Jokes about Religion and Atheism

[RickD]

He's incognito.

[Nessa]

He's incognito.

He's sorta like God.... He's here but like agnostics, no one would know...

[RickD]

Nope. I know. All you others are just too preoccupied with yourselves to figure it out.

[Nessa]

...All you others are just too preoccupied with yourselves to figure it out.

I guess there must be other lefties out there too...

You're making me nervous, tricky ricky...

Just how much do you mods know about us common people?

[Philip]

Hey, I thought this thread was about jokes?

Like: Two Baptists walk into a bar... um, wait a minute, like THAT's gonna happen!

It is rumored that Mr. Welch conspired with key Baptists in a grape juice scheme that has been, by any measure, an amazing success!

[jenna]

ok, not really a joke. but good anyway.

God and a scientist were debating. the scientist claimed that God was not needed, since man could now create life without Him. ok, says God, prove it. the scientist then started by grabbing dirt and other things and putting them in a bowl. "wait," says God. "what are you doing? "I am creating life," says the scientist. "you have to make the dirt first," said God.

[bbyrd009]

ok, long joke, i'll give you the bones and you can flesh it out;

A Jew has lived a really exemplary life, sought God as best he knew how, and, in his old age, gets told in a vision that because of this, he will be allowed to bring one suitcase full of whatever he likes to the afterlife. Well, he marinates on this for several weeks, thinking "this" and then "that," and finally settles on gold. So he kicks it, and he's walking up to St Peter, who calls him by name, and says to him "hey! we almost never get anyone who is allowed to bring a suitcase; i'm curious--what did you bring?" So the guy opens up the suitcase and shows him.

"You brought pavement?" says St Peter...

[IceMobster]

Why can't you checkmate a Christian?

Because they are all pawns and their king doesn't exist.

[Kurieuo]

Why can't you checkmate a Christian?

Because they are all pawns and their king doesn't exist.

Why can you always checkmate Atheists?

Because they all consider themselves kings.

[Kurieuo]

He's incognito.

You think? He doesn't do it very well, but we'll play along.

[RickD]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds 
a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the 
circumcision.”