The Lord pursues you and never leaves you...

[christianwarrior]

I was born to two parents who are devout Christians. They would regularly have family Bible studies and prayer time. I even made a profession of faith and said the sinner’s prayer when I was five years old although I did not truly understand what that it meant to put your faith in Jesus. Everyone around me assumed I was a believer because I was attending church, doing the Sunday school homework, and participating in the child's program but spiritually I was empty instead. I was going to church and reading my Bible in a ritualistic fashion. While I believed that God existed in my mind I did not in my heart truly put my faith in him. James 2:19 states: You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe, and shudder. . . In my mind I knew that God existed however my heart was far from him. Starting in junior high school I began to hate going to church. I found it very boring and thought it was a waste of time. I would try any excuse to miss youth group and church. However I hide the fact that I was not a believer. This changed during my second year of high school, I met a really cute girl and after finding out she was a Buddhist. My parents and my pastor said Christians should not be dating unequally yoked unbelievers. I decided I would not stop pretending to be Christian. I openly decided that I would declare myself a non-believer. Things did not work between me and the girl. We never dated. But from that point on I was hostile towards Christianity. Every time someone brought up Christianity I went on rants against Christianity including claiming that Christianity as the cause of European colonialism, racism, and the religion of imaginary friends.

There was a void in my life where I wondered why I was on the Earth but I tried to fill it in with distractions like video games, books, movies, hanging out with friends, etc. This worked for a while. However my last year of high school I had academic problems, relationship problems with friends, etc. The stress pushed me into a deep depression. I decided to seek solutions. I would research Buddhist, Hinduism, and all the different major religions using Google and Wikipedia. In the midst of my search decided again to explore the possibility of the God of the Bible. I knew in my heart that the universe could not come into existence out of nothing. However I felt that God was a distant, impersonal, and unloving god. My depression and stressed level had calmed down by the time February came around. I looked forward to relaxing from school however I was a little upset that the vacation would be cut short because my parents had signed me up to go to my church's youth winter retreat. During the first night of the winter retreat the speaker,a preacher Jaeson Ma, shared his testimony about how he came to know the Lord after being arrested for stealing several thousand dollars worth of suits. After the testimony the pastor told everyone to pray and let the Lord speak to us. As we were praying the speaker and my youth pastor named Quoc Nguyen went by me and started to put his arms on my shoulder. He prayed that God would reveal to me his love for me. As he was praying for me I felt a tingling sensation down my spine and in my heart I felt Holy Spirit telling me that he loved me. I felt joy and relief like at no other time in my life. God was real and loved me dearly.
Isaiah 55:6 Seek the LORD while He may be found;
Call upon Him while He is near. I had sought after the God and had found him. It was on that day I decided to put my faith in the Lord.

And I lived happily ever after without any trial and tribulations... Not!

A couple of years after I became a Christian I had transferred from De Anza to UC Davis. My first year at UC Davis was one of the worse years of my life. I get distracted easily so in order to study I needed a quiet environment. I had a housemate who played loud music and constantly had friends over. Even in the library I got distracted with people walking around. As a result my grades really suffered (I got into academic probation) and I felt a constant stress. In 2007 I got diagnosed with a digestion disorder. At Davis under the stress I felt it got worse, I had to go to restroom several times a day. My sleep cycle got disrupted I had a hard time going to sleep and was constantly tired. I had anxiety problems for much of my life they got really bad that year and went to a depression. Anyways with all these problems in my mind I felt that God had abandoned me. So in my mind if God had abandoned me maybe I should stop following Him. I would pray prayers that went something like this: “If you are not going to get me through this, I am through with you.” In fact one time I actually thought in my mind: Satan, if you can get me out of this situation, I will follow you. During that time I also was constantly looking at porn and having weird sexual fantasies in my head. Yet despite everything the Holy Spirit was still working in me. Even in those times I would have occasions where I felt God was speaking to me. I continued to go to Bible study and have Christian fellowship because those were the only times and places I felt peace at.

During those times I felt the Holy Spirit still abiding in me. There were several times Christians would say to me that God would get my through these times of trials (I had not told people what I was going through and I was good at masking my depression). After praying for me one of the Christians at my Bible study told me that God had not abandoned me. The Christian Clubs at UC Davis held a Christian apologetics event where William Lane Craig visited. He talked about the clear evidence for God (scientific evidence for creation, historical evidence for Jesus, proof of resurrection, objective morality, etc.) Up until that point most of what I knew about God had been experiential, this event and visiting other Christian websites gave me head knowledge. As I experienced the grace of God and had intellectual evidence for God, I was determined to get through the year. I still had trials but I was able to endure them and get through the year (my second year at Davis was much better).

Once a believer is saved the believer cannot lose their salvation. Ephesians 1:13-14 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory. Once someone puts their faith in Jesus, they are sealed with the Holy Spirit has a pledge of redemption which cannot be lost. There are groups like the Roman Catholics who believe you can lose your salvation by committing serious sin, if that was true I would have lost my salvation because my mind was full of bad thoughts, sexual fantasies, and constantly looking at porn. Others such as the Methodists, Lutherans, and the Pentecostals who say that you can lose your salvation by not having faith in God anymore, if that was true I would have lost my salvation because there was time where I did not have faith and actually told Satan that I would follow him if he could get me out of my situation. Despite everything the Holy Spirit was still working in my life, giving me peace when I felt I was at my end, I gained intellectual knowledge of God, and fellow Christians to comfort me. Perhaps there are some of you in this room who believe that God has abandoned you in during our tribulations and trials or perhaps there are those who believe that you have done something so terrible that you lost your salvation. If you believe that come talk to me after the service because I want to assure you that the Lord will never leave nor forsake you and that nothing can separate us from the Love of God.

As a side-note I wrote an article on the assurance of salvation: http://discussions.godandscience.org/vi ... 72#p165872

William Lane Craig website is: reasonablefaith.org

[B. W.]

Thanks for sharing...

Christ indeed changes our lives one step at a time!

Blessings!
-
-
-

[abelcainsbrother]

I think there are alot of people who have had similar situations in their life like you and now they have a testimony like you. Your story kinda reminds me of this song where sometimes it might seem like God is not there and you are in a situation where you really need an answer but don't feel like you're getting it no matter how you might be reaching out to God.

In My Darkest Hour
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm72p_AXOnU

[Servant]

The Holy Spirit has been a large part of my life. And, it's good to hear that He is working in you. Keep with the faith. I saw Jesus when I was a nine year old boy. Christianity is most certainly the right choice. God bless.