Poem Heaven's shore

[1over137]

Heaven's shore

Having been on Heaven's shore
Can't do nothing but adore
You, Your glory, of love core
Please do never close this door.

Forgive me cause I have sinned
Without You I cannot win
Over darkness we fall in
Don't want return where I've been.


---

It came on me while listening Secret Garden's album Once in a red moon

[B. W.]

Heaven's shore

Having been on Heaven's shore
Can't do nothing but adore
You, Your glory, of love core
Please do never close this door.

Forgive me cause I have sinned
Without You I cannot win
Over darkness we fall in
Don't want return where I've been.

---

It came on me while listening Secret Garden's album Once in a red moon

I wrote a little guitar piece with no words yet - I might see if the words fit but may may need another line or two - a chorus/refrain and add can you add any more lines?

How about???

I'm heading to heavens shore
Why don't you come along with me
Leave'n all those troubles behind
(add a line here)
-
-
-

[1over137]

I'm heading to heavens shore
Why don't you come along with me
Leave'n all those troubles behind
(add a line here)

Is this chorus? Do you also want to use other 2 sections? If yes then chorus must be compatible

[B. W.]

I'm heading to heavens shore
Why don't you come along with me
Leave'n all those troubles behind
(add a line here)

Is this chorus? Do you also want to use other 2 sections? If yes then chorus must be compatible

Just add a few more stanzas and it should work...for the rhythm of the music I have in mind... The first two fit perfectly...
-
-
-

[1over137]

Can you give me the rhythm? I mean something like da-da-da da-da... etc so that i know precisely the melody

[B. W.]

Can you give me the rhythm? I mean something like da-da-da da-da... etc so that i know precisely the melody

Actually keep the parameter of the stanzas of your poem the same as that fits the rhythm and melody of the music very well - like a glove!

Well it is a simple C, G, F, rock style with an A and E tossed in for spice. May not make sense to many so it is difficult to to mirror the rhythm with the da -da - da method here. Think of your last verse on each stanza being drawn out - like...

Don't ----- want ------ re---turn ------ where I've been. As the means to jump into a break and then next stanza like this...

+++

Having been on Heaven's shore

Can't do nothing but adore

You, Your glory, of love core

Please --- do never ---- close this door.

+++Break+++

Forgive me cause I have sinned

Without You I cannot win

Over darkness we fall in

Don't ----- want ------ re---turn ------ where I've been.

+++Break+++

Remember you are telling a story from your heart and these lyrics beautifully capture this. I can add a chorus but in reality this is you speaking - not me.

I can add a chorus from your own words by combining several different lines into one full stanza. Or add too it... whatever you think is best. Just needs a few more stanza's to complete your word picture story and the emotion.
-
-
-

[1over137]

Give me chance to do the chorus

[1over137]

What about this as a chorus?

In the ocean I want swim
Eternity spend with Him
Make me shining, am just dim
Make me of light, do the trim.

Edit:

So now the whole would be:

___________________

Heaven's shore

Having been on Heaven's shore
Can't do nothing but adore
You, Your glory, of love core
Please do never close this door.

Forgive me cause I have sinned
Without You I cannot win
Over darkness we fall in
Don't want return where I've been.

Chorus:

In the ocean I want swim
Eternity spend with Him
Make me shining, am just dim
Make me of light, do the trim.

[B. W.]

Very good, I like it...

Can you add eight more lines to the main poem?
-
-
-

[1over137]

Very good, I like it...

Can you add eight more lines to the main poem?
-
-
-

Uffff, well i may try. You are pushing my limits. But is is good for me.

I want to keep the rhyme, which means, to have 4 words rhyming. What a challenge, esp with my poor vocabulary. I am helping myself with merriam webster dictionary where also some rhyming words are given. Ufff.

You teaser.

[1over137]

Ok, this got into my head (without even using merriam webster), but it has 8 syllables instead of 7. Maybe you could make chorus from this?

Carrying with me this desire
Wanna reach you, wanna higher
Clean me deeply with your fire
Wanna once sing in your choir

That would require probably new melody for chorus... Tell me what ya think.

... continuing to think of some more stanzas ...

[B. W.]

You are talented, here is a tip - not all have to rhyme...

Here is a copy of a song I wrote in 2011 which is under copyright protection to help you refine your talent more.

Notice how the lyric's tell a story and how in the last verses - I combined elements from the prior two verses to make a new one.


Safe Harbor
Copyright © 2011,
by Bryan W. Melvin
All rights reserved


Early I beseech thee
Early I seek thee
With my whole heart (x2)

As I travel the wilderness way
I’ve found you captured my heart
When I stumble and fall, you’re there
Lift’n me up, drying my tears

Guiding me to safe Harbor (x2)

++

Early I beseech thee
Early I seek thee
With my aching heart (x2)

Here midst travail and pain
You send forth your anointing light
Dispelling this darkness that’s all around
Apply’n your healing salve

Guiding our way to Safe Harbor (x2)

++

Early I beseech thee
Early I seek thee
With my longing heart (x2)

Here midst travail and pain
I’ve found you captured my heart
When I stumble and fall your there
Apply’n your healing salve

Guiding my way to Safe Harbor (x2)

++++

Key of Bb – ¾ time

[1over137]

You are talented, here is a tip - not all have to rhyme...

Here is a copy of a song I wrote in 2011 which is under copyright protection to help you refine your talent more.

Notice how the lyric's tell a story and how in the last verses - I combined elements from the prior two verses to make a new one.

Thanks,

Well, yes, all does not have to rhyme, but in this one poem I want them to rhyme. I think that so far I was successful and I want to finish it that way. Just my wish.

I have some poems with no rhyme.

[1over137]

I added another stanza. Maybe I will manage some more. I do not know.

Heaven's shore

Having been on Heaven's shore
Can't do nothing but adore
You, Your glory, of love core
Please do never close this door.

Forgive me cause I have sinned
Without You I cannot win
Over darkness we fall in
Don't want return where I've been.

In the ocean I want swim
Eternity spend with Him
Make me shining, am just dim
Make me of light, do the trim.

Teach my soul to do the right
Give me wisdom, give me sight
Make me stronger for the fight
Over darkness, over night.

[1over137]

Am finished. I hope you like it. (If not then hmmm...)

Heaven's shore

Having been on Heaven's shore
Can't do nothing but adore
You, Your glory, of love core
Please do never close this door.

Forgive me cause I have sinned
Without You I cannot win
Over darkness we fall in
Don't want return where I've been.

In the ocean I want swim
Eternity spend with Him
Make me shining, am just dim
Make me of light, do the trim.

Teach my soul to do the right
Give me wisdom, give me sight
Make me stronger for the fight
Over darkness, over night.

Having been on Heaven's shore
Can't do nothing but adore
You, Your glory, of love core
Love You each time even more.