My journey

[Philip]

Annette, we haven't heard from you in a long while. How are things? First off, how is your health? And how are your other challenges going? Pray you're doing much better.

[Storyteller]

So much has happened, some good, some great, some not so good but I am doing okay

I'll be back really soon, just pondering a few things.

[RickD]

I was wondering where you were.

I though you'd gone off and joined a convent.

[Philip]

An ANNETTE sighting - wow, nowadays about as rare as a bigfoot sighting.

We really missed you!

[1over137]

hello annete
hug to you

[B. W.]

So much has happened, some good, some great, some not so good but I am doing okay

I'll be back really soon, just pondering a few things.

Tell us all the news!

Great to see you back!
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[Storyteller]

Hey guys

So.... my health is improving and I am now completely weed free and only have the very occassional glass of wine. I'm.eating better, sleeping better and looking after myself.
Hubbs and I have done a lot of talking and things are so, so much better. We are beginning to recapture what we had. I think my scare put a lot of things in perspective for us, how precious life is and how blessed we really are. He has agreed to leave all the negative stuff in the past, he says perhaps enough time has passed to if not completely forgive, to at least look ahead.
For a little while,bizarrely just after I got the all clear, I really wanted to just run away from God, I think maybe I was angry and scared, shocked.
I spent a lot of time walking along the beach considering if I was really a believer, thought hard about how this all happened to be, what would it mean if I was wrong, I always came back to utter conviction that He created me, that there is no way this is all an accident, everything is just too finely tuned.
My daughter is really good friends with a girl whose dad is a vicar, he runs a youth group that she goes to with her friend and she absolutely loves it. She is now exploring what she believes, starting to take an interest and says she definitely believes in 'something'. Its a joy to see. She knows how strong my faith is, knows her dads is maybe not quite as strong but she's spending a lot of time with her friend and asking a LOT of questions.

I will be around a bit more now and I really missed you guys, I have a lot to catch up on.

[RickD]

Wow Annette, that's really great news!

Seems like a complete 180, from where you were just a few months ago.

I hope things continue to move forward for you and your family.

I'm glad you've come back here, too.

It's always nice for us men to have female perspectives on things. How else would we men be able to know how correct we are, if we didn't have incorrect female perspectives, to compare with?

[Philip]

Fantastic news to hear, Annette. Often, God grows us through difficult times - as it's when we're most open to growth, when He's truly got our attention, and when we are closest to Him. When everything is going great, we don't seem to listen nearly as well. Christians are all in process of God refining (sanctifying) us. And what I've discovered, which is totally amazing, is how God can use the difficult things from our past in effective and important ways for our future. There IS purpose in our sufferings and challenges.

[Storyteller]

Each time I start to stray away... every time I doubt..

Sometimes I don't feel good enough, yet He keeps giving me chances. Chances to learn whatever lesson it is.

My life is changing, again, I go back to work in November. My leg is healing, physio is tough but everything I am going through feels.. like a beginning.

I still have my insecurities, I still sin (and will no doubt) and I fall way short but, this is the thing, I'm learning to surrender..
I have a secret, I am involved in the bdsm world...
I've prayed about it and know what? There are a LOT of good things about the bdsm community. In it, I have found true friends, acceptance, honesty, respect and trust. How does that marry with my faith?
I am submissive. I give myself totally, willingly and completely. It's about offering myself honestly.
I am not promiscuous. It's a relationship built on respect, honesty and giving to the other person.
Through bdsm I am discovering who I am, why I'm who I am and what I can change.
I feel changes, good changes...

(Sorry, typing out loud)

[Fliegender]

I had too look up “bdsm” because I had no clue what it could be. It’s really too much information, Ms Vauxhall. What goes on in your bedroom is none of my business. Anyway, I don’t see bdsm as sinful. In case you do, recite the rosary and an additional 3 Hail Marys for your penance and you’ll be forgiven.

[Nessa]

I would have to disagree and think that looking into why the need to be submissive in an unhealthy way appeals to you would be helpful.

It is being wholly submissive to another person regardless of what is right or wrong. Dangerous. Putting another above Christ.

But even that is putting the cart before the horse if talking about fornication or adultery which is not submissive to Christ at all.

[Philip]

Nessa is absolutely right, Annette! Her comments were more to the point. But let me flesh it out for you. This is tough to write and I'm sure to hear.

Annette, it’s good that you are sharing something likely very difficult for you to admit – knowing that you are doing so before other Christians who know your “Story” and who deeply care about you. So, please listen carefully. In your very first post in this thread, you wrote: “I used to think I couldn't hear God, that`s not true, I just wasn't listening.” You also wrote, in that first post: “God brought me here to find answers, to question my faith, to learn...” Yes, I’m absolutely sure He guided you here. Remember, God’s Spirit resides in each Christian, and through Him we learn His truths – and not just from our own understandings. So, here’s what grieves my spirit per what I know about how God tells us to live. Please prayerfully receive this.

There is a reason why you are sharing / CONFESSING your secret. It’s because you want to find validation from other Christians for an ongoing activity that you know in your heart is very wrong and sinful! As well, you are trying to reconcile this activity with your faith – but they are at stark odds with each other. As Nessa noted, you are obviously involved in an activity that involves sexual interaction with someone whom is not your husband. And God says that very wrong with serious consequences. Please don’t try to self justify actions that you should know that Scripture widely condemns and warns against.

You have been through a terrible marriage filled with great hurt, anxiety and agony. You clearly have been seeking a loving relationship from someone. But through Christ, you have been bought at a terrible great cost. You have been made free in Jesus – but for WHAT, exactly? To seek self worth and by submitting yourself to a sinful type of sexual activities and BONDAGE???!!! Whatever, the first word in the acronym bdsm should be a huge redflag. You say: “I have found true friends, acceptance, honesty, respect and trust.” Based upon WHAT, exactly? Contingent upon your submission and total and sinful obedience to the sinful desires of another person. What you are receiving is a sick counterfeit to REAL love, honesty, and acceptance. Haven’t you wondered why you’ve kept this a secret???!!! As REAL love is NOT contingent! You don’t need to meet someone else’s ulterior use and desires to be loved – that is a lie from the pit of Hell! You are being USED, whether or not you recognize it. And sucked into a deepening vortex of sinful behavior.

You state: “I am submissive. I give myself totally, willingly and completely. It's about offering myself honestly.” Again, giving yourself to WHAT??? Is it honest to have as a medium of exchange an activity God strongly condemns? You have to be honest with yourself, either Scripture is correct about what it says of sexual play outside of marriage, or your FEELINGS about what you are involved in, given your insecurities and great desire for being loved (which are understandable), have greatly deceived you. Scripture informs us we are NOT to measure the truth of something via our experiences or feelings - as they can be terribly wrong and deceptive. And one simply cannot receive authentic love from those only offering a sick counterfeit that is opposed to God's instructions!

Again, let me remind you – you are hearing this from someone who doesn’t seek to condemn you, but from one who loves you AND yet is simultaneously mortified to hear what you’ve been involved in. I have great fear for your situation. From this moment on, I hope you will pay attention to God’s Spirit within, as you absolutely KNOW this is wrong. And He can free you to find REAL love and acceptance, but you will NEVER find anything but a spiral into disaster if you keep this up. It’s YOUR choice. But to change things, you first need to quit self-justification and lying to yourself. Please submit to the Lord’s instructions on this, and repent from it. He can heal you and replace this with HIS ways to TRUE love and acceptance. Pray for deliverance from this activity and all whom you associate with that are involved in it. Walk away NOW!!! I am praying for you and I’m glad you shared this - because you are currently in great danger!

Philip

[Nessa]

You need to ask yourself if you truly want honesty and truth.

I think one of the biggest lies and self deception is that it's ok because you aren't promiscuous.

That's like saying I only steal off one person not many so it's ok.

[Nessa]

And as far as the love and acceptance goes...alot of communities offer that including the gay community. But it doesn't make it right. And the irony of loving and accepting someone in a way that condones sin is that it's not actually loving at all.