Sexual Repression Caused By Being A Christian

[Seraph]

This has been a big issue for me especially throughout high school and college and still remains one. It seems pretty clear that the Bible makes it known that sex is meant to be reserved only for married people. I've lived according to this all my life, but marriage seems to still be years away and as such I feel stuck in a hole that has, admittedly, at times made me resent Christianity and fear that I've been missing out on a lot of good things in life. The idea of being a virgin as late as your twenties seems almost unheard of today and carries a negative connotation in society, but if holding off until marriage is the goal then that's probably going to be a reality for many people, including myself.

But I'm mainly just wondering what are thoughts on the G&S board about sexual repression. Can abstaining from sex for too long cause undesired effects in people? Is this something that a lot of other Christians worry about? Or do you think sexual repression is a complete myth and just coined to justify fulfilling urges when it gets tough to resist? I'm interested in what people have to say about it.

[neo-x]

I am the same as you and now almost 28. I think wanting to have sex is a natural desire and for christians to feel this way, they should marry, soon if they can't wait.

Can abstaining from sex for too long cause undesired effects in people?

No, not necessarily.

Is this something that a lot of other Christians worry about?

Can't say for others, but I don't.

Or do you think sexual repression is a complete myth and just coined to justify fulfilling urges when it gets tough to resist?

I think its a western concept and am not too sure about the origins of the term.

[PaulSacramento]

This has been a big issue for me especially throughout high school and college and still remains one. It seems pretty clear that the Bible makes it known that sex is meant to be reserved only for married people. I've lived according to this all my life, but marriage seems to still be years away and as such I feel stuck in a hole that has, admittedly, at times made me resent Christianity and fear that I've been missing out on a lot of good things in life. The idea of being a virgin as late as your twenties seems almost unheard of today and carries a negative connotation in society, but if holding off until marriage is the goal then that's probably going to be a reality for many people, including myself.

But I'm mainly just wondering what are thoughts on the G&S board about sexual repression. Can abstaining from sex for too long cause undesired effects in people? Is this something that a lot of other Christians worry about? Or do you think sexual repression is a complete myth and just coined to justify fulfilling urges when it gets tough to resist? I'm interested in what people have to say about it.

Where does the bible state that marriage is only between married people?
The bible states that sex should be between COMMITTED adults, either married or betrothed ( and mentions penalties for having sex with someone that we are NOT committed to, one of them being that you get married).

There is no sexual repression in the bible.
There is, however, restrictions against the TYPE of sex the people of God are to have ( no same-sex, thought the OT doesn't mention woman-on-woman, the NT hints at it, no sex with animals, etc.)
I don't think we should view RESPONSIBLE sex as repressive sex, that is just silly.

[PaulSacramento]

I am the same as you and now almost 28. I think wanting to have sex is a natural desire and for christians to feel this way, they should marry, soon if they can't wait.

Can abstaining from sex for too long cause undesired effects in people?

No, not necessarily.

Is this something that a lot of other Christians worry about?

Can't say for others, but I don't.

Or do you think sexual repression is a complete myth and just coined to justify fulfilling urges when it gets tough to resist?

I think its a western concept and am not too sure about the origins of the term.

I warn ANYONE about marrying because they want to have sex.
Marriage is a serious life-long commitment and is NOT done because we are horny or want to have sex or legitimize having sex.
That is a sure way to get yourself and someone else into a very bad situation.

[RickD]

PaulS wrote:
Where does the bible state that marriage is only between married people?

Ooh, a paradox!!! I really have to think about this one.

If anyone can figure out if marriage is only between married people, let me know if driving a car can be done only while driving a car.

[PaulSacramento]

PaulS wrote:
Where does the bible state that marriage is only between married people?

Ooh, a paradox!!! I really have to think about this one.

If anyone can figure out if marriage is only between married people, let me know if driving a car can be done only while driving a car.

LMAO !!!

Well played sir !

[Seraph]

There is no sexual repression in the bible.
There is, however, restrictions against the TYPE of sex the people of God are to have ( no same-sex, thought the OT doesn't mention woman-on-woman, the NT hints at it, no sex with animals, etc.)
I don't think we should view RESPONSIBLE sex as repressive sex, that is just silly.

I'm not saying responsible sex is repressed sex, im saying NO sex can lead to repression. It may not be in the bible, but I'm saying trying to live with the restrictions the bible places on sex can be very frustrating and "repressive".

You're one of the first people I've heard suggest that the bible says its not only for married people but for committed adults (Though if true that would be kind of a relief). Can one not be very committed to their girlfriend but not be married or even engaged to her? I though all sex outside of marriages was the basis of the word "fornication".

[1over137]

The bible states that sex should be between COMMITTED adults, either married or betrothed ( and mentions penalties for having sex with someone that we are NOT committed to, one of them being that you get married).

Can you provide Bible verses?

[neo-x]

I am the same as you and now almost 28. I think wanting to have sex is a natural desire and for christians to feel this way, they should marry, soon if they can't wait.

Can abstaining from sex for too long cause undesired effects in people?

No, not necessarily.

Is this something that a lot of other Christians worry about?

Can't say for others, but I don't.

Or do you think sexual repression is a complete myth and just coined to justify fulfilling urges when it gets tough to resist?

I think its a western concept and am not too sure about the origins of the term.

I warn ANYONE about marrying because they want to have sex.
Marriage is a serious life-long commitment and is NOT done because we are horny or want to have sex or legitimize having sex.
That is a sure way to get yourself and someone else into a very bad situation.

I totally agree with you paul on this. What I meant was that if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life then marry, and ofcourse you can have sex when you are married. My comment was in that scenario if someone is committed. I certainly do not advocate marriage just to have sex.

[jlay]

This has been a big issue for me especially throughout high school and college and still remains one. It seems pretty clear that the Bible makes it known that sex is meant to be reserved only for married people. I've lived according to this all my life, but marriage seems to still be years away and as such I feel stuck in a hole that has, admittedly, at times made me resent Christianity and fear that I've been missing out on a lot of good things in life. The idea of being a virgin as late as your twenties seems almost unheard of today and carries a negative connotation in society, but if holding off until marriage is the goal then that's probably going to be a reality for many people, including myself.

But I'm mainly just wondering what are thoughts on the G&S board about sexual repression. Can abstaining from sex for too long cause undesired effects in people? Is this something that a lot of other Christians worry about? Or do you think sexual repression is a complete myth and just coined to justify fulfilling urges when it gets tough to resist? I'm interested in what people have to say about it.

By what you posted, it seems that the blame is on the culture. If you (and I am using this in a general sense) like the thought of fathering/mothering a child out of wedlock, or potentially exposing yourself to disease through casual sex, then by all means.
FWIW, I think we have created a culture that actually prevents healthy sex. Not so long ago, many people were either corting in their early teens and married by their mid-teens. I doubt there is a time where male libido is higher. That's how God designed us. But, we have created a new segment and have needlessly prolonged adolesence. Ages 16-25 have to be some of the most irresponsible and fruitless years of a person's life today. My Grandmother was married at 18. Her mother was married at 17. I think we should do away with this worthless class of citizen that is a blight on society. I myself was one.

So, my question is, why is marriage a long way away for you?

[Seraph]

So, my question is, why is marriage a long way away for you?

I suppose its possible that I could get married fairly soon, but I'm shy around women and there aren't any potential girlfriends at the moment, let alone a wife...

[PaulSacramento]

The bible states that sex should be between COMMITTED adults, either married or betrothed ( and mentions penalties for having sex with someone that we are NOT committed to, one of them being that you get married).

Can you provide Bible verses?

Verses in regards to what?

[PaulSacramento]

There is no sexual repression in the bible.
There is, however, restrictions against the TYPE of sex the people of God are to have ( no same-sex, thought the OT doesn't mention woman-on-woman, the NT hints at it, no sex with animals, etc.)
I don't think we should view RESPONSIBLE sex as repressive sex, that is just silly.

I'm not saying responsible sex is repressed sex, im saying NO sex can lead to repression. It may not be in the bible, but I'm saying trying to live with the restrictions the bible places on sex can be very frustrating and "repressive".

You're one of the first people I've heard suggest that the bible says its not only for married people but for committed adults (Though if true that would be kind of a relief). Can one not be very committed to their girlfriend but not be married or even engaged to her? I though all sex outside of marriages was the basis of the word "fornication".

A commitment to someone in the bible is a commitment under GOD, let that sink it.
A marriage ceremony and licence is meaningless without the commitment under God and to each other.
People need to understand that sex relationship IS a commitment and to engage in such means that one person has committed to another UNDER GOD.
To have sex with someone is to at the very least became betrothed to them, hence in Exodus we read:
Exodus 22:16
“If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.

The thing is, if you love someone enough to want to have sex then you should commit to her/him under God and a commitment under God IS marriage.

I know that in our days of legal documents we feel that a piece of paper means something more than our word BUT the reality is that UNDER GOD our word is everything.

[1over137]

The bible states that sex should be between COMMITTED adults, either married or betrothed ( and mentions penalties for having sex with someone that we are NOT committed to, one of them being that you get married).

Can you provide Bible verses?

Verses in regards to what?

That betrothed may have sex. Also when the two become betrothed?

[PaulSacramento]

The bible states that sex should be between COMMITTED adults, either married or betrothed ( and mentions penalties for having sex with someone that we are NOT committed to, one of them being that you get married).

Can you provide Bible verses?

Verses in regards to what?

That betrothed may have sex. Also when the two become betrothed?

If a formal bethrowal is not done then the people that have sex become bethrowed.
Exodus 22:16

“If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.

There is much said about "sexual immorality" in 1Corinthians 7:2 stating that it refers to sex outside of marriage being wrong.
The issue is that is base don interpretation and NOT explicitly stated.
Paul is simply stating that because of sexual immorality it is best the people be married so that the sex they do have is no longer immoral.

Now, that does seem to imply that sex must be while married BUT at the sametime, you do not find ANY OT laws that state that explicitly.
BUT we should also be clear that sexual immoraltiy (porneia) is used to describe MANY things also, so...

That said, it is clear that sex outside of a committed relationship is not right, that the relationship must be marriage is, IMO, irrelevant since the very act of sex makes the two a committed couple.

As for sex while bethroved:
DEUTERONOMY 20:6-7

But it can be argued that applies only at time of war.

The thing I want to make clear is that the act of marriage, which is not mentioned in the bible by the way unlike divorce which is, is NOT what makes people married BUt their commitment to themselves under God.
Note that the consummation of the marriage is spoken about quite a bit ( and they will become on flesh...).