Age gap

[PaulSacramento]

When I hear people say "age is just a number" I sympathize.
Then the father in me kicks in and yeah...not so much.

And if age was just a number we wouldn't have an "age of consent" ( not to mention statutory rape laws).

Lets be honest here for a moment, we are not talking about a 30 year old person dating or marrying a 50 year old or a 40 year old with a 60.
People issues tend to be in the area of 20 and 50 or even 20 and 40.
Its no really an age thing as it is an experience thing I guess.
A 20 year old girl with a 50 year old guy ( or vice versa), I think most would have some concerns.

[RickD]

When my wife turned 44, I told her I was going to trade her in for 2 twenty-two year olds.


She didn't seem too concerned, because she asked me why I thought 2 twenty-two year olds would want anything to do with me.

The truth hurts!

[Storyteller]

ST wrote:
Rick, that comment really, really deserves a slap. And I hope it was a flippant comment.

I loved him, and him me, we just realised that we both deserved and wanted something better.
And we are still friends.

Yes,

It was said just to see how you would respond.

ST wrote:

And philip, he was old enough to be my father, and in a lot of ways he was a father figure but we both grew because of, and got something special out of the relationship

FYI, it was PaulS who made the comment, not Philip.

Annette,

***comment deleted because in was insensitive.

apologies to philip then.

rick, your quip hurt me.

its all I ever heard, must be his money. I loved him, I actually earnt more than him.
maybe I am being sensitive.

[RickD]

ST wrote:
Rick, that comment really, really deserves a slap. And I hope it was a flippant comment.

I loved him, and him me, we just realised that we both deserved and wanted something better.
And we are still friends.

Yes,

It was said just to see how you would respond.

ST wrote:

And philip, he was old enough to be my father, and in a lot of ways he was a father figure but we both grew because of, and got something special out of the relationship

FYI, it was PaulS who made the comment, not Philip.

Annette,

***comment deleted because in was insensitive.

apologies to philip then.

rick, your quip hurt me.

its all I ever heard, must be his money. I loved him, I actually earnt more than him.
maybe I am being sensitive.

Annette,

I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought my comment was so obviously stupid that you'd realize it was a joke. Just an FYI for future, whenever I make a male chauvinist joke, it's a JOKE!
I didn't realize it was such a sensitive subject for you, and I apologize for upsetting you.

[Storyteller]

ST wrote:
Rick, that comment really, really deserves a slap. And I hope it was a flippant comment.

I loved him, and him me, we just realised that we both deserved and wanted something better.
And we are still friends.

Yes,

It was said just to see how you would respond.

ST wrote:

And philip, he was old enough to be my father, and in a lot of ways he was a father figure but we both grew because of, and got something special out of the relationship

FYI, it was PaulS who made the comment, not Philip.

Annette,

***comment deleted because in was insensitive.

apologies to philip then.

rick, your quip hurt me.

its all I ever heard, must be his money. I loved him, I actually earnt more than him.
maybe I am being sensitive.

Annette,

I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought my comment was so obviously stupid that you'd realize it was a joke. Just an FYI for future, whenever I make a male chauvinist joke, it's a JOKE!
I didn't realize it was such a sensitive subject for you, and I apologize for upsetting you.

(((((Rick))))

Im just being sensitive.

Thank you xxxxx

[Kurieuo]

But, it was for his money right? Either that, or his really big bookstore.
(sorry I couldn't help myself)

[Storyteller]

I am sooooo tempted...

begone satan

[RickD]

Storyteller,

By chance, did you inherit your book store when someone died?

[Storyteller]

No.

My husband paid for it, built it and created it.

For me.
And its perfect.

[Jac3510]

To the OP, in my opinion, age is not just a number. Your age has a lot to do with your position in life, and I don't just mean financially, although that is part of it. I'm talking your emotional/physical/spiritual development, where you are in your career, the kinds of goals you are persuing and why you are persuing them, how you relate to others, the kind of social networks and support systems you have (all of which can be asked the same types of questions above), and so on. I have absolutely zero doubt that a twenty year old can be truly in love with a fifty or sixty year old. But per the country song, the question is whether sometimes love is enough.

I know this is the exact opposite of how we tend to view things, but there is such a thing as the pragmatic aspect of all this. And to that point, there is an old virtue we used to call prudence that we just don't talk about anymore. On the contrary, we tend to glorify imprudent acts--the more imprudent they are, they greater they are, because they prove just how big the love is! And when that's all that matters, well . . .

Ok, so I don't think that's all that matters. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying love doesn't matter. I'm saying it's just one part of the equation. When you marry someone who is of a very different generation than you, you run the risk of running into all sorts of problems you just couldn't have predicted. In other words, it's just imprudent.

And while I'm making unpopular statements, let me add this one: the same issue of prudence would come up in marrying someone in a massively difference social class or of a very different culture than you. Please let me be very clear. I'm not anywhere near saying that it is sinful or wrong to to marry someone much richer or much poorer than you, or that a New York gentry should never marry an Alabama redneck (although I would ask if they'd every watched an episode of Green Acres). I'm saying that some things are just unlikely to work. That's just being real.

And if you take all this back to a more fundamental discussion of what marriage is (and the older model of courting rather than dating) in which we conceive of marriage as the public institution of a permanent union of a man and woman for the purpose of beaing and rearing good, productive children, then all of this makes even more sense.

Ah, but Hollywood doesn't like any of this. It isn't sexy. It doesn't sizzle. It doesn't sell.

tl;dr, age is not just a number. It tells us, for the most part, something about the (im)prudence of getting into a relationship. Of course, in some cases, it actually is a moral issue, as when the age difference creates a power dynamic of intimidation and coercion (which is why we have laws against thirty year old men having sex with fourteen year old girls). But, excepting those extreme issues, age is still not "just a number."

tl;dr2 - classical thinking ftw!

[RickD]

No.

My husband paid for it, built it and created it.

For me.
And its perfect.

Awww. Now that's love! He's a keeper!

Btw, how old is your husband?

[Storyteller]

51.

Im 45.


:p

[Jac3510]

But, it was for his money right? Either that, or his really big bookstore.
(sorry I couldn't help myself)

He promised her a big bookstore. Who can blame a girl for falling for that? We all know size matters.

[RickD]

51.

Im 45.


:p

He's not that much older than you {cough cough wheeze wheeze}.

[RickD]

But, it was for his money right? Either that, or his really big bookstore.
(sorry I couldn't help myself)

He promised her a big bookstore. Who can blame a girl for falling for that? We all know size matters.

And here I am, worrying about my jokes being offensive.