me astray. What's said here, then, is that if you are the one participating in the divorcing and remarrying then you are sinning, but if you are an innocent victim of your spouses' decision for divorce you are free to remarry any time afterwards. That's much easier to accept and live with, isn't it! See, God is a good God; He's not unfair.

I was wrong; I am sorry.

I had been very concerned for both of my parents for many years on this issue, (they got divorced when I was four because my dad beat my mom,) and now I see I shouldn't have been- they were both free to remarry.

Again, I am sorry. And for all those I ever taught wrong on this before.

So if you're a spouse who decides to divorce your significant other because he or she was abusive or adulterous, then God disapproves you remarrying? I've never heard a pastor say that.

Prodigal Son · Post by **Prodigal Son** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:19 pm

littleshepard:

so you really think it is selfish to expect to continue having intercourse in a healthy relationship after divorce?

does everyone think this? it is completely unrealistic to expect a man (or woman) to halt all sexual behavior as the result of divorce. i have a feeling this is one of those ot laws that was "done away with."

bizzt · Post by **bizzt** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:29 pm

Prodigal Son wrote:littleshepard:

so you really think it is selfish to expect to continue having intercourse in a healthy relationship after divorce?

does everyone think this? it is completely unrealistic to expect a man (or woman) to halt all sexual behavior as the result of divorce. i have a feeling this is one of those ot laws that was "done away with."

Are we talking after you are re-married?

Prodigal Son · Post by **Prodigal Son** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 2:35 pm

well, everyone's saying you can't remarry unless your spouse has died. that would mean no intercourse ever again because we can't have sex outside of marriage, right?

jerickson314 · Post by **jerickson314** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 3:14 pm

Prodigal Son wrote:i have a feeling this is one of those ot laws that was "done away with."

This rule is only mentioned in the New Testament. It is in fact mentioned right as Jesus is doing away with another OT law, the one permitting free divorce.

Prodigal Son wrote:does everyone think this? it is completely unrealistic to expect a man (or woman) to halt all sexual behavior as the result of divorce.

That's why he or she shouldn't divorce in the first place.

Prodigal Son wrote:well, everyone's saying you can't remarry unless your spouse has died. that would mean no intercourse ever again because we can't have sex outside of marriage, right?

Right, unless you go back to your first spouse. When you make your marriage vows, you are vowing to have sex with nobody else until your spouse dies. This is why divorce and remarriage is wrong.

ochotseat · Post by **ochotseat** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:23 pm

jerickson314 wrote:This is why divorce and remarriage is wrong.

Depends if abuse or cheating was involved.

jerickson314 · Post by **jerickson314** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 6:23 pm

ochotseat wrote:
jerickson314 wrote:This is why divorce and remarriage is wrong.
Depends if abuse or cheating was involved.

I was being general. In any case, with abuse or cheating it is the abuser or cheater who is unfaithful.

LittleShepherd · Post by **LittleShepherd** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:17 pm

Prodigal Son wrote:So you really think it is selfish to expect to continue having intercourse in a healthy relationship after divorce?

It really depends on the nature of the divorce. If cheating or abuse was involved, then you're allowed to sever your relationship with no spiritual problem. I mean, it's still not to be done lightly, but the option is there, and it's not adultery in such a case.

If it's like 99% of the divorces that actually happen nowadays, then yes, it is selfish to want to marry someone else and have sex with them. Of course, your divorce itself was an act of selfishness, so it's really no surprise. Sin leads to sin.

The commands not to divorce or remarry, and not to have sex out of marriage, aren't unreasonable at all anyway. I understand that some people struggle with sexual sin more than I do, but resisting such temptations is hardly unmanageable. God's help in all things is sufficient -- to claim some of His commands to be unreasonable is to place artificial limits on God.

ochotseat · Post by **ochotseat** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 1:30 am

jerickson314 wrote: I was being general. In any case, with abuse or cheating it is the abuser or cheater who is unfaithful.

Being abusive doesn't necessarily mean they're also cheating on the side.
Also, cheating to get even with an unfaithful spouse just makes you equally horrid.

Prodigal Son · Post by **Prodigal Son** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 10:19 am

couldn't do it.

Prodigal Son · Post by **Prodigal Son** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 2:29 pm

actually, i'm kind of freaking out. the more i think about it, the more impossible it seems. why would He make a law like that? isn't it kind of unnatural? i'm currently separated and i'm suffering. i can't imagine that if things don't go well, i'll have to do this for the rest of my life. i know there are tons of christians who are remarried and it never seems to be an issue. i mean, you can't even masturbate (because who really does it without lusting...come on); besides, it's nowhere close to the real thing.

if you do get remarried is that horrible? or have sex outside of marriage once you divorce (i mean, you're no longer a virgin anyways...it's already been done) is that like openly defying God; maybe it isn't really that serious?

ochotseat · Post by **ochotseat** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 3:59 pm

Prodigal Son wrote:actually, i'm kind of freaking out. the more i think about it, the more impossible it seems. why would He make a law like that? isn't it kind of unnatural? i'm currently separated and i'm suffering. i can't imagine that if things don't go well, i'll have to do this for the rest of my life. i know there are tons of christians who are remarried and it never seems to be an issue. i mean, you can't even masturbate (because who really does it without lusting...come on); besides, it's nowhere close to the real thing.

if you do get remarried is that horrible? or have sex outside of marriage once you divorce (i mean, you're no longer a virgin anyways...it's already been done) is that like openly defying God; maybe it isn't really that serious?

Join a liberal congregation.

LittleShepherd · Post by **LittleShepherd** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 9:26 pm

actually, i'm kind of freaking out. the more i think about it, the more impossible it seems.

Phillippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ that strengthen me.
Matthew 19:26b - With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
Mark 9:23 - And Jesus said to him, "If you can! All things are possible to him who believes."

Why would He make a law like that?

Because sexual purity(like all kinds of purity) is a very big deal to Him. If it's important to Him, then we should trust Him and make it important to us, too. Also, this is something that requires discipline. Sexual purity in both thought and deed aren't something that just springs up naturally -- in fact, "nature" would seem to want us to do the exact opposite. God never promised things would be easy. His only promise is that He'd be there to help us through it, and to pick us up when we stumble.

i can't imagine that if things don't go well, i'll have to do this for the rest of my life. i know there are tons of christians who are remarried and it never seems to be an issue.

Well, it's time to stretch your imagination. You can't look to the actions of others to justify what you want to do -- it doesn't work that way. We have a set standard to live by, and it doesn't change no matter how many people conveniently ignore it. I suppose it all comes down to how much you want to follow Christ. You have a prime opportunity to prove your loyalty here -- you can settle for the mediocrity that plagues our churches, or you can aim for something greater.

if you do get remarried is that horrible? or have sex outside of marriage once you divorce (i mean, you're no longer a virgin anyways...it's already been done) is that like openly defying God; maybe it isn't really that serious?

It depends on the details of the divorce. In a divorce, at least one person is committing adultery, but not always both. The relevent details have been detailed above.
Yes, it would be openly defying God.
And yes, it is that serious. God took the time to spell out his standards of sexual purity. His apostles continuously wrote about problems the church was having with marriage and sex. You can rest assured that it's a very big deal.

I do have some idea where you're coming from. I'm not without sexual sin myself. And I have quite a few friends who have actually had sex. They've all told me the same things at one point or another. Stuff like "Once you've had sex, you can't stop." and "I can't imagine going without sex." Having sex doesn't "get it out of your system," like many people claim. It simply reinforces and strengthens the desire, ensuring that it comes back even stronger. One of my friends was so addicted to sex that if she went without it for a few days she'd end up skittish -- she literally couldn't relax or sit still until she had sex.

Even with the desire being strong, though, it's not a need. It's a want, and if you indulge in it improperly it won't fix anything. You'll end up wanting it even more than you already do. You'll hurt yourself and whoever you use to get your fix. And yes, it'll also make you unfaithful to God, and there's a 100% chance that you'll lose yet another opportunity to develop the discipline necessary for the Christian life.