Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
· When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!
· So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."
· A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."
· I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
· When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster
PaulSacramento wrote:Taoism - [poop] happens.
Buddhism - If [poop] happens, it’s not really [poop].
Islam - If [poop] happens, it’s the will of Allah.
Protestantism - [poop] happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Judaism - Why does this [poop] always happen to us?
Hinduism - This [poop] happened before.
Catholicism - [poop] happens because you’re bad.
Hare Krishna - [poop] happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism - Send more [poop].
Atheism - No [poop].
Jehova’s Witness - Knock knock, [poop] happens.
Hedonism - There’s nothing like a good [poop] happening.
Christian Science - [poop] happens in your mind.
Agnosticism - Maybe [poop] happens, maybe it doesn’t.
Rastafarianism - Let’s smoke this [poop].
Existentialism - What is [poop] anyway?
Stoicism - This [poop] doesn’t bother me.
Proinsias wrote:How does Moses make tea?
Hebrews it!
R.I.P. FL, you will be sorely missed.Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:My wife asked me, ''Does this dress make me look fat?'' ''No,'' I answered, ''it's all your lunches at McDonald's that do that.''
FL
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Thats a looooooooong walk to Maccas from where you are...Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:My wife asked me, ''Does this dress make me look fat?'' ''No,'' I answered, ''it's all your lunches at McDonald's that do that.''
FL
He hasn't been on here since January...Byblos wrote:R.I.P. FL, you will be sorely missed.Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:My wife asked me, ''Does this dress make me look fat?'' ''No,'' I answered, ''it's all your lunches at McDonald's that do that.''
FL
