Canadian Joke

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

THE TALKING DOG

An American is driving around in the bucolic landscape of southern Ontario when he sees a sign on a decrepit little house:

TALKING DOG FOR SALE

He stops and knocks on the door. The owner of the house tells him that the dog is in the back yard, ''Go see fer yerself, eh!''

The American goes around to the yard and sees a black Labrador. ''Hello?'' he says. The dog answers, ''Good morning!'' Stunned, the American stammers, ''Tell me about yourself.''

''Well,' the dog said, 'because I can talk, I was recruited by the RCMP when I was a puppy and worked as a special agent all over the world. I worked from Canadian embassies and diplomatic missions, and spied on foreign heads of state and was able to collect much information which proved instrumental in preserving the security of my country. I was one of Canada's most efficient special agents and my Government has decorated me with numerous medals in recognition of my service.'

'...but, all the travel...the constant jet lag...all the foreign kibble eventually got to me. I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So, I took a job in security at Toronto's airport and was able to catch many unsavoury characters and stop many illicit transactions. Then one day I got married and had a litter of puppies but my wife suddenly left me and took our children with her...she turned out to be a b!tch, anyway...now, I just would like to live out my retirement in a nice warm place like Florida.' ''

Amazed, the American can't believe his eyes and his ears! He goes to the dog's owner and asks, ''How much do you want for the Labrador?''

''Ten dollars'' the owner says.
''TEN dollars?!'' the American exclaims, ''why so little for such a remarkable dog????''

''Arrgh! don't believe everything he tells you! He's just a BIG liar! He's never been outta the yard since he was a puppy!''

[RickD]

I Love it! Nothing like a good Canadian joke. Here's another one:

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, just a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said: "There's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added: "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager called on the boy and said: "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied: "Canada, sir."
"Oh, really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
"Because there's nothing but prostitutes and hockey players up there", the boy replied.
"Hey! My wife is from Canada!" announced the offended manager.
The boy replied: "Really? What team did she play for?"

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

''what team did she play for?'' smart kid!

FL

[RickD]

''what team did she play for?'' smart kid!

FL

Must've been the Habs, eh?

[Philip]

No doubt, he's got a million of them!

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

No doubt, he's got a million of them!

Not quite a million but here's another one:

FLORIDA FISHING

Two retired Canadians are fishing on lake Okeechobee when some kid on a Seadoo jetski decides to splash them by passing at full speed near their canoe. The kid does this over and over until one of the Canadians deliberately sticks out an oar as the jetski is passing by. The kid hits the oar, is knocked off the jetski and he sinks into the lake. The Canadians panick! ''You shouldn't have done that!'' one Canadian says to the other. ''We've got to help that kid!'' he yells as he dives into the lake.

A few minutes later, the Canadian who dove into the lake surfaces with the kid's limp body. They drag him into the canoe and one Canadian frantically starts giving him mouth-to-mouth. After a few tries, he says to the other Canadian, ''This guy really has bad breath!''

''I hear ya!'' answers the other Canadian, ''and why would anyone drive a jetski with a cinderblock tied to each leg?''

[RickD]

Wanna see a short, Canadian joke?

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

Is that Justine Bieber? He looks like a girl! What is this world coming to? Don't tell me he likes boys like your guy Ricky Martin?!

FL

[RickD]

Is that Justine Bieber? He looks like a girl! What is this world coming to? Don't tell me he likes boys like your guy Ricky Martin?!

FL

No, Justin likes girls. He's not quite as "evolved" as Ricky Martin.

[Philip]

Can you imagine being 18 while being cursed with making $55 million a year, millions telling you how great you are, and beautiful young girls constantly throwing themselves at you? I'd probably have died in a one huge hormone meltdown.

[RickD]

Can you imagine being 18 while being cursed with making $55 million a year, millions telling you how great you are, and beautiful young girls constantly throwing themselves at you? I'd probably have died in a one huge hormone meltdown.

Actually, yes Philip. I had a VERY similar life when I was his age. Well, I mean similar except for the $millions, and the beautiful girls, and the worship symbol status. Other than that...

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

tually, yes Philip. I had a VERY similar life when I was his age. Well, I mean similar except for the $millions, and the beautiful girls, and the worship symbol status. Other than that...

Ah...excuse me. I'm not the least bit patriotic...actually, I think my country is one big stupid mess...but have you backwards , retrograde & unevolved Americans noticed that Canadian superstars tend to keep their head on their shoulders, while American superstars go the way of Michael Jackson?

What's with that?

FL