I watched this documentary the other night called 'My Husband is Gay'. I think I've seen it before but it really struck me this time. There were two stories told - the more conventional one was of a middle-aged couple of whom the husband had known when he was younger that he had a gay tendency, but due to the attitudes of people in general in his community he didn't want to be gay, so he got married. In recent years, having seen a psychologist or similar, he'd realised he had to face up to his sexuality, but his wife had accepted that he now had gay friends and might engage in gay 'activities', and they were still happily married - they still loved each other.
The other couple was young - the husband had lived a gay lifestyle for years before meeting his wife and said he wasn't attracted to women at all. They had been friends and then more than friends (which was a little difficult for him, at least at first) and then married and had three children (by conventional means) within a short space of time. This man said that although he wasn't attracted to his wife, he thought she was beautiful and a perfect partner, and he was very happy to be a father. This all sounds a bit trivial now but I feel that I knew little enough before about being in love and now I know even less. I don't know why, if he was totally gay, he'd want to be more than friends with a lady. I do think gay behaviour is wrong, but I also think people can have a built-in attraction to the same sex. As the guy said, he couldn't choose his sexuality but he could choose his lifestyle. Should I just put it down to 'people are complicated'?
The Bible clearly states in multiple places that God considers homosexual activities sinful, in fact, an abomination. People are BORN with an inherited sin nature in which means we will - yes, naturally - be tempted by and thus desire all manner of sinful things and activities. Adulterous, promiscuous heterosexual sins are no different. But despite our temptations, to sin, we must give in to them. And particularly, once we convince ourselves that there is absolutely nothing wrong with some desire or activity God calls sin, we'll constantly lie to ourselves that it's a perfectly normal, harmless thing to pursue. But WE DON'T HAVE TO! We CAN resist sin. And it's a choice to pursue it. Of course, to sinful creatures things God deems sinful do seem quite natural to us.
But if we recognize and respect God as our authority, we will acknowledge that various things we want are wrong AND we will desire to resist them and feel guilty when we have done them. And we will learn to depend upon God to enable us to resist our temptations. It's not our TEMPTATION of things God says are sinful, that are wrong - as tempting things are everywhere. It's the giving in and pursuing what began with temptation that is the sin. Without depending upon God, we will have very little success at avoiding sins to which we are individually most tempted and prone to.
Nessa wrote:I cant help but think of this movie...
I don't think I've seen that one - a similar story but I don't know if it turned out like in the documentary! There didn't seem to have been (in the doco) that agonising about not being able to be more than friends.
Well, I dont know... is being in love just a feeling? Something more?
Hmm, what's your experience? Nosy but I was hoping for some other viewpoints. I don't have much idea!
Philip wrote:The Bible clearly states in multiple places that God considers homosexual activities sinful, in fact, an abomination. People are BORN with an inherited sin nature in which means we will - yes, naturally - be tempted by and thus desire all manner of sinful things and activities. Adulterous, promiscuous heterosexual sins are no different. But despite our temptations, to sin, we must give in to them. And particularly, once we convince ourselves that there is absolutely nothing wrong with some desire or activity God calls sin, we'll constantly lie to ourselves that it's a perfectly normal, harmless thing to pursue. But WE DON'T HAVE TO! We CAN resist sin. And it's a choice to pursue it. Of course, to sinful creatures things God deems sinful do seem quite natural to us.
But if we recognize and respect God as our authority, we will acknowledge that various things we want are wrong AND we will desire to resist them and feel guilty when we have done them. And we will learn to depend upon God to enable us to resist our temptations. It's not our TEMPTATION of things God says are sinful, that are wrong - as tempting things are everywhere. It's the giving in and pursuing what began with temptation that is the sin. Without depending upon God, we will have very little success at avoiding sins to which we are individually most tempted and prone to.
I agree. I'm just wondering what's up with that relationship when it seems to contradict what's usually seen as necessary for being in love - not just liking someone a lot but being attracted to them.
Nessa wrote:I cant help but think of this movie...
I don't think I've seen that one - a similar story but I don't know if it turned out like in the documentary! There didn't seem to have been (in the doco) that agonising about not being able to be more than friends.
Well, I dont know... is being in love just a feeling? Something more?
Hmm, what's your experience? Nosy but I was hoping for some other viewpoints. I don't have much idea!
If I remember correctly, you and I both didnt marry because we were 'in love'.
I have no regrets and see in love as a feeling. I have felt those feelings before and to me it does feel like you are drugged. Feelings come and go and to me, love is so much more than being in love.
I am a believer of arranged marriages done in a traditional way not the new 'married at first sight' way. NZ just had its first season of that reality tv show and had gay strangers get married. It didnt work. It was interesting that one of the gay guys put SO much emphasis on not being physically attracted to the other guy whereas the hetero couples got over any thing like that faster. They didnt just get stuck on the physical attraction, always bringing it up. But were able to move past it and see if anything else was there.
Yes, to love someone is a choice. And if you love a person, you will also have strong feelings for them - if you don't, I'd say something is wrong. And we were made to be attracted by the opposite sex. I can't imagine marrying someone I wasn't attracted to. And while the physical aspects of attraction aren't everything (and that is very subjective), they are still VERY important. So, arranged marriages - I can see some merits. But whatever turns on one's arrangers of marriage, might well not turn YOU on. Course, you could veto the person chosen for you.
I remember one girl I was just loopy, goo-ga-ga over, and felt this really powerful emotion about her. But she would have been terrible for me. I never had that feeling with my wife - just had a really comfortable, enjoyable, relaxed relationship. Before her, all my dating relationships seemed so problematic and complicated. In fact, things were so smooth between us that it kind of freaked me out - because I must have bought into thinking one should have deep emotions of "love," if someone was "The One."
Physical attraction has its place. But what happens if the person you are dating gets disfigured in an accident... beauty is so much more than skin deep.
Nessa wrote:If you look at the divorce statistics, it would seem we arent so great at choosing partners for ourselves...
I don't think choosing is the problem. "Keeping" seems to be more of an issue.
Physical attraction has its place. But what happens if the person you are dating gets disfigured in an accident... beauty is so much more than skin deep.
As long as she's still able to make me a sammich...
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
Nessa wrote:If you look at the divorce statistics, it would seem we arent so great at choosing partners for ourselves...
I don't think choosing is the problem. "Keeping" seems to be more of an issue.
Physical attraction has its place. But what happens if the person you are dating gets disfigured in an accident... beauty is so much more than skin deep.
As long as she's still able to make me a sammich...
Nessa wrote:If you look at the divorce statistics, it would seem we arent so great at choosing partners for ourselves...
I don't think choosing is the problem. "Keeping" seems to be more of an issue.
Physical attraction has its place. But what happens if the person you are dating gets disfigured in an accident... beauty is so much more than skin deep.
As long as she's still able to make me a sammich...
Does it matter if the sammich is beautiful?
No. As long as it tastes good, who cares what it looks like.
But I wouldn't have married my wife if I wasn't physically attracted to her.
Now that I've known my wife for 23 years, her beauty is much, much, more than skin deep.
And yes, I'm still physically attracted to her too.
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
Yes, beauty is overrated. But not attraction - it's key. It's how "be fruitful and multiply" was so successful!
It must be very difficult for people who initially made their careers on their good looks, once those start to diminish. How many great-looking girls were so used to how people reacted to their looks, and what did that teach them? It's taught many of them to view their looks as if they were some commodity to trade for whatever they desire. Most people (men and women) who are like that, end up miserable and divorced. I've always thought good-looking women who didn't come off as if they knew or thought they were hot, that give off the impression they are mostly unaware of their beauty - now THAT is amazingly attractive. Hey, but I'm with Rick - if she's good looking AND can cook ... But I don't think it's the culinary skills Rick cares about - it's getting someone else, on a regular basis, to make him a sandwich while he watches the Patriots lose.
Philip wrote:Yes, beauty is overrated. But not attraction - it's key. It's how "be fruitful and multiply" was so successful!
It must be very difficult for people who initially made their careers on their good looks, once those start to diminish. How many great-looking girls were so used to how people reacted to their looks, and what did that teach them? It's taught many of them to view their looks as if they were some commodity to trade for whatever they desire. Most people (men and women) who are like that, end up miserable and divorced. I've always thought good-looking women who didn't come off as if they knew or thought they were hot, that give off the impression they are mostly unaware of their beauty - now THAT is amazingly attractive. Hey, but I'm with Rick - if she's good looking AND can cook ... But I don't think it's the culinary skills Rick cares about - it's getting someone else, on a regular basis, to make him a sandwich while he watches the Patriots lose.
John 5:24 24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow
St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
