Please, help me out

[Mallz]

There's too much for details, so I'll ask how I can to get the answer I'm trying to obtain.

I'm in love with my cousin, she is in love with me. This is not infatuation, although we can become infatuated with each other, this is real love. And love two lives find with each other that has not and cannot be obtained from anyone else. We love life the same way, unconditionally to everyone around us. We love people, because interactions with others in good times makes us happy. Its adventure. Adventure of life and sharing the happiness of building each other, and others around us, up to be our best selves.

Down the lineage of Christ, cousins wed. Which means Christs' great great grandfather^X was from two couples who were cousins. I don't feel this love is tainted. I don't feel this love is unjust. I'm not a fool, if after genetic testing, it would not be wise to have children, we'd adobt.

But I am fresh in understanding Yaweh and Christ which I never have before. I'm still drinking milk.

The anxieties of the consequences of the reactions of those around us are the only persecuting factors we fear.

All of my prayers throughout the years, no matter my moods or mentalities, I've never doubted the purity of my love for her. And I could never think Christ would not bless us.

Am I a fool?

[RickD]

Hi Mallz,

With this issue, there's a lot you have to think about. First, I'm assuming you mean first cousins. You need to see the laws in your specific state regarding this. Then, if it's legal in your state, and you belong to a certain church or denomination, you need to see if it's allowed there. If you're good on those issues, you need to understand you'll most likely be ridiculed by a lot of people. Most likely, you and she understand this, and would be willing to deal with that. But you also have to think about any children you adopt. As cruel as kids are, your adopted children would probably be teased horribly if anyone knows you're cousins. And you need to think about the possibility that she could get pregnant.
I'm sure you've probably already thought of all that already though.
With that being said, I believe it's a personal choice that both of you need to think and pray about seriously.

[Mallz]

Thanks Rick. Those are things we've thought about. One thing we'd like is to move away, as nothing is keeping us where we currently are. And to move to a state where it would be legal.
I'm currently non-denominational and don't have a church, yet, her as well. Lucked out there I guess.
Then there's the question of keeping it secret or being open about it?

*sigh* Yes, a lot to think and pray about.

Thank you very much for the response and sobering advice, I've waited most my life so I can wait longer and not rush into a decision.

[Ivellious]

To be honest, I can't help you much from a theological perspective. That's between you and God, and frankly I've never actually heard marrying your first cousin being called a sin, though I wouldn't be surprised if some more conservative churches would frown upon it.

What I can do is give you my opinion on other angles to this. First, biologically speaking, there is really nothing "wrong" with having children with a first cousin. That only becomes a real biological issue if you have a small population that repeatedly interbreeds for many generations. Without getting too technical, marrying your cousin puts you at no greater risk of any sort of genetic defects for your children than any other random couple.

The social and societal issues might be harder to get over. As mentioned previously, some states ban first cousins from marrying, and even if it is legal many family members and friends might stigmatize your relationship. It's kind of hardwired into our society, for a variety of cultural reasons that may or may not be outdated. Obviously keeping your relationship a secret would be tough on both of you, so there's that to think about. I don't know your family and friends, so I can't begin to estimate how they would react, but it certainly should be considered.

Though, when it's all said and done, it really comes down to your happiness and what you can deal with. If you two think you'll be miserable if you have to live a secret life, it might not be worth it. If you think alienating your family is something that would tear you up, it might not be worth pursuing. But if you can handle that (or you think your family might be accepting), then I say go for it. It's your lives, you should be happy if you want it regardless of the opinions of others.

Good luck.

[neo-x]

There's too much for details, so I'll ask how I can to get the answer I'm trying to obtain.

I'm in love with my cousin, she is in love with me. This is not infatuation, although we can become infatuated with each other, this is real love. And love two lives find with each other that has not and cannot be obtained from anyone else. We love life the same way, unconditionally to everyone around us. We love people, because interactions with others in good times makes us happy. Its adventure. Adventure of life and sharing the happiness of building each other, and others around us, up to be our best selves.

Down the lineage of Christ, cousins wed. Which means Christs' great great grandfather^X was from two couples who were cousins. I don't feel this love is tainted. I don't feel this love is unjust. I'm not a fool, if after genetic testing, it would not be wise to have children, we'd adobt.

But I am fresh in understanding Yaweh and Christ which I never have before. I'm still drinking milk.

The anxieties of the consequences of the reactions of those around us are the only persecuting factors we fear.

All of my prayers throughout the years, no matter my moods or mentalities, I've never doubted the purity of my love for her. And I could never think Christ would not bless us.

Am I a fool?

Marrying a first cousin is not a sin, and Ivel is right, its not a problem even biologiacally. If you two love each other and want to spend your life together. Then don't bother what people might say. My best wishes to you both.

[Silvertusk]

There's too much for details, so I'll ask how I can to get the answer I'm trying to obtain.

I'm in love with my cousin, she is in love with me. This is not infatuation, although we can become infatuated with each other, this is real love. And love two lives find with each other that has not and cannot be obtained from anyone else. We love life the same way, unconditionally to everyone around us. We love people, because interactions with others in good times makes us happy. Its adventure. Adventure of life and sharing the happiness of building each other, and others around us, up to be our best selves.

Down the lineage of Christ, cousins wed. Which means Christs' great great grandfather^X was from two couples who were cousins. I don't feel this love is tainted. I don't feel this love is unjust. I'm not a fool, if after genetic testing, it would not be wise to have children, we'd adobt.

But I am fresh in understanding Yaweh and Christ which I never have before. I'm still drinking milk.

The anxieties of the consequences of the reactions of those around us are the only persecuting factors we fear.

All of my prayers throughout the years, no matter my moods or mentalities, I've never doubted the purity of my love for her. And I could never think Christ would not bless us.

Am I a fool?

Marrying a first cousin is not a sin, and Ivel is right, its not a problem even biologiacally. If you two love each other and want to spend your life together. Then don't bother what people might say. My best wishes to you both.

Totally agree with Neo and Ivel. Good luck to you. Any may God bless you both.

[Mallz]

Thanks everyone. I come from a conservative Catholic family. It really feels like they're Jews... Religion is more 'traditional' and 'hierarchical', than mercy and love. Reminds me of the medieval ages.. As the younger generations get older though, there's been a growing separation of family. Even amongst my Aunts and Uncles. Anyways..

I'm relieved to hear that the only wrong we may face would be coming from those of hardened hearts with self-righteous motives. Which I'd have no problem dismissing. Now to take things slow and as they go.

[neo-x]

Thanks everyone. I come from a conservative Catholic family. It really feels like they're Jews... Religion is more 'traditional' and 'hierarchical', than mercy and love. Reminds me of the medieval ages.. As the younger generations get older though, there's been a growing separation of family. Even amongst my Aunts and Uncles. Anyways..

I'm relieved to hear that the only wrong we may face would be coming from those of hardened hearts with self-righteous motives. Which I'd have no problem dismissing. Now to take things slow and as they go.

I know what it feels like, I come from a very conservative family, they are not that much conservatives anymore. But I know the idea of watching a movie is equal to doing something satanic, to be very real

People who stop you from wedding your cousin, should also stop wearing mixed fabric clothes, and stop touching a woman during her days, and if they do then spend the whole week out on the corner of the street they live in because they would be unclean.

[RickD]

Neo wrote:
People who stop you from wedding your cousin, should also stop wearing mixed fabric clothes, and stop touching a woman during her days, and if they do then spend the whole week out on the corner of the street they live in because they would be unclean.

Neo, that's not really a fair comparison. Those things you listed above were considered wrong at one time(in Israel). The bible never mentioned marrying one's cousin as a sin. So I think it's more of a cultural issue. So, while Mallz certainly needs to take the cultural issue into consideration, God doesn't condemn the practice.

[neo-x]

Neo wrote:
People who stop you from wedding your cousin, should also stop wearing mixed fabric clothes, and stop touching a woman during her days, and if they do then spend the whole week out on the corner of the street they live in because they would be unclean.

Neo, that's not really a fair comparison. Those things you listed above were considered wrong at one time(in Israel). The bible never mentioned marrying one's cousin as a sin. So I think it's more of a cultural issue. So, while Mallz certainly needs to take the cultural issue into consideration, God doesn't condemn the practice.

I'm going on memory here but I know churches which explicitly state reading from lev or number (I forgot) about marrying first cousins so I was talking with that in mind. Ofcourse even if its a culture, I'm betting it has a lot to do with the law of Moses. If its not, sure I'll take my words back.

[RickD]

As restrictive as Leviticus is, I don't think it mentions any prohibitions regarding marrying one's cousin.
At least I couldn't find any.

[neo-x]

Okay found this on wiki...

Cousins are not included in the lists of prohibited relatives provided in the Bible, specifically in the books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy.[34] The Old Testament also contains several examples of married cousins. Two of the most famous are prominent in Genesis. Isaac was married to Rebekah, his first cousin once removed (Genesis 24:12–15). Also, Rachel and Leah were both cousins of Isaac's son Jacob. Jacob loved Rachel and worked seven years for her father Laban in return for permission to marry (Genesis 28–29). Jacob's brother Esau also married his cousin Mahalath, daughter of Ishmael. According to many English Bible translations, a fourth example is the five daughters of Zelophehad, who married the "sons of their father's brothers" in the later period of Moses, although other translations merely say "relatives." (For example, the Catholic RSV-CE and NAB differ in Numbers 36:10–12.) During the apportionment of Israel following the journey out of Egypt, Caleb gives his daughter Achsah to his brother's son Othniel according to the NAB (Joshua 15:17), though the Jewish Talmud argues Othniel was simply Caleb's brother (Sotah 11b). The daughters of Eleazer also married the sons of Eleazer's brother Kish in the still later time of David (1 Chronicles 23:22). King Rehoboam and his wives Maacah and Mahalath were grandchildren of David (2 Chronicles 11:20). Finally, Tobias in the book of Tobit has a right to marry Sarah because he is her nearest kinsman (Tobit 7:10), though the exact degree of their cousinship is not clear.
In Roman Catholicism, all marriages more distant than first-cousin marriages are allowed,[158] and first-cousin marriages can be contracted with a dispensation.[159] This was not always the case, however: the Catholic Church has gone through several phases in kinship prohibitions. At the dawn of Christianity in Roman times, marriages between first cousins were allowed. For example, Emperor Constantine, the first Christian Roman Emperor, married his children to the children of his half-brother. First and second cousin marriages were then banned at the Council of Agde in AD 506, though dispensations sometimes continued to be granted. By the 11th century, with the adoption of the so-called canon-law method of computing consanguinity, these proscriptions had been extended even to sixth cousins, including by marriage. But due to the many resulting difficulties in reckoning who was related to whom, they were relaxed back to third cousins at the Fourth Lateran Council in AD 1215. Pope Benedict XV reduced this to second cousins in 1917,[21] and finally, the current law was enacted in 1983.[159] In Catholicism, close relatives who have married unwittingly without a dispensation can receive an annulment.
There are several explanations for the rise of Catholic cousin marriage prohibitions after the fall of Rome. One explanation is increasing Germanic influence on church policy. G.E. Howard states, "During the period preceding the Teutonic invasion, speaking broadly, the church adhered to Roman law and custom; thereafter those of the Germans...were accepted."[160] On the other hand it has also been argued that the bans were a reaction against local Germanic customs of kindred marriage.[161] At least one Frankish King, Pepin the Short, apparently viewed close kin marriages among nobles as a threat to his power.[162] Whatever the reasons, written justifications for such bans had been advanced by St. Augustine by the fifth century. "It is very reasonable and just," he wrote, "that one man should not himself sustain many relationships, but that various relationships should be distributed among several, and thus serve to bind together the greatest number in the same social interests."[34] Taking a contrary view, Protestants writing after the Reformation tended to see the prohibitions and the dispensations needed to circumvent them as part of an undesirable church scheme to accrue wealth, or "lucre."[34]
Since the 13th century the Catholic Church has measured consanguinity according to what is called, perhaps confusingly, the civil-law method. Under this method, the degree of relationship between lineal relatives (i.e., a man and his grandfather) is simply equal to the number of generations between them. However, the degree of relationship between collateral (non-lineal) relatives equals the number of links in the family tree from one person, up to the common ancestor, and then back to the other person. Thus brothers are related in the second degree, and first cousins in the fourth degree.[163]

guess I was wrong, sorry.

[RickD]

Actually Neo, that link you posted may help Mallz see some of why his family may be against it. If the link is accurate, it seems to be a problem in Catholicism. And Mallz said he comes from a conservative Catholic family.

[neo-x]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage

TBH, I was under the impression that first cousins cant marry thing is done by churches outside of Catholics. Now that I see it, in Pakistan some non catholic churches ban cousin marriages too, which I think is wrong. I just assumed that was the same case there too. I think its based on tricky translation.

[Mallz]

That really does help see why their cultural attitude is the way it is. More doctrines influenced by political and cultural reasoning.. great

It seems the most popular reason was to stop families from continuing in power and influence by 'keeping it in the family'.
Or for conversion. Which the Catholic dogma has been altered or drastically changed numerous times throughout history to 'accommodate' the conversion of mass populations.. wtf?!

I know what it feels like, I come from a very conservative family, they are not that much conservatives anymore. But I know the idea of watching a movie is equal to doing something satanic, to be very real

If I have to watch Ann of Green Gables one more time, I most definitely will shoot myself!