Is it alright to keep some secrets...

[Kurieuo]

Don't ask me where this question is coming from... but it's not me keeping secrets... seriously!

More of a light-hearted vote. So do you think it's alright to keep some secrets from your spouse?

[Ivellious]

I'm not married, but I figure it's wrong to say it's always good or always bad to keep secrets from a spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever it is. After all, I can't see the harm in not telling your spouse that their meatloaf is just so-so or that you actually hate that band he/she makes you listen to in the car. In fact, airing all of those kinds of "secrets" will probably just cause both of you distress. In really benign cases, I see no reason that you absolutely have to tell those ones.

On the other hand, there is definitely a blurry line between what an "ok" secret is and what a "bad" secret to keep is. I figure you could say once it gets to the point that keeping a secret could damage your relationship or hurt the other person in some way, you are probably well over that line.

But hey, fun fact: Between 5 and 15% of all kids are not actually related to their mother's husband, depending on whose study you read. Which is kind of disturbing when you think about it...but would it actually be a good thing to tell your husband that kind of secret after-the-fact? Not sure I can say yes to that one, even though it is kind of a huge secret...

[RickD]

Just the other night, my wife told me that I look old. I wish she would have kept that a secret.



And I voted, "why are you asking". So fess up K. What's going on?

[Kurieuo]

I carry my "matter of factness" even into my marriage...

If my wife asks how the dinner was, I'll let her know if I thought something was overcooked, too hard, too soft or what-have-you. I just have to tell her the truth, because I think critical feedback is important to getting better. And if she cooks it the same again, I even say "I told you last time that..." Or the dreaded, "How do I look in this?" Always upfront if I think she looks frumpy, or that's something I'd expect my grandma to wear. Come on, I just want her looking her best! And she really hates it when she's driving, and really involved in talking about something and not paying attention, and I yell "look out" and move the wheel. That really gets under her skin. But, I'd really prefer to not have a car accident especially when kids are in the car.

Let's just say... we have quite a few silly arguments because I can't bite my tongue. But, at least she knows when I complement her that it must be true! She also gets critical at times, so kind of works out fair I think. I just can never manage to bite my tongue. My best friend use to always tell me, "You don't have to tell the truth on absolutely everything you know?"

[RickD]

I carry my "matter of factness" even into my marriage...

If my wife asks how the dinner was, I'll let her know if I thought something was overcooked, too hard, too soft or what-have-you. I just have to tell her the truth, because I think critical feedback is important to getting better. And if she cooks it the same again, I even say "I told you last time that..." Or the dreaded, "How do I look in this?" Always upfront if I think she looks frumpy, or that's something I'd expect my grandma to wear. Come on, I just want her looking her best! And she really hates it when she's driving, and really involved in talking about something and not paying attention, and I yell "look out" and move the wheel. That really gets under her skin. But, I'd really prefer to not have a car accident especially when kids are in the car.

Let's just say... we have quite a few silly arguments because I can't bite my tongue. But, at least she knows when I complement her that it must be true! She also gets critical at times, so kind of works out fair I think. I just can never manage to bite my tongue. My best friend use to always tell me, "You don't have to tell the truth on absolutely everything you know?"

Are you sure you're not my wife?
She's a horrible back seat driver when I'm driving. Whenever she tells me how to drive, I just thank her and tell her I don't know how I can drive safely everyday without her. Imagine, for the 17 plus years we've been married, I've managed to drive myself to and from work everyday without her! Frankly, I don't know how I've done it!

[Byblos]

Are you sure you're not my wife?
She's a horrible back seat driver when I'm driving. Whenever she tells me how to drive, I just thank her and tell her I don't know how I can drive safely everyday without her. Imagine, for the 17 plus years we've been married, I've managed to drive myself to and from work everyday without her! Frankly, I don't know how I've done it!

This must be more common than we thought. Only last week I gave my wife (of 27 years, might I add) a final ultimatum. Either she stops backseat driving or she will be chauffeuring me around town. And she knows I'm not kidding, I will pull over in the middle of the highway, get out of the car and get in the backseat. It has gotten so bad that even when she doesn't say anything she is saying something. If I hit the breaks too quickly or am too close to the car ahead, I see her reaching for the oh-crap handle. It is so distracting that on more than one occasion it could have caused an accident. Stand your ground fellas, it's revolt time.

[RickD]

Are you sure you're not my wife?
She's a horrible back seat driver when I'm driving. Whenever she tells me how to drive, I just thank her and tell her I don't know how I can drive safely everyday without her. Imagine, for the 17 plus years we've been married, I've managed to drive myself to and from work everyday without her! Frankly, I don't know how I've done it!

This must be more common than we thought. Only last week I gave my wife (of 27 years, might I add) a final ultimatum. Either she stops backseat driving or she will be chauffeuring me around town. And she knows I'm not kidding, I will pull over in the middle of the highway, get out of the car and get in the backseat. It has gotten so bad that even when she doesn't say anything she is saying something. If I hit the breaks too quickly or am too close to the car ahead, I see her reaching for the oh-crap handle. It is so distracting that on more than one occasion it could have caused an accident. Stand your ground fellas, it's revolt time.

My wife does the same thing. Her reaching for the oh-crap handle, or slamming her foot on the imaginary brake pedal on her side, is very distracting.

My first accident when I was 16, was caused by a "backseat driver". He yelled at me, which caused me to overcompensate. Which led the car to fishtail, and hit a telephone pole. Totalled my first car.

[Byblos]

And you know what the worst part is? She doesn't do it with other drivers. She has an employee that she runs errands with all the time. This woman drives like a maniac, speeding, cutting people off, changing lanes without signaling, you name it. Does my wife do this with her? Never. So she is more than capable of suppressing it.

[RickD]

Maniac? That's a normal New York driver. New York's drivers are like its sports fans: rude, inconsiderate, etc.

Come to think of it, that's just New Yorkers in general.

[1over137]

K, your wife should be happy (not telling she is not) that you speak what you feel and what is truth to you.

The two should be one so naturally and ideally there should be no secrets.

Well my husband does not know everything but he does not want to know. When he asks me I ask back whether he really wants to know it and he says no. But am talking not about tiny daily stuff now. It's not ideal I know and hopefully this will improve with time.

To the driving: am such a bad driver and therefore do not drive. In fact, I am learning to be better driver and my husband is such a great help. I have problems with paying attention to traffic signs, to driving. I easily fall into deep thinking and am ceasing to pay attention to driving. Who says women can do many things simultaneously? I can't. So, I presently do small drives to near shop where we use to shop. This practicing helps me to get more courage and peace. Because, when I do not feel like I have everything under control, I am stressed. I do not like e.g. when looking and checking traffic some direction and for a second do not see traffic in other direction.

[jlay]

I agree with Rick,

I asked my wife the other day if I looked healthy. She said, "you need to exercise more." I said, "I want to get a second opinion." So she said, "Ok, you're fat!"

[RickD]

I agree with Rick,

I asked my wife the other day if I looked healthy. She said, "you need to exercise more." I said, "I want to get a second opinion." So she said, "Ok, you're fat!"

[1over137]

I agree with Rick,

I asked my wife the other day if I looked healthy. She said, "you need to exercise more." I said, "I want to get a second opinion." So she said, "Ok, you're fat!"

Hmm. Jlay's wife would match to K.

[Kurieuo]

I agree with Rick,

I asked my wife the other day if I looked healthy. She said, "you need to exercise more." I said, "I want to get a second opinion." So she said, "Ok, you're fat!"

Hmm. Jlay's wife would match to K.

Yes, I must admit she sounds like me. But then I'm also putting some on now so now its "we both have fat to lose".

However, I was saying that at least she has an excuse, carrying our baby and all... though that excuse is now gone. I must sound so mean to people, but I just can't help stating the truth of matters and have good intentions.

Keep saying we need to exercise and stuff, but seems to amount to nothing. I did manage to go to the gym for about 2 months last year. Got depressed when I didn't see it coming off, but then that's muscle being put on, and then when you stop it seems to go soft and you weigh more than what you did before you started.