Prayers please

[melanie]

Sorry double post

[melanie]

Nessa,
I think every guy on here can understand that at 15 the prospect of being barely 5"2 inches would have huge ramifications. This was caused by a medical issue, it is not merely a vanity thing or a case of feeling sorry for himself.
Nor should bullying or depression by be brushed aside with a cheer up, it's not so bad attitude. Depression destroys lives, everyday.
Quite frankly with the magnitude of watching a son slip into severe depression, I really don't appreciate your flippant response.
He is not sitting at home feeling sorry for himself, he played his guts out on the footy field being by far the smallest bloke on the field and received best and fairest at the end of last year. He umpired AFL the last 3 years despite being uncomfortable that he was umpiring the younger age groups and shorter than them, with the occasional rude taunts. He never packed it in and kept at it.
He went out on his own and got a job at McDonald's as he is saving for a car.
This is a young man who is doing quite the opposite to focusing on his problems, to say I'm proud is an understatement. He has exceptional character that will hopefully pull him through, in the meantime he is bloody hurting and just staying above a water.
I'm a mum who adores her son and is frightened he may sink, but I'm in there paddling with him and I won't let him.

[1over137]

Mel,
does he have some good friends?
Am thinking about the idea, bringing him to some hobby group (or how it is called), where he will have chance find some new but good friend.
I have no kids, have no idea what it can be like.
Thinking of you.

[RickD]

Nessa,

I'm not sure why you deleted your post. I think you gave some good advice. When we're going through difficult times, sometimes the advice we don't want to hear, is the best advice.

I commend you for giving Mel advice that you think will help, and not just telling her what she wants to hear.

If we feel like we need to say something, we should just say it. We're among friends here.

[1over137]

Yes, we are friends here.
Many people, many opinions.
But well, if felt that the post was better not to be posted, yeah, we have right to delete it too.

[Philip]

He also needs to be in a group with Christian peers with spiritual and real-world leadership experience with issues facing youth. That can make a huge difference, in knowing what others are going through, sharing, learning to depend upon God, and having these things re-enforced by those other than one's parents. It's been a huge thing for my two sons. But depression is another matter - if that is the case - certainly medically. So, while no magic bullet, a really good Christian youth group can produce remarkable benefits and encourage spiritual understandings and growth. Somehow, when kids see stuff modeled by their peers, are hearing good messages from those other than just their parents, they begin to see that things their parents are saying have merit, because of re-enforcement by other Christians, both youth and adult leadership. Just my experience.

[melanie]

An update....
Which I will start by saying an observant response after being away for some time Rick. You were entirely right.
Fundamelanist make great winos
Seriously though it's been bloody tough.
My young guy has been diagnosed with depression and acute social anxiety. It's been a month since he's been to school but he's had 2 half days. He is seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and we are doing everything we can to not go down the path of medication.
I watched him slip away away over the last 18 months, I could see him changing and digressing but I hoped for the best. I've now realised things have been more difficult for him at school than previously thought.
A mistake made by myself and also the school was the presumption that he is popular. Which he is. And therefore, popular kids don't get bullied?!?
Well they do,
Brutally so.
About a month ago we pulled up outside the school and he just couldn't get out of the car.
He just panicked.
I had never seen him do that before he just couldn't get out of the car. So I let it go and he came home. The next day the same thing.
The third day I tried to coax him out then I got a bit grumpy and he just lost it. Started bawling his eyes out. I hadn't seen him cry like that in years.
He couldn't go to work, the gym or footy training. He was sleeping all day and just wasn't acting at all like the kind of guy I knew him to be.
It's been 5 weeks and i think he seems a bit better. I've utilised every service available plus he's seeing private specialists. The diagnosis is clinical depression with acute anxiety. I knew he was progressively struggling I guess I never thought it was this bad.
But we are doing everything we can.

[1over137]

Mel,
I will pray that he gets better and better.
Love,
Hana

[Philip]

Same here, Mel! Seems as if there is so much for this young man to deal with - unbearably so. Heartbreaking - but at least you know more of what you're dealing with. And sometimes, these things slowly begin to moderate as a young person matures, begins to see life from a bit different perspective. I absolutely hated high school - mine was very dangerous, bullies everywhere, racist and dangerous people. I couldn't wait to get out! But I can remember a point when I was depressed and thought to myself nothing will ever change. And then it did!

[melanie]

Thanks Hana and Phil
You're right Phil, I think knowing what we are dealing with has been a big step forward. Its been pretty tough for him especially but we are staying positive, moving forward and just loving him through every hurdle.
Parenting is never easy neither is being a teen!!
I'm a huge believer that with love and support the most darkest of days can turn around

[Philip]

Mel, really, what is tougher, going through your teens and younger years yourself, or watching your children struggle through them? Touch choice, eh? But then you find, there are always tough spots in life, no matter how old you get. Makes me enjoy those tranquil days of blue skies and sunny days a lot more! It's why my mantra around our house is: "Don't sweat the small stuff!" (because there's plenty or difficult stuff to cause anxiety) Oh, and the other one is: "Pray more, worry less, have faith that God loves and watches over you."

[melanie]

Great mantra's Philip!
Very similar to mine......don't sweat the small s**t
And relax.. God's got this

I think because of my family history of severe mental illness it brings about a deep worry in regards to psychological hardship and issues. I guess it's always been my greatest fear, when I've seen some of my most loved disappear into the maze of mental illness, some to return and others got a round ticket with no departure. So since having children almost 16 years ago it's been my greatest fear. I guess it felt like a genetic game of Russian roulette. I must say though that I put those worries to bed many years ago and had faith.
But with what my guy has had to endure, and to watch him slip into depression it's been difficult to keep that fear at bay.
It's irrational in the regard that he has a strong foundation. He is loved beyond measure, has been spoilt and engaged and excelled at every sport he ever wanted to try his hand at, I have told him literally every day how cherished and loved he is, he has had a stable and loving home but mental illness is irrational.
A moment in weakness of the mind and it will destroy without care. It's like a cancer of the psyche.
Resilience is key and faith. He has both

[RickD]

Mel,

When my son was depressed, I learned that anxiety and depression don't always have a logical explanation. That was difficult for me to grasp. I'm a very logical-minded person. You know, cause and effect type of stuff.

Another thing I learned, is that kids, even teenagers, haven't fully developed logic, as a means to understand things happening to them. It's still emotionally driven. Like their brains just aren't fully developed in that regard. That's why it's so important to keep a close eye on them when they're depressed. They may not be able to think that there's a way out of these feelings. As rational adults, we can see that depression doesn't always last. But, teenagers minds just don't work that way, in many cases.

Just watch him.

[melanie]

Thanks Rick
Great advice, I am keeping an eye on him but trying to not be too smothering!
I was in one of his session and was gob smacked by what he was saying, it logically made no sense to me and it hurt. I have no idea how he came to those conclusions or felt so alone.
It rationally made zero sense to me but I had to get over it and understand that he is feeling that way and his brain as you said isn't emotionally fully developed yet.
He is seeing the best of the best in terms of specialists and it's making a difference, he's back at school which is a big step forward!
How is your son doing now?

[RickD]

Melanie wrote:
How is your son doing now?

Much better. He not only was depressed, but also has severe anxiety, especially when speaking to people. He got a job where he has to deal with the public. It's the most important part of his job. So, it's forcing him to deal with the anxiety, which is actually getting better. And he's good at his job, so that helps with his confidence. He's 18 now, so some of it may be due to maturing too.

If I had a dollar for every person that's told me that he's come out of his shell, I'd be rich.

It does get better. But when all they understand is how they are feeling right now, then it's very tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel.