My journey

[Storyteller]

Well this was unexpected..

hubs came home drunk tonight, told me he wants a divorce.

Maybe its the alcohol, the stress.

[Storyteller]

I feel like im losing everything, but how can I? I have God.
I wont lose my daughter, or myself.
if divorce is the path, then God deemed it so.
maybe its a chance, to move forward.

pray for me, please

[Philip]

Annette, I am ON it! And, never take the words of an upset drunk person to be what his sober mind would think, his mouth would speak. Between all of the stuff with your store, the move, the financial crunch of it all, in this economy, it's all likely built into a mountain, in his mind, at least. Let the air clear, let sober minds have a heartfelt discussion. He may just be overwhelmed and blamed you in a drunken despair. God knows the situation. He will guide you. Your reaction is very interesting, perhaps coming from shock and hurt. But again, see what the clear-minded morning will bring. Meanwhile, take care to eat right and get good rest. I wish I could help. But I can tell, if from afar, that your are a remarkable lady, one who loves deeply and thinks intensely. And are probably the type that typically hurts deeper than most. Just don't panic. Whatever this is all about, God wasn't blindsided, and He knows exactly what is best for you both.

Keep us updated. I'll be around this weekend, I check this post.

[1over137]

Yes,
keep us updated

hug for you

[Storyteller]

He wants a divorce. Wants out, doesnt want to be with me BUT it would break our daughters heart.

There is a lot to talk about.

I love you guys, thank you for all you do

Am thinking, praying and crying, alot.
Yet, I still feel, I dunno, safe.

[IceMobster]

Annette, I am ON it! And, never take the words of an upset drunk person to be what his sober mind would think, his mouth would speak. Between all of the stuff with your store, the move, the financial crunch of it all, in this economy, it's all likely built into a mountain, in his mind, at least. Let the air clear, let sober minds have a heartfelt discussion. He may just be overwhelmed and blamed you in a drunken despair. God knows the situation. He will guide you. Your reaction is very interesting, perhaps coming from shock and hurt. But again, see what the clear-minded morning will bring. Meanwhile, take care to eat right and get good rest. I wish I could help. But I can tell, if from afar, that your are a remarkable lady, one who loves deeply and thinks intensely. And are probably the type that typically hurts deeper than most. Just don't panic. Whatever this is all about, God wasn't blindsided, and He knows exactly what is best for you both.

Keep us updated. I'll be around this weekend, I check this post.

I don't want to inflict any more damage, and sorry if I do, but I partly disagree with Philip's second sentence.
You know the saying: truth is being told by a drunk person, a kid or a someone on his/her deathbed.
Now this is not necessarily always correct, but I am taking personal experience into hand...

Anyways, another question should be posed: was he dead drunk or kinda 50% drunk (idk how else should I phrase this... as in being able to walk for some time without falling down, does he remember anything etc) because that could lead to signs if he was for real or just talking nonsense or talking sense but you couldn't understand (imagine that, I think a psychological process (which can be done with help or without it), where you go into a "trance" and write your thoughts on a piece of a paper -- nobody would understand what you wrote and maybe not even you if a subconsciousness took part in it)

Then again, maybe it is a drunken nonsense as in him not wanting to blame himself or someone else and blows it all onto you. My mother and I have had a lot of these...

I am sorry I didn't check the whole journey of yours, but, how is your communication with him? Is it normal for you two to talk (it out)? Or are the conversations really difficult? If they are not, try asking him if he remembers anything of that night and furthermore on the topic (of divorce -- the reasons,etc).

Wish you all the best!

[Storyteller]

I know the harm I've done to, and in my marriage, and I am truly sorry.
One day, I will face God with those regrets.
I tried, I survived, just.
And I will still love. Always.

I dont fit in, never did. Except with animals, or old people, the dying, the very young.

We tried two therapists, one Christian, both suggested that perhaps the fault wasnt all mine, he thought they were both frauds.
He is even more broken than I.

God

(talk about moving in mysterious ways)

[Storyteller]

Annette, I am ON it! And, never take the words of an upset drunk person to be what his sober mind would think, his mouth would speak. Between all of the stuff with your store, the move, the financial crunch of it all, in this economy, it's all likely built into a mountain, in his mind, at least. Let the air clear, let sober minds have a heartfelt discussion. He may just be overwhelmed and blamed you in a drunken despair. God knows the situation. He will guide you. Your reaction is very interesting, perhaps coming from shock and hurt. But again, see what the clear-minded morning will bring. Meanwhile, take care to eat right and get good rest. I wish I could help. But I can tell, if from afar, that your are a remarkable lady, one who loves deeply and thinks intensely. And are probably the type that typically hurts deeper than most. Just don't panic. Whatever this is all about, God wasn't blindsided, and He knows exactly what is best for you both.

Keep us updated. I'll be around this weekend, I check this post.

I don't want to inflict any more damage, and sorry if I do, but I partly disagree with Philip's second sentence.
You know the saying: truth is being told by a drunk person, a kid or a someone on his/her deathbed.
Now this is not necessarily always correct, but I am taking personal experience into hand...

Anyways, another question should be posed: was he dead drunk or kinda 50% drunk (idk how else should I phrase this... as in being able to walk for some time without falling down, does he remember anything etc) because that could lead to signs if he was for real or just talking nonsense or talking sense but you couldn't understand (imagine that, I think a psychological process (which can be done with help or without it), where you go into a "trance" and write your thoughts on a piece of a paper -- nobody would understand what you wrote and maybe not even you if a subconsciousness took part in it)

Then again, maybe it is a drunken nonsense as in him not wanting to blame himself or someone else and blows it all onto you. My mother and I have had a lot of these...

I am sorry I didn't check the whole journey of yours, but, how is your communication with him? Is it normal for you two to talk (it out)? Or are the conversations really difficult? If they are not, try asking him if he remembers anything of that night and furthermore on the topic (of divorce -- the reasons,etc).

Wish you all the best!

We talk, all the time.
Yeah, he meant it but we will struggle on.
All we can do.

We are, to put it mildly, complete oppisites.
In everything.

I will follow God, always.
If I have to choose, which I might. Thats why im scared.

The ultimate 'put your money where your mouth is'

[IceMobster]

We talk, all the time.
Yeah, he meant it but we will struggle on.
All we can do.

We are, to put it mildly, complete oppisites.
In everything.

I will follow God, always.
If I have to choose, which I might. Thats why im scared.

The ultimate 'put your money where your mouth is'

Hmmm...

That means he does not believe in God?

What are the other reasons? How did you get into a situation like this?

The reason I am asking is because I remember a question posed to my theology teacher: "Would you ever cheat on your wife?" and he explained that is not possible since there would have to be some kind of trouble, "rotting" in the relationship much before cheating would be considered and/or done.

So, where did it get wrong? Think about it. Close yourself in the whitest room possible (since that apparently works for creativity(I hope, then, thinking, as well, no?), as kinda proved, by Lego company), of course not for days, but for a few minutes and think about it.

When you do that, ask your husband to do the same? You see, I am putting a lot of question marks because I am not really familiar with the situation nor I understand the reasons behind the possible divorce, but I don't think it is good to stay in a marriage just because of the child. Child(no matter the age) can feel the disturbance and lack of love and understanding in a relationship of his/her parents. It doesn't have positive effects, sister. :/

[Storyteller]

In a nutshell..

Had four miscarriages, then my daughter, had post natal depression, undiagnosed for seven years. I was in a dark place, lost in alcohol, wed, and chatrooms.
I was never good enough for hubbs.
I met someone, fell hard, had an affair. hubbs found out.

The elephant in the room is that my lover gave me what hubs couldnt, acceptance.

Honestly? Id leave in a heartbeat. if I do that, I think it would destroy his relationship with her.

[1over137]

Before you married, when you married, what did you and your husband enjoy together?
What did bring you together?

[melanie]

Annette, I have been where you are,
Perhaps not exactly of course but I resonate very deeply in your situation because it reflects a very similar situation to my own.
It's not easy to talk about, and I haven't openly 'gone there'.
But I can not empathise enough...patience.
Hurt, betrayal, an affair damages a man beyond what we as woman realise. I'm not excusing for a second the circumstances that lead to it, it's a two way street, and that damage occurs long before the affair and it obscures who the victim really is.
Nobody in a happy, secure marriage looks elsewhere.
That falls on the marraige not on the individual.
But we become lost in it, we become victims of our past that relives our future. You have always persisted in the fact that your hubby is a good guy. A great guy and I'm sure he is.
Our failures are not theirs.
But they carry them as if they are because that's what men do.
My marriage was shaken to the very core.
I blamed him and he blamed me.
He deserved the blame so much and them some but he didn't deserve what I did,
That's falls with me.
And it wasn't about falling in despair, it was about taking ownership of what I did and working through it together.
I spent the first year agonising over why I did it, and his role to play, making excuses before I took stock and realised I made this ship sink, it wasn't up to him to patch the sinking holes it was up to me to fix it.
If he wanted to leave Annette he would have bailed already. He's hurt, confused and angry.
We stuffed up, yeah it was kinda their fault but it is our burden. Yes we have those burdens because life is a prick and we wear those scars but we attract those that are either going to stick with us and ride our failures or bail when it gets too tuff.
I reckon you have a ride it out kinda guy, give him the freedom to do so and don't bail out too quickly

[RickD]

Annette,

I don't think your husband is able to face what he did. If I ever did what he did, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself.

Have you ever told him that you forgive him for what he did?

Even though he won't admit any wrongdoing to you, I think you need to explain to him what he did(you know specifically what I'm referring to), then tell him you forgive him. If you haven't already.

[melanie]

You know, I could give a narrative of what my hubby did wrong, and I would have several friends that witnessed it to back me up. I relied on these examples to justify what I did.
We are human.
It's what we do.
We are driven to make excuses.
But somewhere along the line I had to take responsibility for my choices they were mine and they had devasting consequences.
I'm a smart girl, I knew how to spin it to take the onus off me. And I did so. For a long time.
But I had to look at it from his shoes, from his perspective and when I did it made me realise how selfish I had been.
This kind of thing destroys men, good men.
They don't know how to deal with it, and they deal with it poorly.

Broken men are very hard to deal with, but thier brokenness reveals a sincerity that reflects who they really are.

[Storyteller]

I have rick, and will continue to do so.

mel, he is a good man, he is just hurting, big time right now, the stress and pressure.

Why did he and I get together?
I allowed him to be himself, we got on, we rolled around together, camping, fishing, drinking. Its real life we fing difficult together.

I have to believe God had a hand in all this, that I am fighting for the right reasons. Im not a quitter but neither am I a fool.

We have so much pain to get through, so much anger but all we can do is try.