Being an introvert

[Nicki]

It seems to me (as an introvert) that it would be much better to be extraverted. I know that they don't completely equate to being outgoing or reserved, but we introverts do tend to have more of a problem in terms of shyness and lack of confidence. The extraverts can just go and say anything to anyone, it seems, whereas introverts are often paralysed by nervousness. Now, part of introversion is actually preferring to be alone, but sometimes you just have to talk to people and sometimes you'd like to somehow have a deep relationship with someone without all the tiresome small talk - actually, I often find it boring more than anything else.

Any other introverts feel hard done by, or are there compensations I haven't thought of? Is it just as bad being an extravert in some other way?

[abelcainsbrother]

It seems to me (as an introvert) that it would be much better to be extraverted. I know that they don't completely equate to being outgoing or reserved, but we introverts do tend to have more of a problem in terms of shyness and lack of confidence. The extraverts can just go and say anything to anyone, it seems, whereas introverts are often paralysed by nervousness. Now, part of introversion is actually preferring to be alone, but sometimes you just have to talk to people and sometimes you'd like to somehow have a deep relationship with someone without all the tiresome small talk - actually, I often find it boring more than anything else.

Any other introverts feel hard done by, or are there compensations I haven't thought of? Is it just as bad being an extravert in some other way?

I think both have their good and bad points being introverted or extraverted.It depends on the situation also and what kind of person you want to get to know.Just because a person might be extraverted does not necessarily mean they would be compatible with you and visa versa too.But to have a relationship with somebody you must be willing to take a chance and communicate.Then you have to ask yourself, is it just somebody that you'd like to be friends with or is it a romantic attraction? If it is just for a friend it is probably easier to communicate but if it is romantic attraction it can be more difficult,but often it will be a mutual attraction if it is meant to be and you can just tell.Then if they are same sex or not.No matter which you must atleast be willing to communicate.It also depends on how important it is to you,sometimes it can be worth it to take the chance but sometimes it may not be.It also depends on how well you know somebody also and what kind of a reputation they have,in some cases they could be bad news for you especially if you don't know much about them.But no matter what you must be willing to communicate if it is important to you.It is not fool proof but you must be willing to communicate if you truly need the relationship or situation knowing it could be good or bad until you know more.

[Nicki]

It seems to me (as an introvert) that it would be much better to be extraverted. I know that they don't completely equate to being outgoing or reserved, but we introverts do tend to have more of a problem in terms of shyness and lack of confidence. The extraverts can just go and say anything to anyone, it seems, whereas introverts are often paralysed by nervousness. Now, part of introversion is actually preferring to be alone, but sometimes you just have to talk to people and sometimes you'd like to somehow have a deep relationship with someone without all the tiresome small talk - actually, I often find it boring more than anything else.

Any other introverts feel hard done by, or are there compensations I haven't thought of? Is it just as bad being an extravert in some other way?

I think both have their good and bad points being introverted or extraverted.It depends on the situation also and what kind of person you want to get to know.Just because a person might be extraverted does not necessarily mean they would be compatible with you and visa versa too.But to have a relationship with somebody you must be willing to take a chance and communicate.Then you have to ask yourself, is it just somebody that you'd like to be friends with or is it a romantic attraction? If it is just for a friend it is probably easier to communicate but if it is romantic attraction it can be more difficult,but often it will be a mutual attraction if it is meant to be and you can just tell.Then if they are same sex or not.No matter which you must atleast be willing to communicate.It also depends on how important it is to you,sometimes it can be worth it to take the chance but sometimes it may not be.It also depends on how well you know somebody also and what kind of a reputation they have,in some cases they could be bad news for you especially if you don't know much about them.But no matter what you must be willing to communicate if it is important to you.It is not fool proof but you must be willing to communicate if you truly need the relationship or situation knowing it could be good or bad until you know more.

Thanks - sounds about right. I was thinking not just of relationships but life in general when it involves interactions with others. When I was younger if I saw someone I knew, from church or something, while shopping for example, I'd usually try to avoid them because I just didn't want to talk to them - I felt so awkward. I still sometimes get an urge to avoid someone I know - it depends who it is of course. I just feel I'd have so much more confidence if I was an extravert. So what's the downside of being an extravert - does anyone who's more that way know?

[RickD]

It seems to me (as an introvert) that it would be much better to be extraverted. I know that they don't completely equate to being outgoing or reserved, but we introverts do tend to have more of a problem in terms of shyness and lack of confidence. The extraverts can just go and say anything to anyone, it seems, whereas introverts are often paralysed by nervousness. Now, part of introversion is actually preferring to be alone, but sometimes you just have to talk to people and sometimes you'd like to somehow have a deep relationship with someone without all the tiresome small talk - actually, I often find it boring more than anything else.

Any other introverts feel hard done by, or are there compensations I haven't thought of? Is it just as bad being an extravert in some other way?

Nicki,

What you're describing, doesn't seem like an introvert vs extrovert thing. It seems like you may have social anxiety. I'm an introvert, and I have no problem initiating conversations with people.

I think introverts tend to regain energy, and de-stress, by doing something alone. While extroverts tend to "feed" off of being around other people, when they need to re energize.

[PaulSacramento]

As an introvert I see people as, well, beneath me.
I am more interested in what I am doing then someone else, what I am thinking than someone else.
In short, I prefer to spend time with me than with someone else.

[RickD]

As an introvert I see people as, well, beneath me.
I am more interested in what I am doing then someone else, what I am thinking than someone else.
In short, I prefer to spend time with me than with someone else.

Paul,

What you said, reminds me of this:


We may have to start calling you Loki.

[PaulSacramento]

That looks like it may have hurt.

[Philip]

I just feel I'd have so much more confidence if I was an extravert.

Ah, what's an "extravert?"

My default nature is being introverted - but I am often quite extroverted in my interactions with others. But I need lots of time alone - and my wife is a bit like that. As I care much more about the "big picture" stuff, I ignore and overcome when I'm not entirely comfortable in the spotlight. You can't be ruled by your feelings and insecurities. Because if you begin to step out to override your insecurities and safe space, you'll find that many of them go away and you'll become comfortable and confident in areas you weren't previously. There are a lot of people who can turn on their extroversion side when they need to - lots of actors and public speakers, leaders, are actually introverts.

[RickD]

Ah, what's an "extravert?"

It's a Canadian extrovert, eh?

[Philip]

Ah, what's an "extravert?"

It's a Canadian extrovert, eh?

You mean, an EHtrovert!

[RickD]

Ah, what's an "extravert?"

It's a Canadian extrovert, eh?

You mean, an EHtrovert!

Leave the jokes to me, please.

[Nicki]

It seems to me (as an introvert) that it would be much better to be extraverted. I know that they don't completely equate to being outgoing or reserved, but we introverts do tend to have more of a problem in terms of shyness and lack of confidence. The extraverts can just go and say anything to anyone, it seems, whereas introverts are often paralysed by nervousness. Now, part of introversion is actually preferring to be alone, but sometimes you just have to talk to people and sometimes you'd like to somehow have a deep relationship with someone without all the tiresome small talk - actually, I often find it boring more than anything else.

Any other introverts feel hard done by, or are there compensations I haven't thought of? Is it just as bad being an extravert in some other way?

Nicki,

What you're describing, doesn't seem like an introvert vs extrovert thing. It seems like you may have social anxiety. I'm an introvert, and I have no problem initiating conversations with people.

I think introverts tend to regain energy, and de-stress, by doing something alone. While extroverts tend to "feed" off of being around other people, when they need to re energize.

Thanks - I think you're right in a way. I suppose I've always linked my liking to be alone with being quiet and not outgoing - they often go together but it's quite possible to be introverted and confident.