BDSM in the marriage bed

[thatkidakayoungguy]

LOL. Get married and then work it out with your wife.

LOL indeed, but this is about sexuality so I thought it was ok to say.
It's hard these days to get married, so many things including a high chance for divorce or marital strife and other double standard things.
Surely we know about the no fault divorce rate and how it's so high? Or the mentality that "it's always the man's fault, men are bad women are good, it's ok to abuse men and lie to them or mess them up but it's not ok for women, etc" that society knows but won't admit at large.
Of course, not all women are like that, just like we can't stereotype men, but it is hard these days and I'm growing up right in it!

Well, now yall know some of my kinks, hope you like it.

[thatkidakayoungguy]

LOL. Get married and then work it out with your wife.

K, what are you telling us?

Hmm, is he into BDSM too?
Yea, this thread kinda got out of control.
So how you like Great Danes, anyone?

[Kurieuo]

LOL. Get married and then work it out with your wife.

LOL indeed, but this is about sexuality so I thought it was ok to say.
It's hard these days to get married, so many things including a high chance for divorce or marital strife and other double standard things.
Surely we know about the no fault divorce rate and how it's so high? Or the mentality that "it's always the man's fault, men are bad women are good, it's ok to abuse men and lie to them or mess them up but it's not ok for women, etc" that society knows but won't admit at large.
Of course, not all women are like that, just like we can't stereotype men, but it is hard these days and I'm growing up right in it!

Well, now yall know some of my kinks, hope you like it.

Not all of society is that way though. You can't necessarily change the legal or social system, but there are "safe" people out there. You just need to look in the right places to increase your chances of finding a more like-minded woman (i.e., one who doesn't mind dressing up as your mother and giving you a spanking ).

[Philip]

It's hard these days to get married, so many things including a high chance for divorce or marital strife and other double standard things.

Ya wanna catch fish - don't fish in your bathtub! Wanna catch a shark - don't expect to catch one in a pond. Want to find a Christian woman - position yourself on a regular basis wherever such creatures commonly frequent. These things take time. I made many bad choices in ladies until I met my wife - and I was 30 by then. Would have likely married far earlier if I had not wasted time dating ladies who weren't Christians. Ah, but I was going to be such a good influence for Jesus, I was. Or rather, that's was what I told myself. I was terribly wrong!

[PaulSacramento]

Everyone always uses consent as the "gauge" for sexual things.
Well, just because people are ok with it, does it make it right?
The domination of another person is not really love, is it?
And if it isn't love then what are you doing?
Wanting to be dominated and humiliated is a sign of a mental disorder ( of varying degrees of course) and while one can argue that no one is getting hurt, is that really the case?

[Blessed]

I don't know anything about these subjects other than what I have seen on TV/online and a voice inside that screams "NO" every time loud and clear. Which I always listen to.

How anyone could receive "gratification" from dressing up in wicked outfits, whipping, pouring wax, peeing on someone, or enslaving another person in a simulation for pleasure, has evil desires.

Anyone who becomes "aroused" inflicting pain on another person, delights in depriving another person of freedom by putting them in chains or a dungeon, receives pleasure from urinating on someone else etc, is depraved sick and evil by definition.

This filth is just evil expressed in a sexual way.

From a Psychological perspective SM behavior should be treated as a mental disorder, as it once was back in the 1950's before smut shops and MTV documentaries and pornography "normalized" it.

[RickD]

I don't know anything about these subjects other than what I have seen on TV/online and a voice inside that screams "NO" every time loud and clear. Which I always listen to.

How anyone could receive "gratification" from dressing up in wicked outfits, whipping, pouring wax, peeing on someone, or enslaving another person in a simulation for pleasure, has evil desires.

Anyone who becomes "aroused" inflicting pain on another person, delights in depriving another person of freedom by putting them in chains or a dungeon, receives pleasure from urinating on someone else etc, is depraved sick and evil by definition.

This filth is just evil expressed in a sexual way.

From a Psychological perspective SM behavior should be treated as a mental disorder, as it once was back in the 1950's before smut shops and MTV documentaries and pornography "normalized" it.

Maybe that's why you can't meet a nice woman. You need to try something new. How will you ever know if you like golden showers if you don't try?

Sheesh! Some people are prudes!

[Philip]

In the context of one's marriage bed:

Blessed: How anyone could receive "gratification" from dressing up in wicked outfits

Guess that depends upon what is a "wicked" outfit?

Blessed: whipping, pouring wax, peeing on someone, or enslaving another person in a simulation for pleasure, has evil desires.

Anyone who becomes "aroused" inflicting pain on another person, delights in depriving another person of freedom by putting them in chains or a dungeon, receives pleasure from urinating on someone else etc, is depraved sick and evil by definition.

This filth is just evil expressed in a sexual way.

I would agree giving pain and receiving pleasure from it is sinful, unloving.

A lot of people incorporate fantasies of sinful acts into their sexual lives - like a rape fantasy, or that they are with someone other than their spouse.

But also, a lot of people get their understandings of what works best sexually for their partners from porn - especially men, who typically absorb its mythologies from adolescence. However, that is not to say that some activities depicted in porn aren't perfectly fine for a Christian and their spouse - as some things otherwise spiritually fine between a man and his wife, are sinful, are only so because they are done outside the bonds of marriage. But the ACTIVITIES depicted in the porn of today are not what they mostly were back in the 60s and 70s - nowadays, they are, from what I read, far darker, physically and psychologically damaging and degrading - its buying into the lie that the darker and more twisted one goes sexually, the more pleasurable it supposedly will be. Such sensibilities/activities have nothing to do with love. But if you ever read the Song of Solomon, one can tell that God sees it more than appropriate for physical love to be quite adventurous - in ways that our grandparent's generation (particularly) mostly saw as being pornographic - even between spouses. Millions of women, some men, back then, were raised to believe sex was more for procreation, and to look at it as also immensely pleasurable as well was often considered sinful - putting a great damper upon what God sees as joyful and bonding.

[thatkidakayoungguy]

It's hard these days to get married, so many things including a high chance for divorce or marital strife and other double standard things.

Ya wanna catch fish - don't fish in your bathtub! Wanna catch a shark - don't expect to catch one in a pond. Want to find a Christian woman - position yourself on a regular basis wherever such creatures commonly frequent. These things take time. I made many bad choices in ladies until I met my wife - and I was 30 by then. Would have likely married far earlier if I had not wasted time dating ladies who weren't Christians. Ah, but I was going to be such a good influence for Jesus, I was. Or rather, that's was what I told myself. I was terribly wrong!

The problem is, a lot of Christian women these days are like what I described!
A good number ain't, I agree.
The church in general has often been influenced by the surrounding culture.

[thatkidakayoungguy]

I don't know anything about these subjects other than what I have seen on TV/online and a voice inside that screams "NO" every time loud and clear. Which I always listen to.

How anyone could receive "gratification" from dressing up in wicked outfits, whipping, pouring wax, peeing on someone, or enslaving another person in a simulation for pleasure, has evil desires.

Anyone who becomes "aroused" inflicting pain on another person, delights in depriving another person of freedom by putting them in chains or a dungeon, receives pleasure from urinating on someone else etc, is depraved sick and evil by definition.

This filth is just evil expressed in a sexual way.

From a Psychological perspective SM behavior should be treated as a mental disorder, as it once was back in the 1950's before smut shops and MTV documentaries and pornography "normalized" it.

Yea, most all of BDSM is messed up. Be careful of browsing the internet too much.
But doesn't sometimes regular intercourse feel painful, yet the couple likes it? Even in a Christian marriage?

[thatkidakayoungguy]

LOL. Get married and then work it out with your wife.

LOL indeed, but this is about sexuality so I thought it was ok to say.
It's hard these days to get married, so many things including a high chance for divorce or marital strife and other double standard things.
Surely we know about the no fault divorce rate and how it's so high? Or the mentality that "it's always the man's fault, men are bad women are good, it's ok to abuse men and lie to them or mess them up but it's not ok for women, etc" that society knows but won't admit at large.
Of course, not all women are like that, just like we can't stereotype men, but it is hard these days and I'm growing up right in it!

Well, now yall know some of my kinks, hope you like it.

Not all of society is that way though. You can't necessarily change the legal or social system, but there are "safe" people out there. You just need to look in the right places to increase your chances of finding a more like-minded woman (i.e., one who doesn't mind dressing up as your mother and giving you a spanking ).

No, I don't like women to dress up as my mom to spank me, that's just weird and wrong.
I think one of the reasons why BDSM is getting more common these days is bc of the widespread use of porn, like 50 shades of gray (which there is a thread about on here).
BDSM ain't right, other than maybe a mild smack on the bum. But certainly not whipping, waxing, etc.

[Storyteller]

I held off on responding, it feels right to respond now...

I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so.
At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.

I think it was a way of "owning" being raped, of being in control.
I needed to submit, willingly rather than being forced to.

I liked being whipped. I enjoyed the pain. I was in control of it. It was my choice.

Now... I choose love, and respect.

[RickD]

I held off on responding, it feels right to respond now...

I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so.
At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.

I think it was a way of "owning" being raped, of being in control.
I needed to submit, willingly rather than being forced to.

I liked being whipped. I enjoyed the pain. I was in control of it. It was my choice.

Now... I choose love, and respect.

I'm glad you posted about this. It shows that what we think may be something good at the time, is really something unhealthy when it's looked back on.

[Storyteller]

I held off on responding, it feels right to respond now...

I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so.
At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.

I think it was a way of "owning" being raped, of being in control.
I needed to submit, willingly rather than being forced to.

I liked being whipped. I enjoyed the pain. I was in control of it. It was my choice.

Now... I choose love, and respect.

I'm glad you posted about this. It shows that what we think may be something good at the time, is really something unhealthy when it's looked back on.

The more I allow God to guide me, the more I realise that it is all part of His plan, the more I realise none of this is accidental. There was a reason I enjoyed (or thought i did) being submissive. I saw it as giving myself up to someone. I know now that I should give everything up to God, even my "perversions" I am beginning to understand, really grasp, just how much He guides me.

Sex should be fun, loving, bonding, respectful.

I was 17, a virgin, when I was raped. It took me a long time to accept that it wasnt my fault, even longer to accept that it wasnt Gods. Everything I have endure, He endures, and then some.
I have cried out to God, cursed Him, raged, questioned but never once has he deserted me.

For years I have felt worthless, seeking out approval, confused lust with love. Thought that a man wanting my body equated love. Now I know sex is, or should be a physical expression of that love. If you love someone there should be no pain, or desire to hurt.

My interest in BDSM stemmed from my soul, my soul was hurting, I hadnt had positive examples.

By all means explore your sexuality, rejoice in the splendour of making love but there has to be respect, tenderness, love. Not domination. God created us to complement each other not dominate.

[thatkidakayoungguy]

Good post Storyteller.