All prayers needed

[Philip]

Dear Hana, only prayers for your mind and heart to heal - only God can do that. It's all still so very fresh and raw. Just trust in God, and keep in mind, that events here are NOT ultimately about the here and now, but are far more about the next life and the world to come. We do not know what may have transpired between the Lord and Tomas, but you know that God did all necessary from His end. AND is quite possible that Tomas might well have responded to Him, in his own way. It may be that Tomas suffering set the stage for you and his witness, with an eternal impact upon others you can't begin to know or see. But you are still here and God has purpose for the life you have left. And He is tough enough for your anger, His love can absorb your hurt - even though none of what you and Tomas endured seems to make any sense to us. God is your Lord - TRUST Him! That's the only route to healing and peace. I just prayed for your peace of mind, your broken heart, for you to be able to move beyond the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" to realizing this was an unavoidable occurrence. God certainly does not want to break you. It's only with hindsight that we realize certain things might have been done differently. But God often doesn't allow us such knowledge until it's beyond our ability to apply it to outcomes already arrived at. He knows why and we can't. So, just Trust Him!

[1over137]

Philip,
yes it is fresh.
And even if my mind may understand why all this happened, my heart is hurting.
Even Jesus cried.

And the grief is sometimes so big that I have to say the s**t word in my mind sometimes.
The pain is just too big. (Plus the horror scenes - trauma)

[Philip]

[1over137]

That is the best I could get...

[B. W.]

Philip,
yes it is fresh.
And even if my mind may understand why all this happened, my heart is hurting.
Even Jesus cried.

And the grief is sometimes so big that I have to say the s**t word in my mind sometimes.
The pain is just too big. (Plus the horror scenes - trauma)

Yes he, Jesus did and still does...

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding..." Pro 3:5 NKJV

For those of us who have watched loved ones suffer, like my family did and myself self my dad's slow demise into full blown Alzheimer's all the way to what you went thru demonstrates acts of love on your part beyond any bible lesson can teach.

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." John 15:13 NKJV

Taking care of a severely affected DD child - no greater love revealed...

You did your part in love so trust God, he did his too and honors your self sacrificing love. You will see him again.

Naysayers will come and go, but your love outshines them all and God covers what? Don't let doubts dwell in your heart...

What Phil wrote and the picture he sent is amen...



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[1over137]

For all to understand:
I mostly suffer from repeating flashbacks - do not want me to describe the awful horror scene. (and as friend pointed out to me it is one symptom of PTSD.)
This makes me unable to rest as much as I would need to.

So this is on top of my grief, and I have to cope with it.

[Philip]

Hana: I mostly suffer from repeating flashbacks - do not want me to describe the awful horror scene. (and as friend pointed out to me it is one symptom of PTSD.)
This makes me unable to rest as much as I would need to.

So this is on top of my grief, and I have to cope with it.

So, EVERYONE reading Hana's words above, all who love her - please begin lifting her anguish and the torment of relentless mental images up, for the Lord to alleviate and heal her of this!

[1over137]

Thank you, Philip.
2 days ago I also stopped wearing completely black clothes. Now only T-shirt is black.
It was putting me down. I hated it.

[B. W.]

Understand... Phil's prayer to you form me...

[1over137]

Thank you B.W.
Now also I started to wear non black T-shirts.
Feeling somewhat better after having stoppyed clothing in black.

[melanie]

Hana you stood by Tomi, and you stood so strong
But now you are needing to grieve,
You need to not be strong.
It's okay, you are broken and strength will come but right now you're just dealing with the sorrow and loss.
Small steps forward, some days will be back but with every new day you've met a new dawn.
When a piece of your heart and reason for being is taken it seems impossible to find a new purpose but through love and with faith you will prevail.
Broken and hurt is the language of our healer, He knows because He lived it and rose beyond it.
We can't possibly do it on our own and we don't need too,
Hana it's okay if you need to fall apart and if anyone had to experience what you've been through they would struggle too but from the broken we rebuild. Once shattered we build with a stronger foundation.
I'm so sorry that you're hurting but you're not alone and together we will rebuild, together as the body of Christ we will support you, forever and always
Love you xoxo

[1over137]

I have Christ, I have purpose. Time will tell what that will be.

Well, it's like half of the heart is being cut if you lose a loved spouse.

Am thankful for all the friends I have.

[1over137]

It is such a terrible pain...

Started my day with very deep cry.
Am going to the traditional fair in my hometown.
We always went there together and enjoyed it much.
Today the gingerbread heart I will buy for my love, I can only put on his tomb...

Oh, my heart in pain...

[Philip]

Oh Hana, few strong men could read that post and not feel it deeply! My first prayer today was for you.

[1over137]

Thank you Philip