My journey

[Storyteller]

Annette,

As I read through your posts, I can't help but thank God that you came to this forum. One of my biggest pet peeves with people, and especially "religious" people, is how fake people can be. They put on a happy mask, and pretend to others, that their lives are great. They don't want to be real, and let themselves be vulnerable. I really admire how you are open and honest with all of us here.
It really shows me how God is working in your life. And how you are allowing Him to work.

You are such a blessing to us here. And with everything you are going through, God has a plan for you. Keep praying and listening to Him.

I know you already know this, but through everything, trust in Him. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

We need a happy tears smiley

Thank you Rick, really, from the depths of my soul

[melanie]

The last few days have been surreal. I have cried so, so much. And given thanks to God.
I have been so close to, and distant from, at the same time from God. Something has happened, is happening and I don't know how to explain it.
Why do I care more about if my family find Christ than, say, Ken or ed? Are we not told to love our neighbour? How much it must hurt God, to see His creation turn away from Him.

I was praying, not particularly earnestly, just being kinda there and I caught a scent. Of roses. And yes, I know the significance of that, and its the second time. I bawled. I felt broken, totally and utterly broken. Drunk, stoned and sinning. But I also felt something else. Remorse. And forgiveness, acceptance. Love.

The thing I've been missing is that it's okay. I am human. I will sin, it's how I react to that.

I am broken.
I have lied and cheated.
I have hurt those I love and I have hurt strangers.
I have sinned.

I finally broke open in front of God, and wept, on my knees.

I have been given something that no words can express.

I am proud, with all my faults, all my sins, all my scars, to stand and say Christ is my Lord.

I had a moment, a brief, terrifying moment, just for a heartbeat, of doubt. A nano second of allowing the idea of Him not being real and I saw Satan. Not actually saw, or felt, or anything, just this flash of an impression.

I have felt the furthest away from God than I ever want to again, but, I think I had to, to come back this close.
This time was different, this time I kept praying. I didn't hide. Anything. Even that moment of doubt.

So how to conclude?

I don't know if I'm honest, so I'll just hit submit.

Hugest hugs xoxo
I think we may share a lot of the same struggles.
Some have passed, some are in progress and some are ready to be conquered.
Always here for you

[Storyteller]

Thank you mel. People always "it means a lot" but it really does mean a lot thank you xoxox

[Storyteller]

I have to say I have been humbled by the reaction of people here.
I express myself best like this, typing, online.
I was hesitant to start this thread, who would wanna read my thoughts? Would anyone else care what I thought? Was it just self indulgent?
Then I thought, we all have a gift, what if mine is as simple as this? Offering my thoughts, my feelings. Baring my soul?
This thread, it's more than just my journey, it's part of everyone who shares in it. You have all touched my life, so in return, I give you me. It's all I have.

[RickD]

My eyes are starting to water...


Must be allergies.

[Storyteller]

My eyes are starting to water...


Must be allergies.

*happy tear smiley*

[Storyteller]

You know I wonder sometimes, what you all really think of me. Then I read the stuff you all say, and I know. And it makes me feel loved.

I wanna ask something but it kinda becomes, I dunno, redundant, in the asking. Or needy, or even prideful, and thats not why I wanna know.
So I'm just gonna ask...

what do you make of my faith, how would you describe my attitude to it? Particularly people like ed, ken and audie (who knows if they even read this?)

There.
I asked.
Because I really am curious.

[Storyteller]

Standing on the seashore of my life
Listening to the tide.
Wave over wave of forgiveness.
Break upon my shore.
Of sin.

Washing them away,
Bringing something new.
Wave over wave of forgiveness.
Break upon my shore.
Of hope.

Cannot hold the tide.
Nor God.
Wave over wave of forgiveness.
Break upon my shore.
Of love.

[B. W.]

My eyes are starting to water...


Must be allergies.

Some allergy - must be here in Colorado too
-
-
-

[1over137]

I have to say I have been humbled by the reaction of people here.
I express myself best like this, typing, online.
I was hesitant to start this thread, who would wanna read my thoughts? Would anyone else care what I thought? Was it just self indulgent?
Then I thought, we all have a gift, what if mine is as simple as this? Offering my thoughts, my feelings. Baring my soul?
This thread, it's more than just my journey, it's part of everyone who shares in it. You have all touched my life, so in return, I give you me. It's all I have.

Anette,
I do not remember from the recent past all three gifts I had on mind you have but two were honesty and humbleness.
I think you start to understand your gifts.
May you learn more and more to use your gifts for God's glory.

... and here is hug for you

[Storyteller]

I have to say I have been humbled by the reaction of people here.
I express myself best like this, typing, online.
I was hesitant to start this thread, who would wanna read my thoughts? Would anyone else care what I thought? Was it just self indulgent?
Then I thought, we all have a gift, what if mine is as simple as this? Offering my thoughts, my feelings. Baring my soul?
This thread, it's more than just my journey, it's part of everyone who shares in it. You have all touched my life, so in return, I give you me. It's all I have.

Anette,
I do not remember from the recent past all three gifts I had on mind you have but two were honesty and humbleness.
I think you start to understand your gifts.
May you learn more and more to use your gifts for God's glory.

... and here is hug for you

right back at ya Hana..

I just never want to get too complacent, y'know? Take anything for granted.

I love Christ, with all of my heart. I want to serve Him. I like reaching out to people, I care, deeply. About everyone. Love comes easy to me. I want to know people, what they think, and why.

I never thought my faith would be this strong.

I would not stand up and say I know God is real, ever. Because I dont.
I believe He is.

That's all He asks.

Honest? Me?
About how I feel, yes, always.
Humble? If I say yes, I'm not, if I say no, I'm denying it. If I recognise it in myself then doesnt it kinda spoil it?

The last few days have been so revealing, uplifting and filled with God.

Hana...

I pray for you daily my love, thank you. For posting what you did. For being you. xoxox

[Philip]

I never thought my faith would be this strong.

Just an off the cuff thought, but it seems to me that our minds get filled with so much pointless stuff, so much busyness, electronic distractions, a bazillion interests (in my case), etc., that sometimes our minds just get lost in the competing din. We feel numb. We're kind of sleep walking through life, walking pointless paths. We know God is there, but our minds are so often preoccupied with so much stuff that truly doesn't matter, but that we are obsessed with. I found out, (over 22 years ago, back when I was seriously ill for a year, significantly so nearly 3+) that two things really reveal how strong your core faith is: It's 1) when you are stripped to your core (broken!) and all the competing things either aren't available OR you are forced to put them away (or they're TAKEN away), and 2) when you are forced to suffer, in some key way, to the point where you are constantly crying out to God. These are when one really discovers what they believe, what their faith truly is. Of course, for some, it's where they first discover their faith. But as crisis goes away, normality returns, the busyness cranks back up - well, it is a challenge to maintain our relationship with God with near the intensity that crisis produces. It takes discipline and determination. It takes getting off by yourself on a consistent basis and shutting down all of the competing voices and things and just spending time with God. I struggle with doing that. I must have spiritual ADD? Seems I often must RE-learn the very same lessons God has already taught me. Thankfully, God is unbelievably patient in His love for us!

Well, the above just struck me. Oh, look, a SQUIRREL!

Do you think this ever happened to HIM?

[Storyteller]

I never thought my faith would be this strong.

Just an off the cuff thought, but it seems to me that our minds get filled with so much pointless stuff, so much busyness, electronic distractions, a bazillion interests (in my case), etc., that sometimes our minds just get lost in the competing din. We feel numb. We're kind of sleep walking through life, walking pointless paths. We know God is there, but our minds are so often preoccupied with so much stuff that truly doesn't matter, but that we are obsessed with. I found out, (over 22 years ago, back when I was seriously ill for a year, significantly so nearly 3+) that two things really reveal how strong your core faith is: It's 1) when you are stripped to your core (broken!) and all the competing things either aren't available OR you are forced to put them away (or they're TAKEN away), and 2) when you are forced to suffer, in some key way, to the point where you are constantly crying out to God. These are when one really discovers what they believe, what their faith truly is. Of course, for some, it's where they first discover their faith. But as crisis goes away, normality returns, the busyness cranks back up - well, it is a challenge to maintain our relationship with God with near the intensity that crisis produces. It takes discipline and determination. It takes getting off by yourself on a consistent basis and shutting down all of the competing voices and things and just spending time with God. I struggle with doing that. I must have spiritual ADD? Seems I often must RE-learn the very same lessons God has already taught me. Thankfully, God is unbelievably patient in His love for us!

Well, the above just struck me. Oh, look, a SQUIRREL!

Do you think this ever happened to HIM?

I like squirrels.

[1over137]

right back at ya Hana..

I just never want to get too complacent, y'know? Take anything for granted.

I love Christ, with all of my heart. I want to serve Him. I like reaching out to people, I care, deeply. About everyone. Love comes easy to me. I want to know people, what they think, and why.

I never thought my faith would be this strong.

I would not stand up and say I know God is real, ever. Because I dont.
I believe He is.

That's all He asks.

Honest? Me?
About how I feel, yes, always.
Humble? If I say yes, I'm not, if I say no, I'm denying it. If I recognise it in myself then doesnt it kinda spoil it?

right

The last few days have been so revealing, uplifting and filled with God.

Hana...

I pray for you daily my love, thank you. For posting what you did. For being you. xoxox

thank you and you're welcome

[Storyteller]

Was talking to lil`un last night, about God and such.

Her response was "Well, of course we were all created. You and Dad created me, your Mum and Dad created you. If we are all created by someone then it makes sense that we are all created by somebody. Most people call that God.

When I asked her what she thought about God, her reply was that she is too busy living to think about God right now. Anyway, God knows what she thinks so it`s all okay.

None of that was led by me, it`s what she thinks


Looks like the HS is busy in her already