I've already gone over my past in the questioning deism thread so I'll start splanin from 3 months back +.
I can't really stress this enough, I did not come here seeking to convince myself of the Christian faith; more than anything I came here to strengthen my deistic beliefs through reminding myself of the absurdities of the Christian religion. Deism was a form of "idon'tcarism" for me personally. It was more than anything a way to justify my disbelief in an infinitely regress-able universe while at the same time not bonding me with religious dogma I viewed as absurd. Deism seemed the most logical solution to the great question, but I suppose it had it's logical flaws. Questions did sporadically arise when I thought of my beliefs, the chief of those namely being "why did fred do this?" I did believe that doubt could be overcome through exposing myself further to the absurd alternatives; obviously, that did not happen.
Deism is illogical to me now; jac did a good job of exposing some major flaws in my deistic philosophy. It got me thinking. Admittedly, reading through the 'proof' of the illogical nature of deism according to jac based on my own flawed logic was not enough, it simply rung in my head that me being a physics major who's taken a single philosophy class could not adequately and fairly debate the subject. The problem was, as I found from further reading, there really is no 'good' way to defend deism. It's an illogical belief system. It does not make logical sense.
It's a downward slope from here. Deism is illogical. Seeing as I cannot justify the infinite universe (also how I am a firm believer in the big bang theory), but at the same time find deism illogical, theism reared it's beautiful head.
Judaism seemed to lack true sense of relationship, that's crossed off the list (it's not a very appealing religion either). Islam was founded by a bloodthirsty, pedophile; that's off the list. Mormonism is a historical stand up comedy skit; off the list. Buddhism seemed to similar to deism; off the list. My sister in law's naturism/paganism, again, is just a cheap form of deism; off da list. Christianity does pack a pretty good historical sucker punch thus seeming the most appealing when coupled with it's very theistic,relational theology, and powerful way of changing lives (as seen through the "what is faith to you?" and this testimony forum) but it still had many issues I had to remedy somehow. I could not (still cannot fully) believe in much of genesis, even taking it as 'poetic language.'
So nothing seems perfect logically at this point, but what the heck I was raised catholic, let's give the front runner another try. So I gave it another try.
I tried sincerely praying to yahyew for the first time in many moons, it was very comforting, indeed a terrific feeling of love and joy. I felt compelled to attempt to return to my childhood faith. I went to confession (where I promptly accidentally cut in front of a crippled old lady) and received absolution for the first time in nigh 3 years. It was very incredible experience, like a boulder was tossed off my back into the ocean. I received the sacrament of the holy eucharist, something I don't think I've ever done with the appreciation of what it truly is ever before. This was the "breaking point" if there was one at all. I know what this love I feel is. I know where this feeling of joy, love and acceptance comes from. I know it's real and I never wish to turn away again. I think I stayed on my knees crying ( 6'2 215 pound man crying) for the rest of the mass not ever wanting to leave the state of prayer I was in. In hindsight I guess this would be that "blowing of trumpets of the holy spirit entering me" event I didn't think actually happened for a while after.
I waited 3 months before informing others (besides jac, who really helped me along by the way) because it'd be a bit disheartening to some I'm sure if my expectations came through that this was just an emotional rollercoaster, not a true case of belief, and this faith simply faded away. 3 months in i'm well aware it's not going anywhere for the rest of my life, thus why it is shared will all now
The love of all here, guided by Christ, is a major reason I re-explored my faith and found such an amazing gift that i'll be sure to cherish forever.
Christ is an will always be my savior and my dearest friend. That's what I know for certain now.
God is great
#Callmehappyflappytheist
I am very very glad for your return. This is, as it seems to me, is our Protestant friends' calling, "born again" All the feeling, all the sincerity all the emotional responses all the root integrity are... all the same, in a sacramental way. Congratulations on your rediscovery by God on your behalf. Look forward to your 'New Wine" participation. 
