Prayers please

[melanie]

Thank you Hana

[1over137]

[melanie]

An update.....
A struggling 15 year old
And a mum who wants to help but knows that I can never fix the one broken thing he begs me too.
I can't make it better.
I looked into every drug, concoction, safe and illegal and I can't help.
As he gets older it gets worse. For him.
Every emotion I'm feeling which feels like it could tear out a limb is 100 fold for him. The crap he is coping from school is never ending, he has begged me to send him to another school, but I know it won't help. Better the devil you know.
He has been through the most horrendous year, genetic and hormone testing, cat scans for brain tumours, bone analysis and never ending blood tests.
And through it all, no good news just relying on his outstanding character.
He nearly had me fooled.
Pretty self serving conclusion.
He's not coping, rightfully so.
That tips my ability to cope from doing okay to mess in seconds flat.
All concerns that you just do so for your children flies in the face of my complete inability to function when my baby is crumbling. It's the rug pulled out from under you when it feels like trying to function without gravity,
To breath without oxygen.
Feeling helpless when my child is breaking.

[Philip]

Absolutely heartbreaking to hear, Melanie. I will pray hard for him, you, and all of your family - and especially for a sense of peace in the midst of crisis.

[Kurieuo]

Sometimes, the best thing, is to pull them out from school for a year. Especially if there's a whole lot of other issues to deal with. There is also home schooling, though that might be a bit of a change at 15 years. I know my sister took a year off, did some work, then went back to finish senior. It helps, but then not so, going from hating the kids to the being Miss popular.

Also, schools can change things. Just like going to a crap church, there are crap schools. Sometimes the people are wrong, sometimes the teachers. But, I know in my own life, complete change of environment and/or routine is the best thing as far as mental health. That's just the mental side of things though. If he has physical, then provided they wanted to, I'd most definitely consider letting them just deal stuff without school pressures for a period of time.

[melanie]

Absolutely heartbreaking to hear, Melanie. I will pray hard for him, you, and all of your family - and especially for a sense of peace in the midst of crisis.

Thanks Philip

[melanie]

Sometimes, the best thing, is to pull them out from school for a year. Especially if there's a whole lot of other issues to deal with. There is also home schooling, though that might be a bit of a change at 15 years. I know my sister took a year off, did some work, then went back to finish senior. It helps, but then not so, going from hating the kids to the being Miss popular.

Also, schools can change things. Just like going to a crap church, there are crap schools. Sometimes the people are wrong, sometimes the teachers. But, I know in my own life, complete change of environment and/or routine is the best thing as far as mental health. That's just the mental side of things though. If he has physical, then provided they wanted to, I'd most definitely consider letting them just deal stuff without school pressures for a period of time.

I have considered this K, but im concerned once out the school system he won't return. I'm not equipped to home school through his HSC.
It's a good school, strict being a catholic High School but he has friends there since primary. I'm worried that the name calling won't go away but at least it's within an environment safety net. I honetly believe at a public high school it could be potentially a lot worse.

[RickD]

Mel,

Please keep a close eye on him. He may be depressed. Sometimes kids see no way out of the depression, and they start thinking about suicide. It happened to my son, and we didn't see it coming.

[PaulSacramento]

Mel,
So the docs have no clue?
Hormonal? Thyroid? anything?

High school is a tough time under the best of circumstances but to go through this...
Rick is right about keeping an eye on him, depression is very serious.

[B. W.]

If you read this Mel,

When you son has a headache, or stomach issue/pain, angry...

Give him a glass of Orange Juice or a spoonful of regular table sugar... as an experiment. If the pain subsides or goes away, let us know.

Also one strange question if you can answer: Does his urine stain the toilet reddish color? Noticed this?
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[1over137]

Mel, just seeing this now.
My prayers and hugs for you.

[melanie]

They think it was an endocrine issue, what happened I guess is somewhat irrelevant to the fact it can't be fixed.
They don't think it's genetic, at this stage not a comfort to my son but it is a positive I guess in the future.
I haven't noticed any of the symptoms you mentioned B.W but I'll keep an eye on it.
My biggest concern is his state of mind.
Without question he is depressed.
He recently had a girlfriend who quite ruthlessly broke up with him, I could say an awful lot about the way in which she dealt with it but she is young. The effect on him has been intense.
It brought up all the underlying issues, most poignantly a dislike for his appearance.
He expressed how much he wanted to escape and that he couldn't 'do this' anymore. That he didn't want to wake up or experience life in his skin.
He is strong but of course I'm worried, that actually doesn't even come close. I'm so scared and monitoring him 24/7. I have spoken to my hubby who thinks sticking his head in the sand is the answer and didn't want to talk about it so I am left to deal with it.
I am considering talking to his school, but to be honest I'm not sure how to navigate that whilst maintaining his privacy. Which he values.
I just tell him 20 times a day I love him, annoying I know.
Opening up every avenue of discussion and if need be I will refer him to a psychologist, which I've been looking into too.
Dealing with the symptoms when I wish I could fix the problem.

[Kurieuo]

Not that it'll help but I overdosed on any medicine I found in the cabinets, mainly stemitals and panadol at next to his age. Thankfully I ended up with a short-term girlfriend soon after who was quite caring and got me through the worst. I wasn't going to school either ie often just saying I'm not going, why? Because I don't want to, I just wanted to sleep in and not worry. If there was any assurance to be had, for him, it's that in a couple of years school will be irrelevant. If going to uni after, noone gives a damn about your school life etc. After school it's a whole new life, you make it what you want it to be. Something my brother at the time said to me.

[Nessa]

.

[Philip]

Problem is, a young man only knows the world he knows - the future, that's something that's a million years away. EVERYTHING seems to be a big deal when you have no other context from which to judge things that happen to you. Every girlfriend - she HAS to be "THE one." Breakups really freak kids out. And it's astounding how cruel other kids can sometimes be. In a way, the challenges of schools, and especially high school - often present the first real tests of a person's life. All a kid sees is the facade of people - thinking everyone dresses better, is cooler, better at sports, more popular, all that. And it's hard to convince them otherwise. I can remember in middle school -thinking that things would never get any better. I was mostly unhappy from about 6th-12th grades. Bullies were everywhere. It can really be heartbreaking to be a kid, sometimes.