My faith is not strong, I need help!

[B. W.]

Hi Militarynewb,

There are many ways in which we slam a car door, then sit inside our privet vehicle, drive down the road, failing to hear what is going on outside. Now please read your post again, and look rather hard and what do you see? How many times is the capital I is used and the small i for yourself? Can you see how the door is being slammed?

I have been fighting for years with myself with my faith and belief in God and Jesus Christ and how he died for our sins, blah blah blah.

It seems no matter how much I try to convince myself of God's existence and all he has done for us, I have another side of me fighting against it. It seems like my brain is trying to oppose Gods existence without any real grounds of doing so. It is like my brain is saying NO God does not exist, but i will not give you a reason why.

I've tried reading the bible and praying but i don't hear or feel anything. People say the feel Gods presence and Jesus Christ inside them, and i have prayed to feel this as well, but i don't feel anything. I am seriously expecting I am supposed to feel something inside me that is supernatural and makes me believe with no doubt of His existence. Enter a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? I am supposed to feel something right? like a warm fuzzy feeling.

I have gone as far as trying to convince myself that my conscience is Gods voice, but I'm very doubtful of that. With all the effort I have been putting in to believing in God, you would figure God would throw me a bone at some point instead of letting me drown and go to hell.

I have even been baptized TWICE!

I listen to Christian music in my car and think about convincing myself of Gods existence on what feels like a 24/7 basis. I have read more pages of this website than I can recall, and i feel like im literally drowning. I want God in my life, i want Jesus in my life, so bad i cry about it and I'm almost 30! I need help! I want to feel that connections that so many people "supposedly" feel. HELP!! MY whole being seems to be fighting against a book that was put together 2000 years ago when if they saw a falling star they would automatically assume it was God sending a sign, not realizing it was just a meteor rock. I feel like this is my last prayer, and that hopefully through one of you God will answer this desperate prayer!

You are trying so hard – perform for favor are you not? Re-read your post out loud to yourself, raise your commanding voice on the big I and the little i - speak above a whisper -what does this reveal about you?

And there my brother, is the problem. The truth is I don't want any special treatment, I don't really want to be given any more proof than any one else on this planet has had. Though I do have to admit, I am pretty jealous of those disciples and other people who literally bore witness to Jesus's miracles He performed. I am also jealous of those that heard Gods voice and wrote down what He said. Just picture for a moment you got your shirt drenched in water, you have to ring it out to make it somewhat dry. Inside of me, its like it keeps twisting, twisting, twisting, the more I pray to God. This might sound absurd to you, but my last explanation for this is that im possessed by something i shouldn't be, because i seriously feel like there is a interier force fighting against everything I'm trying to fight for.

Please notice the capital I and the small i used about you in your answers. That interior force is slamming the door, you get in the car, and you are driving… Slam the door on life, yet, often step outside, be a part, then get back in – perform. Can you see that?

Notice below what you said, who uncovered this slam of the door that you call a block? You mentioned it was an accident. Yet, I challenge you that the Lord revealed this to you. Therefore, you can and do hear his voice. Was it really an accident because you were not the driving force – in charge? What is the Lord revealing to you? Again notice the struggle revealed in the capital I and small i use speaking of yourself...

I discovered one of my blocks today, and it was on accident. I have been married for 5 months now to my wife. And deep down inside subconsciously i was wondering if because we had only gotten married by the court so far, if my marriage wasnt seen as true under Gods eyes, as we plan to have a church wedding next year in Germany with her family. Being in the army getting married by the court was the only way "immigration wise" for her to remain in the states using the k-1 visa. I was scared that when i was one with my wife, the Lord did not see it as a true marriage therefore i was commiting a sin everytime i was with her. I have read deep into it through research today and realized that everything said at the court house marriage was indeed enough for God (the vows). We still will have our church wedding next year in Germany because that can only make the Lord even more happy. But i feel like a great weight has been lifted off my chest. For the first time in a few days I can sense "a small" bit of warmth that has been hiding from me. I believe God already knew i would find this out on my own. I think i have discovered another block, but have not found peace with it yet. Heaven just sounds too good to be true. A place where i am Holy and pure and always happy. It sounds like a dream, except even my dreams arent that good. Maybe you can pray with me so that i can find resolution in this as well. I know one day when i am strong in my faith, that i can pass on that knowledge to others. The more in heaven, the merrier.

So, there are many ways in which we slam doors. One is performance for approval and when performs and is not approved, what then, what pain a child feels in home from it? Were you raised to perform?
Now, in the military one must perform due to duty. One gives and receives orders and that is one thing but to have been subject to this growing up is another. Often when that happens while growing up, a person cannot tell if they are a big I calling all the shots, or a little i taking it. Do you feel like this?

I am so freightened about going to Hell. I have a feeling like God will say, you were just pretending to have faith in me and you never had true faith in me and then i will be thrown in hell to suffer for a long long time

Let’s get back to the military. There was a centurion, a soldier, mentioned in Matthew 8:5-10 whose servant was stricken painfully ill and paralyzed. Jesus was going to go to his home but the centurion said in..

Mat 8:8, 9, The centurion answered and said, "Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come,' and he comes; and to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it." NASB

Listen to parts of these verses again, “…but only speak a word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come,' and he comes; and to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

Have you really approached Jesus the same honest way with understanding that he will just say the words of life to you, sealing you forever his, accepting it, that the order from Him was given, done, and completed no matter how you perform, feel, or think?

Mat 8:10,13, When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, "Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel! …13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you." And his servant was healed that same hour. NASB

The centurion understood that it is all about Jesus, not about him, only Jesus can save. He simply asked for the word to be spoken and he went on his way. You have the word as Romans 10:6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13c, mentions speaking to you... and...

Rom 10:4, For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes…

How much of the big I and little i is all about you earning favor from God by what you do and not about simple trust in what Jesus says? When it is all about what we do, we slam the door, remain inside the car miserable watching life pass by. Why not, get out of the car, hand him the keys; let him drive for a change?

It was no accident coming to understand one of your blocks, he forgives and trust what He says in John 10:28,29 as that is his word to you… now.

Mat 8:13, Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you." And his servant was healed that same hour. NASB
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[melanie]

I am so freightened about going to Hell. I have a feeling like God will say, you were just pretending to have faith in me and you never had true faith in me and then i will be thrown in hell to suffer for a long long time

what about this

Military you are living in fear. Fear of your doubt, fear of your sins, fear of your strength of faith. You are working on a no win situation. You have been greatly troubled with feelings on whether God is real, when you try and put this fear aside and listen to what you know to be true then the fear sets in surrounding your faith, is it the right faith? Is it enough faith? Will Jesus cast me aside and disown me on judgment day through lack of faith or true faith? Every approach you take is riddled in fear.
Your stumbling block, the thing holding you back isn't your doubt, or sins, or faith it's your fear. You are drowning in your fear. Your fear is causing you to doubt, fear brings anguish and uncertainty. I don't think your doubt is causing your fear, it's the other way round.
Fear is the opposite to faith, it is in opposition to God.
The definition of fear from the Webster dictionary is;
*An emotion or anxious feeling aroused by a real or imagined threat (usually accompanied by a desire to flee, comply or flight)
*A feeling of profound respect for someone or something (fear of The Lord)
Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of The Lord is the beginning of knowledge" Fear can hold two meanings, as defined by the Webster, fearing The Lord is to be in awe of Him, holding a deep respect and reverence. This feeling draws us towards our awesome Lord and gives us motivation to learn His ways.
The other kind of fear will instinctively cause you to flee Him, remove yourself from the threat, we are conditioned to remove ourselves from the thing that is threatening us. Your fear is what is causing you worry and to doubt Him. Fear causes us to be afraid to move forward to take the next step for advancement because we afraid of more responsibility. If you acknowledge God as your creator and Jesus as your saviour then you are accountable, you have moved yourself away from the fear of nothing after death to the fear of not being worthy, of being unacceptable, the fear of hell.
Fear is not an emotion it is a spirit of torment. Fear is not of God. Fear is a spiritual problem. The bible tells us to treat fear as our enemy, 63 times God tell us "fear not" . Fear is introduced into our minds then spreads into our spirit. It starts as negative thoughts then progresses to paralysing fear.
You don't need to be afraid, or frightened anymore. Cast that spirit of torment out in Jesus' name. Get rid of it. God does not want you frightened or afraid.
2 Timothy 1:7 "for God has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love and of sound mind"
John 14:27 Jesus said "peace I leave with you, my peace I give you...Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid"
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Luke 12:32 "Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom"
God does not want to cast a single one of us away, no matter how unworthy we may be. The scripture where Jesus' is saying that people will profess to have done miracles and cast out demons in His name and He responds "I never knew you' He is talking about false prophets. These people live up to their name. They fill their pockets with the money of others and their ego with the praise of others while making a mockery out of Jesus and The Word of God and deceiving many people. They are not working for Jesus, they are working against Him. They know what they are doing. They have made a terrible choice, to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and they will pay a terrible price. All those people in deceived churches, believing false doctrine, most are doing so without realising, many love God, they have just been led astray. God will be merciful and loving. He knows what's in their heart, what their motive is. He will bring as many of His children to Him as He possibly can. He wants us with Him, He loves us. Our failings will not cause Our Loving Father to turn his back on us and cast us away. Jesus paid our price. God's love has already saved us.
The bible tells us God is love. Love is His nature. It is not just a friendly attitude He projects. It is the essence of His being. He is always going to act toward us in love because He cannot do otherwise.
Fear not, God loves you. Do not fear He will cast you away, trust in his embrace.

[militarynewb]

Wow, a ot of replies, give me some time and i will respond to each of you individually

[militarynewb]

I had this feeling inside when i was driving to work yesterday morning, and it was telling me to give in and go with the flow of life set in front of you . I think it was my spirit speaking to me, but i' am not sure

[militarynewb]

I think it was saying, God will push me in the right direction, i just have to give him the driving wheel and go with the flow and don't fight it.

[B. W.]

I think it was saying, God will push me in the right direction, i just have to give him the driving wheel and go with the flow and don't fight it.

Looks like he has be speaking to you in diverse ways, therefore, you are not a city forsaken and forgotten... are you?? Though you often felt like this, you are not abandoned by him. He has you in his hand and will never let you go. That is his nature of grace which brings rest and peace to the weary and you have wearied yourself for too long, haven't you? He is brings peace to you, therefore, YOU are not a city forsaken, forlorn, and forgotten...

The Lord speaks in many different ways such as through people, through nature, through dreams, impressions, gut feelings, even a still quiet voice but most often through the bible. He will never reveal to anyone anything that opposes the scriptures or his nature. He will never contradict the scriptures, his character, and his nature in anything he reveals. He will never reveal or justify malice and harm. The way he speaks, leads you close to him and a changed life that walks in goodness, kindness, gentleness, wisdom, insight, always leading you to move higher in a walk that produces living right in a wise grace filled manner. He teaches you from the bible and through prayer. So you do and can hear his real voice telling you - you have been in the driver seat too long, time to give him the wheel of your life however that is between you and him.

God bless and his peace be to you,
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[militarynewb]

Melanie, I am 100% sure that my fear is because I admire and respect the Lord. I know now that i have opened myself, if only a little, that something so great, something so magnificent as heaven, and a heavenly father, is something i believe I didn't deserve. Too live for eternity? The whole thing sounds like winning the lottery for free. It almost seems like its not fair that I would deserve this. That anyone would deserve this really. I am aware that if my spirit has been on the backburner and not burning as bright as it was meant to, it is now burning, almost yelling! at me. Things I never felt much guilt for now, make my stomach sick and my guilt rise. Just the thought of commiting some of my normal sins makes my stomach turn. Some of my most guilty pleasures are almost yelling at me to give in, and as soon as I even consider the thought there is an amazing opposing force. It stops me right in my tracks, I immediately feel guilty for having even considered it in the first place ,and I immediately pray for forgiveness, and I am confident that I am sincere in my asking of forgiveness because i seriously feel bad for even considering it! Granted getting angry at people on the road, and things of that nature i still find myself doing on a daily basis, but all of my "home" sins have decreased alot. Most of the time i go above and beyond, with my good deeds, things that i do when no one is looking. But i won't mention them, bc it would defeat their purpose. Jesus told us that we should do these good deeds, but not to do them by yelling and getting everyones attention to see that we are doing that good deed. I am coming to the conclusion that there will always be doubt in my life. Trying to beat at it wont do me any good. All i can do is pray and read the bible. If my mind forces me to ask questions like, why do we follow a book written 2,000 years ago, or it is too good to be true, or anything under those guidelines, i just calm myself and remember that Jesus and our Father know my heart better than anyone else, even myself. And if i think i know myself, half as well as i think i do, i will be alright, and will be there in heaven with all of you

[melanie]

I have days when I don't think I really deserve it either, but that's the magnificence and love of Our Father, He see's past our struggles and into our hearts and rewards us with the greatest gift we could ever ask, His grace, His compassion and His love. Each day brings new challenges, sometimes we mess up and sometimes we conquer, but all we can do is pray, look up and lean on God and take little steps towards being the kind of believers and the kind of Christians that reflect our Lord. We don't have to be perfect, we just have to trust that God is working within our spirits to bring us closer to Him.
The guilt you speak of regarding your 'old ways' is our Father working in you to live less for the world and more for Him. I think we have to use that guilt sometimes to do better and aim higher but not get stuck in it, I have done that and when I did I wasn't moving forward but beating myself up and God doesn't want that.
I struggle with getting angry when driving, I am trying hard to work on it, it would be so much easier if they weren't so many idiots on the road, driving like morons , I am a pretty patient person except when I get behind the wheel.
Keep trusting, reading scripture, praying and don't be too hard on yourself. We all have our struggles. I think as you grow with Our Father, your doubt will get less, but in the meantime you have a great attitude, don't get hung up on it, look to God and keep moving forward.
God bless you

[Philip]

Beginning to love and trust God is a bit like the initial stages of beginning to love your spouse - except that you and your spouse are mortal and thus imperfect. While imperfect, the analogy holds, in that, early on, when opening up to your spouse, learning to trust her love, well, it's scary. It means it's no longer all about yourself but your committment to another other than yourself. She must become your priority. It's scary because it's a huge risk and leap into the unknown, even if it seems to be a very smart risk. But the longer you see her love demonstrated in good times and tough times, you learn to trust more and love her ever deeper. No one knows you like your spouse - and the fact that you both know all of each other's good and bad qualities, your flaws, your fears, your hopes and dreams, makes that trust and love continue to grow, as you know they love the REAL you, as they know virtually all about you. Yet, God, Who is perfect, and knows us better than we know ourselves, perfectly loves us, the highly imperfect. And to be loved by one that knows you intimately - despite your imperfections - and throughout so many of life's struggles - over a long period of time (26 years, for us), when she has demonstrated her loyalty, undying love and commitment to you over and over, you learn to trust each other's love and devotion on increasing and ever-deeper levels. And so, with every challenge that her love helps you through, you learn to trust more and more. And thus you are ever more grateful and love her increasingly so. And so, over time, you realize that her beauty goes far beyond what you initially thought - in a thousand ways. But you couldn't have known that without the experience gained over time and thorougly proven by love and devotion. Much of the journey and experience with one's spouse has parallels in our relationship with the Lord.

Just as in our relationship with our spouse, our love and trust of God proceeds and grows deeper over time, as He shows us the great consistency of His love, care, patience and grace. But it starts with a reasonable if scary risk, and at least initially, great misunderstandings and doubts. Nonetheless, we must step out in faith. But there are many things we just can't know or understand about God without the experiences provided by living much time in our relationship with Him. And so many of our initial fears and doubts typically become far less. While we all have weak moments of doubt, I no longer ever doubt His existence or His love for me. As I learn to live in grace and not per performance or some twisted sense of karma, I don't live constantly guilt-filled. I've learned to understand God views me as I will one day be - not as per my present sin-soaked flesh. My struggles nowadays are more typically tied to wondering about His timing and purposes vs. my anxiety and human expectations based on an ever-smaller mortal timeline. As ususal, we always want so much of God's timing to be about us, our circumstances and our expectations - even though we intellectually know that not to be the case. Learning to trust God's timing and having the perserverance and patience to see it realized in our lives - and to recognize it as it happens - these become some of the bigger challenges as we mature in Christ.

[B. W.]

Melanie, I am 100% sure that my fear is because I admire and respect the Lord. I know now that i have opened myself, if only a little, that something so great, something so magnificent as heaven, and a heavenly father, is something i believe I didn't deserve. Too live for eternity? The whole thing sounds like winning the lottery for free. It almost seems like its not fair that I would deserve this. That anyone would deserve this really. I am aware that if my spirit has been on the backburner and not burning as bright as it was meant to, it is now burning, almost yelling! at me. Things I never felt much guilt for now, make my stomach sick and my guilt rise. Just the thought of commiting some of my normal sins makes my stomach turn. Some of my most guilty pleasures are almost yelling at me to give in, and as soon as I even consider the thought there is an amazing opposing force. It stops me right in my tracks, I immediately feel guilty for having even considered it in the first place ,and I immediately pray for forgiveness, and I am confident that I am sincere in my asking of forgiveness because i seriously feel bad for even considering it! Granted getting angry at people on the road, and things of that nature i still find myself doing on a daily basis, but all of my "home" sins have decreased alot. Most of the time i go above and beyond, with my good deeds, things that i do when no one is looking. But i won't mention them, bc it would defeat their purpose. Jesus told us that we should do these good deeds, but not to do them by yelling and getting everyones attention to see that we are doing that good deed. I am coming to the conclusion that there will always be doubt in my life. Trying to beat at it wont do me any good. All i can do is pray and read the bible. If my mind forces me to ask questions like, why do we follow a book written 2,000 years ago, or it is too good to be true, or anything under those guidelines, i just calm myself and remember that Jesus and our Father know my heart better than anyone else, even myself. And if i think i know myself, half as well as i think i do, i will be alright, and will be there in heaven with all of you

You will do well and can hear God speak to you in the diverse manners he speaks. Melanie and PaulS wrote to you wise words so I'll leave it at that. Instead, I'll pray that the Lord will grant you a big hug and embrace that you actually feel that will comfort you in ways profound - Amen.

God bless and God's peace shine upon you
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[militarynewb]

Thanks B.W that means alot to me!, I am currently reading a book called "The purpose driven life" by Rick Warren and it is an excellent read!

[militarynewb]

Just as in our relationship with our spouse, our love and trust of God proceeds and grows deeper over time, as He shows us the great consistency of His love, care, patience and grace. But it starts with a reasonable if scary risk, and at least initially, great misunderstandings and doubts. Nonetheless, we must step out in faith. But there are many things we just can't know or understand about God without the experiences provided by living much time in our relationship with Him. And so many of our initial fears and doubts typically become far less. While we all have weak moments of doubt, I no longer ever doubt His existence or His love for me. As I learn to live in grace and not per performance or some twisted sense of karma, I don't live constantly guilt-filled. I've learned to understand God views me as I will one day be - not as per my present sin-soaked flesh. My struggles nowadays are more typically tied to wondering about His timing and purposes vs. my anxiety and human expectations based on an ever-smaller mortal timeline. As ususal, we always want so much of God's timing to be about us, our circumstances and our expectations - even though we intellectually know that not to be the case. Learning to trust God's timing and having the perserverance and patience to see it realized in our lives - and to recognize it as it happens - these become some of the bigger challenges as we mature in Christ.

Amen to that! I just have to continue to walk towards God. I know that in time my doubts about Heaven existing and other doubts will lower in time, I hope

[bippy123]

Militaryweb, first I wanted to say welcome to the forum. You may think your faith is not strong now, but that isn't the case as the rest of us are seeing. What you are experiencing are growing pains. You are not the first Christian to go through this and you wont be the last my friend. As Philip said Faith is not about feelings. The bible even warns us about not trusting our feelings when it comes to our faith because human feelings can be fickle and can change at anytime, its all about trusting in Christ's word despite these fickle feelings that we have. Right now your faith is growing stronger then you believe, and all you have to do (and believe me I know how hard it can be at times) is let go and let God.

Rick also made an excellent point here

""You sound like myself when I was younger. Always trying to do this and that to get closer to God. I was always striving to do something. I wanted something more, which I couldn't get by my striving.

It wasn't until I just let go, and just trusted Christ to change me, that I started to change. I was at peace. Like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I was trying in vain to do something only God can do.

Once you trust Christ for salvation, you have the Holy Spirit inside you. Continue trusting in Him. Stop striving to please God. Stop striving in vain to get closer to Him. Start reading the bible, and praying that you will allow God to do His work in you. Just trust that God will do the work in your life.

It's really that simple. But in reality, It's not easy to do, because we all feel like we need to do something. We feel like we need to work at something. We don't. We trusted Christ alone for salvation. We just need to keep trusting in Him.""

Have you ever thought that u might have a bit of scrupulosity? That is religious OCD.
Some of the greatest preachers and men of God have had it.

Here is one example : John Bunyan who is well known among Bible historians as someone who had it

https://suite.io/kenneth-burchfiel/21pq2p0

A man of weakfaith would not have come into this forum seeking help for his doubts. You may not see it now but your faith is growing larger then it ever was before because u are holding on through the trial of fire, and your holding on for Christ. As Rick said just keep trusting(this is the key!!) and Christ will bring you through the storm. He is always watching over you and loving you , even when you think he isn't.

You are not the first Christian to go through this and you wont be the last to come out of it.

[militarynewb]

Thank you Bippy. I was just sitting around my house saturday morning when a post card was dropped off at my apartment door. It was for a Christian Church called "The Door" here in el paso texas. I knew this, if anything, had to be a sign from God that I was ready and had built up my relationship with him enough to take next step in my Faith and go back to church after many many years of absence. I was worried though that I would feel weird if I went back to church because I have not felt comfortable in a church in over 15 years. The only excuse i could think of, of not taking this opportunity in front of me, was that I was not going to get up early on a Sunday morning and I sure wasn't going to go in the evening. On the post card it said 11am, and I was like, well God didn't leave me any excuses haha. So I was extremely worried I was going to go into the church Sunday morning and be weirded out and not want to go back, however, to my complete disbelief, I went in there, and immediately felt at home. I didn't feel like a stranger in the church. I almost knew from that instant, I had found the church that I was meant to go to. Then after we all sang, The pastor preached about Luke Ch 24, Verses 15-35. The fact that i remember this is more huge than you realize. Before remembering this, the only part i had ever remembered was John 3:16, and that was from almost 20 years ago! At that moment coming home from church, I truly felt like i was indeed a Christian. Of course, with this, after a few days, and really starting to dig into portions of the Bible, I came to realize, that God in the Old Testament, seems to be so much different than the God we know from the New Testament. I think a certain spot, though i dont remember where, in the old testament, got me asking questions again, which i was hoping to get away from. God seemed to be talking about someone who was a baby and had nothing and God took that baby and clothed her, and gave her everything she would ever need. And then she started prostituting and whoring herself out. And all i could think while reading this, was that this God sounded really mean. In my head when i read this piece of scripture, it was and God forgive me for saying this, but it seemed like God was saying, Look at you now, your nothing but a stupid whore! It seemed like he was belittling His own creation. So now I am trying to find solutions to this....

[B. W.]

Thank you Bippy. I was just sitting around my house saturday morning when a post card was dropped off at my apartment door. It was for a Christian Church called "The Door" here in el paso texas. I knew this, if anything, had to be a sign from God that I was ready and had built up my relationship with him enough to take next step in my Faith and go back to church after many many years of absence. I was worried though that I would feel weird if I went back to church because I have not felt comfortable in a church in over 15 years. The only excuse i could think of, of not taking this opportunity in front of me, was that I was not going to get up early on a Sunday morning and I sure wasn't going to go in the evening. On the post card it said 11am, and I was like, well God didn't leave me any excuses haha. So I was extremely worried I was going to go into the church Sunday morning and be weirded out and not want to go back, however, to my complete disbelief, I went in there, and immediately felt at home. I didn't feel like a stranger in the church. I almost knew from that instant, I had found the church that I was meant to go to. Then after we all sang, The pastor preached about Luke Ch 24, Verses 15-35. The fact that i remember this is more huge than you realize. Before remembering this, the only part i had ever remembered was John 3:16, and that was from almost 20 years ago! At that moment coming home from church, I truly felt like i was indeed a Christian. Of course, with this, after a few days, and really starting to dig into portions of the Bible, I came to realize, that God in the Old Testament, seems to be so much different than the God we know from the New Testament. I think a certain spot, though i dont remember where, in the old testament, got me asking questions again, which i was hoping to get away from. God seemed to be talking about someone who was a baby and had nothing and God took that baby and clothed her, and gave her everything she would ever need. And then she started prostituting and whoring herself out. And all i could think while reading this, was that this God sounded really mean. In my head when i read this piece of scripture, it was and God forgive me for saying this, but it seemed like God was saying, Look at you now, your nothing but a stupid whore! It seemed like he was belittling His own creation. So now I am trying to find solutions to this....

Well - below is a link to an article that addresses the God of the OT and the God of the NT that may help you.

http://www.gotquestions.org/God-different.html

Another manner to try to help you come to terms with finding a solution is to think of someone constantly playing you, taking advantage you, playing your compassion and love for their own advantage. Using you, mocking you, misconstrue your words and promises, and mistreating you at every turn and doing so to all others around you too. Your own love and compassion for such a person would lash out in a fit of rage none could stand and say to that person - ENOUGH! BE GONE FAR FROM ME! and they are no more. Think of ISIS in Iraq right now, God gave such folks a gift of life and what are they doing with it? Evil is insidious and diabolical. Something had to be done and God did so in the OT. How were the people treating God back then? Do you see it yet?

1 John 4:19 says this: We love Him because He first loved us. NKJV

The Lord came and permitted himself to be betrayed, lied about, falsely accused, plotted against, despised, mocked, beaten, put on trial, had his garments stolen, stripped naked, abandoned, rejected, abused, and nailed to a cross to die a slow agonizing death. What kind of Love would do that to show us what we are like to God and each other, so we can be forgiven, cleansed of this filth, and made new who see what we have done?

That is a love more profound that I can comprehend because we do not deserve one iota of God's mercy, yet, he called out in the OT to return to him, and they did not. After a while, what can God do with those that reject him and the proven character of his love despising it totally? In the OT, God's rejected love in furious wrath was made known to those inclined to evil which betrays, spread lies, falsely accuses, plot against, despises, mocks, beats, puts on show trial, justifies theft, abandons, rejects, abuses, uses, and crucifies others in their heart, puts to death relationships, etc and etc... murders... who want nothing to do with God. In the NT, He came and exposed this in order to save those who believe in his salvation all offered freely that changes lives out of darkness into his light. With a love like that, how can one find fault with God in both the OT and the NT?

He had no need to consider us at all but still came...

Do you see it now?
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