My journey

[PaulSacramento]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it, a lot.

You`re right, running away from this isn`t going to help. I just feel like I`ve let God down, and myself

I have spoken to my doctor, I have an appointment next week so I will see what help I can get. I`m also seeing the Catholic priest again next Thursday so I will see if I can lean on the church too for a while.

I will keep praying.

I have, at least, cut down so there has been some progress.

When we fall, when we stumble, all it means is that we are still human.
God knows this and He is here for Us, always.
You will find the strength you need in HIM.

[1over137]

God is patient with us. Be patient with yourself too.

[Storyteller]

I`m tired of stumbling and falling.

Each time, I pick myself up, brush myself down, and start again with new hope but the last few times it feels like I`ve fallen further and it`s harder to get up again.

The other evening, I was drinking (on a designated night) and for the first time I felt scared. Scared that I won`t beat this, scared that the Devil will win. Before finding Christ I never really took the power of Satan seriously, kinda dismissed it as more of a metaphor for evil. I know now, that he is as real as God and that scares me too.

I am proud of myself for restricting how much, and how often I drink, but I want so much to go even further.

I have always known that I need to learn patience, I just wish He chose a different way of teaching me it.

I think, perhaps, I need to concentrate on what I have acheived, like starting drinking later, restricting it to twice a week, that kind of thing, rather than getting frustrated that I can`t conquer this instantly.

I am continually praying, working things out and I still give myself, totally, to Christ. Maybe I will get even closer to Him in this confused, broken state.

I take comfort from Matthew 9:12 "And hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

[B. W.]

I`m tired of stumbling and falling.

Each time, I pick myself up, brush myself down, and start again with new hope but the last few times it feels like I`ve fallen further and it`s harder to get up again.

The other evening, I was drinking (on a designated night) and for the first time I felt scared. Scared that I won`t beat this, scared that the Devil will win. Before finding Christ I never really took the power of Satan seriously, kinda dismissed it as more of a metaphor for evil. I know now, that he is as real as God and that scares me too.

I am proud of myself for restricting how much, and how often I drink, but I want so much to go even further.

I have always known that I need to learn patience, I just wish He chose a different way of teaching me it.

I think, perhaps, I need to concentrate on what I have acheived, like starting drinking later, restricting it to twice a week, that kind of thing, rather than getting frustrated that I can`t conquer this instantly.

I am continually praying, working things out and I still give myself, totally, to Christ. Maybe I will get even closer to Him in this confused, broken state.

I take comfort from Matthew 9:12 "And hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Yes, there is areal devil and his minions out there and they do prey on thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Th drinking is a symptom of a deeper issue with the deep recesses of the heart, a wound, that needs healed. Jesus quoted Isaiah 61:1-4 and gave us charge to walk as he - to heal the broken heart. So, if you do not mind sharing - how was your heart broke? If you need to PM then please do on this...
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[1over137]

The Armor of God

Bible Gateway

10
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

You drink because of something. I hopeyou do not drink because of you drink as in the book The Little Prince.

[abelcainsbrother]

Here is a testimony that might help and you can find more.
https://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=3j3t6JVvp5Q

[Storyteller]

B. W.

Thank you xx


ACB..

I watched the video, thank you. I shall see where I am guided by the doctor.

Hana..

I think I may be getting to the bottom of why I drink, not read The Little Prince, will ned to google.

[Storyteller]

So, I have seen the priest, who was very, very helpful. I think I am going to attend Mass for a while, see how it goes.

The Dr has suggested making a note of what i drink, and when, how I feel before, during and after drinking for a month.

I am talking to a few people on here about it too and it is being really helpful, in particular B. W. and ES. I think I am getting to why I drink and there are a lot of tears being shed. I do actually feel like I may finally be able to heal.

I am finding a tremendous amount of support on here right now and there are a few threads that are particularly helpful, even if I`m not posting much at the moment. I am still around, I`m just immersing myself in God and reading at the moment.

I am actually really starting to believe that I can beat this, there WILL be a day where I no longer drink.

[melanie]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Annette.

[Storyteller]

Thanks Mel

I really do appreciate it, thank you!

Your forgiveness thread was/is one that is helping me a lot.

I`m not quite ready to share why, suffice to say that I have someone to forgive too, it`s hard, the hurt runs so deep, hence the drinking I think. To let go of that hurt, that anger is so very hard, even when you want to.

[melanie]

Thanks Mel

I really do appreciate it, thank you!

Your forgiveness thread was/is one that is helping me a lot.

I`m not quite ready to share why, suffice to say that I have someone to forgive too, it`s hard, the hurt runs so deep, hence the drinking I think. To let go of that hurt, that anger is so very hard, even when you want to.

It is hard. I understand Annette, and whilst I have overcome a lot I am still on my journey of healing
The patience and love and empathy you so effortlessly show to others you need to give yourself. Never be too hard on yourself. Being a christian doesn't mean being perfect it means being real. Being real is enlightning and freeing but it asks us to be authentic. Authentically flawed, hurt and damaged. Not hiding behind but what we think we should be but honest and brave enough to admit what we are.
I have so much love and respect for you because you have chosen to bare yourself and walk the 'real' path. So many people don't. There is no such thing as a perfect christian, don't ever distance yourself because you don't think your good enough, your humilty and honesty reveals so much more about you than you realise.
A beauty, a fragility, a strength, an ability to expose what you would rather cover over and turn it over not to weakness nor failure but to authenticity.
God sees us for who we are.
Exposed.
Our heart is what displays us.
Not our failures or discrepancies.
But our love. Our faith.
He heals the rest. Little by little. Bit by bit.
Couple steps forward, few steps back sometimes, but if we never leave His side He leads us to victory.

[Storyteller]

Now that brought tears of healing.

I am in a world of pain right now yet I feel blessed and loved.
Its taken me until now to admit it, to face it, to deal with it.
And I feel God carrying me.
There are so many people I have to let go and it hurts.

I am learning that I am loved, worth loving.
I dont want to change, just get better and closer to God.

Rejection and lonliness are too familiar to me, its hard to lose that shell, become vulnerable again, to trust that this time Im safe.

But I am.
So I will embrace this pain and weep before God.
And trust in the hands that wipe them away.
I love you all.
Especially God.

[Kurieuo]

Hope God blesses you with the emotional support that you need.
Don't ignore those in your life who are there in person.

I find my kids can be such a blessing when I feel quite down, even if they're so young.
Normally I'm so sapped from work, home chores and looking after kids -- it all feels one way.
Then it feels so strange when they try to be there for me e.g., if I've been angry or am evidently frustrated, "it's alright Daddy, I love you" and give me hug.

Often I'll push my wife away, sometimes I'll be mad at her and non-responsive, but then she is such a great source of support too when I really need it.

I'm sure you have some people there, I know you have a daughter and husband right?
Although I don't claim to know whether such are in good standing, but don't overlook them to just share on a board like this -- which while full of great people, can only realistically be there for you to such a degree typing at a keyboard. You know what I mean?

Reach out to others near you who can help, even if you don't think they would care -- you'll find they might actually if given the opportunity.

My prayers are with you A.

[1over137]

Now that brought tears of healing.

I am in a world of pain right now yet I feel blessed and loved.
Its taken me until now to admit it, to face it, to deal with it.
And I feel God carrying me.
There are so many people I have to let go and it hurts.

I am learning that I am loved, worth loving.
I dont want to change, just get better and closer to God.

Rejection and lonliness are too familiar to me, its hard to lose that shell, become vulnerable again, to trust that this time Im safe.

But I am.
So I will embrace this pain and weep before God.
And trust in the hands that wipe them away.
I love you all.
Especially God.

I would give you my hug if I was there and you could weep on my shoulders.

[Storyteller]

Hope God blesses you with the emotional support that you need.
Don't ignore those in your life who are there in person.

I find my kids can be such a blessing when I feel quite down, even if they're so young.
Normally I'm so sapped from work, home chores and looking after kids -- it all feels one way.
Then it feels so strange when they try to be there for me e.g., if I've been angry or am evidently frustrated, "it's alright Daddy, I love you" and give me hug.

Often I'll push my wife away, sometimes I'll be mad at her and non-responsive, but then she is such a great source of support too when I really need it.

I'm sure you have some people there, I know you have a daughter and husband right?
Although I don't claim to know whether such are in good standing, but don't overlook them to just share on a board like this -- which while full of great people, can only realistically be there for you to such a degree typing at a keyboard. You know what I mean?

Reach out to others near you who can help, even if you don't think they would care -- you'll find they might actually if given the opportunity.

My prayers are with you A.

Thanks K, I appreciate it

I am leaning on my daughter and husband, I am talking to my doctor and the local priest, it all helps.

Posting on here helps too, it gives me some release and helps sort my thoughts and feelings, somewhere safe to ramble.