Help me guys....

[Storyteller]

I feel so.... lost.

I have crashed, heavily, after soaring so high.

Had been reading a lot about the Holy Spirit, was praying a lot, felt close to God and totally enthralled and encaptured. Immersed myself inthe bible. Then.. as I often do, I ran. Away.
I drifted away, started to drinkagain, started to sin. Drunkeness, lust, greed... and I enjoyed it. God help me, I enjoyed it.
I know, still, that He is there, that the distance is all mine.
I know He is waiting, loving.

I am so lost, am fighting to come home.

Pray for me, I can't.

I am fighting with my soul here, and God help me, right now I feel like satan is winning.

[Philip]

Annette, when WE are weak, He is strong, AND He will not abandon those who are His children. Listen to His voice and obey it. I will be praying for you. The devil wants you to think you are not good enough to be a child of the Lord, that He views you with great contempt. Nothing could be further from the truth! The devil wants to seduce you into sin so that he can destroy you! RUN to the Lord, He is merciful to forgive, and He well knows the Adversary who oppresses you.

[B. W.]

Annette, when WE are weak, He is strong, AND He will not abandon those who are His children. Listen to His voice and obey it. I will be praying for you. The devil wants you to think you are not good enough to be a child of the Lord, that He views you with great contempt. Nothing could be further from the truth! The devil wants to seduce you into sin so that he can destroy you! RUN to the Lord, He is merciful to forgive, and He well knows the Adversary who oppresses you.

Well said Philip...

I will send a email to you on this on matters we discussed before.

You will be alright and see yourself as Jesus see's you - beautiful, strong, helpful
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[1over137]

Annette,
I can only agree with above.
Once (or more than once) when I felt like Devil is trying to get me, I laughed and thought he can't as I am God's and he does not lose his own sheep. Am safely in Him.
I will pray for you, for stength and peacefullness and safeness in Him.

[Byblos]

You are not alone Annette. I say that in more ways than one. We are here for you, together we pray for intercession on your behalf that the Good Lord may bestow on you His abudant graces for peace and clarity of mind. I also say you're not alone because many have struggled and continue to struggle with doubt. We don't often share our experiences, perhaps we ought to, it is difficult. I commend you for having the courage to do so. It's a big part of the healing process. Stay strong, you are not alone.

[melanie]

Annette
Much love and hugs xo
God is constant when we are not..
I am the first person to acknowledge a personal struggle of life with faith. I've had to deal with my own assertions of just not being good enough. An idea of what Mel, nailing Christian life might look like and when I compare that to reality...
Fail
I'm not you're stereo typical anything
We are flawed and that's okay.
Everyone is
Being openly and honestly a bit broken is just having the balls to admit that it's a struggle. It doesn't make you anything but brutally honest and real.
Real compassionate
Real heart felt
Real screwed up
and a real Christian.
Whilst we flail and fail, openly admitting and acknowledging our shortcomings is where the path to growth lies.
There is an absolute beauty in failure.
As it opens up the path to growth.
Humility and brokenness is a path that far outweighs arrogance and selfish assurity.
As its only then in transparency that we grow.
We aren't perfect, far from it
But we're okay xo

[RickD]

Mel wrote:
Being openly and honestly a bit broken is just having the balls to admit that it's a struggle. It doesn't make you anything but brutally honest and real.

Besides making one brutally honest and real, wouldn't "having the balls" make one a man?

[Philip]

Besides making one brutally honest and real, wouldn't "having the balls" make one a man?

Not according to "Bruce!"

[RickD]

Besides making one brutally honest and real, wouldn't "having the balls" make one a man?

Not according to "Bruce!"

Lee?

[Storyteller]

I feel battered, bruised and broken but not beaten

Have started praying again, had a significant prayer answered. I got angry at God, went down to the beach and raged at Him and at myself. Admitted I'm scared, feel unworthy despite knowing that isnt how He sees me. Begged Him to give me a sign that He does love me, that I'm not a fool, that in His eyes I am special. that one day, we will all be in His glory.
Then I got an email from someone in B.W's bible study group (any hints as to who?) and it was my answer. I actually knelt right then and said thank you.

My faith never wavered. I've realised, I felt so bad because my faith is so strong.
Or rather the HS fought for me.

I feel loved.

[Philip]

Then I got an email from someone in B.W's bible study group (any hints as to who?) and it was my answer. I actually knelt right then and said thank you.

My faith never wavered. I've realised, I felt so bad because my faith is so strong.
Or rather the HS fought for me.

I feel loved.

And since when have our own children not occasionally gotten furious with us? And do we love them any less because of their inappropriate behavior, misconceptions and doubt? Absolutely NOT! And neither does our Heavenly Father. Annette, what you are experiencing is a crash course on what REAL Christianity looks like, and the range of experiences that can go with our walk. So often, He's got let us rail at Him, thrash about, lose it, go completely nuts - and THEN, as we see the futility in such, and how unnecessary all of that is, we finally see that He is still there, unchanged and loving - though we don't deserve such love. But God does not think or act like any man or woman (THANKFULLY!).

[Storyteller]

There was so much anger, no.... rage...
that I had locked away in my heart.
At my parents, at my rapist, at the miscarraiges, all of it, and then finally at myself. Who else but God could I direct it at?
I know that without God, really I am kinda worthless (I dont mean that quite how it sounds butyou get my drift) but walking with God, that is my worthiness.

I think I need to learn that I am loved now, as I will be then, that I will always struggle because I am trapped by a mortal body.
I yearn to be perfect, united with God, it hurts to not reach something.

Just a thought..
I think I reach way, way too high sometimes, expect too much, want too much but it does drive me onwards, every time.


Guys? All of you... thank you xxxx

[RickD]

There was so much anger, no.... rage...
that I had locked away in my heart.
At my parents, at my rapist, at the miscarraiges, all of it, and then finally at myself. Who else but God could I direct it at?
I know that without God, really I am kinda worthless (I dont mean that quite how it sounds butyou get my drift) but walking with God, that is my worthiness.

I think I need to learn that I am loved now, as I will be then, that I will always struggle because I am trapped by a mortal body.
I yearn to be perfect, united with God, it hurts to not reach something.

Just a thought..
I think I reach way, way too high sometimes, expect too much, want too much but it does drive me onwards, every time.


Guys? All of you... thank you xxxx

Annette,

Maybe your directing all that anger towards God, is the beginning of just giving it to Him. Just give God your rage. He can handle it. Pray that He will take it from you.

It will eat you up if you don't give it to God.

Praying for you to just submit to God, and rest in Him.

[1over137]

We are not perfect, nor do live in perfect world.
In heaven we will be...