Marriage - It's an Institution

[LittleHamster]

Well, it's a mental institution of sorts, an emotional one, a physical one and a spiritual. I'm more interested in the spiritual aspects. GOS touches on it a bit here....http://www.godandscience.org/doctrine/sexuality.html

Although a married couple may be matched quite well mentally (intellectually), emotionally and physically, if the Holy Spirit doesn't agree, I don't think the marriage will ever be quite right.

Now, Matthew points out..."What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" Matt 19:6

In a lot of early traditions, it was left up the parents to choose the right partners for their children. This did'nt always work out either. So how can someone, in today's society, tell that their marriage is brought together and it is in-line with God's will ? For people under 'the law', it's a bit hit-miss scoring the right union - in the eyes of God. Under Grace, I think it's a bit easier finding the right partner e.g., praying to meet the right match.

Looking at some marriages in days gone by (whether it be a Royal one or Otherwise), it can be very hit-miss at best.

edit: I'm more interested from the "How do I know my children have found the right partner ?" POV. Should parents interfere in such matters ? What if prayer is not working and your kid brings home the wrong one ?

[neo-x]

Well, it's a mental institution of sorts, an emotional one, a physical one and a spiritual. I'm more interested in the spiritual aspects. GOS touches on it a bit here....http://www.godandscience.org/doctrine/sexuality.html

Although a married couple may be matched quite well mentally (intellectually), emotionally and physically, if the Holy Spirit doesn't agree, I don't think the marriage will ever be quite right.

Now, Matthew points out..."What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" Matt 19:6

In a lot of early traditions, it was left up the parents to choose the right partners for their children. This did'nt always work out either. So how can someone, in today's society, tell that their marriage is brought together and it is in-line with God's will ? For people under 'the law', it's a bit hit-miss scoring the right union - in the eyes of God. Under Grace, I think it's a bit easier finding the right partner e.g., praying to meet the right match.

Looking at some marriages in days gone by (whether it be a Royal one or Otherwise), it can be very hit-miss at best.

edit: I'm more interested from the "How do I know my children have found the right partner ?" POV. Should parents interfere in such matters ? What if prayer is not working and your kid brings home the wrong one ?

First of all, God isn't bothered with who you choose to marry. He just doesn't care but as a parent, you should. I think you should at least tell them what you think about their choice. I am not sure how much can you interfere.

[LittleHamster]

Well, it's a mental institution ........

First of all, God isn't bothered with who you choose to marry. He just doesn't care but as a parent, you should. I think you should at least tell them what you think about their choice. I am not sure how much can you interfere.

Ahh, the 'be a good parent' approach. Yes, its tricky, tricky, tricky*.

On the one hand, If I had a daughter, I could say to her "You've got free will lovey, you're all grown up and old enough to make your own decisions." On the other hand, I could end up saying "That guy you want to marry has over twenty convictions for armed robbery, is wanted for murder, and has been addicted to smokin' crack for 15 years - marry him? - over my dead body !" (A bit of an extreme example)

I think there are lessons to be learned in marriages - and some just aren't destined to work out "until death do you part". But I also think there is a "right person" for everyone.

In my case, I was led by the holy spirit to my find my wife - which turned extremely well. I can discuss all sorts of things with her. e.g. the other day I said "Hey, we're all talking about 'Lust' on the GodandScience forum" and she'll say "You guys seriously need therapy" and I'll say, "what kind of therapy do you recommend ?" and she says "Go visit a brothel !". (jokingly of course).













*cue Run-DMC music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0

[neo-x]

Well, it's a mental institution ........

First of all, God isn't bothered with who you choose to marry. He just doesn't care but as a parent, you should. I think you should at least tell them what you think about their choice. I am not sure how much can you interfere.

Ahh, the 'be a good parent' approach. Yes, its tricky, tricky, tricky*.

On the one hand, If I had a daughter, I could say to her "You've got free will lovey, you're all grown up and old enough to make your own decisions." On the other hand, I could end up saying "That guy you want to marry has over twenty convictions for armed robbery, is wanted for murder, and has been addicted to smokin' crack for 15 years - marry him? - over my dead body !" (A bit of an extreme example)

I think there are lessons to be learned in marriages - and some just aren't destined to work out "until death do you part". But I also think there is a "right person" for everyone.

In my case, I was led by the holy spirit to my find my wife - which turned extremely well. I can discuss all sorts of things with her. e.g. the other day I said "Hey, we're all talking about 'Lust' on the GodandScience forum" and she'll say "You guys seriously need therapy" and I'll say, "what kind of therapy do you recommend ?" and she says "Go visit a brothel !". (jokingly of course).


*cue Run-DMC music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0

I am not sure, what else can one do in a situation like this. Nine times out of ten the child is going to do what he/she wants to, regardless of how much sense your argument makes. Like all experiences, you only get the benefit of it in hindsight. Sometimes parents can interfere "too much" and risk abandoning the child, in others, the child marries a serial rapist. I think the best bet is to encourage discussion of the matter and remain open to help your child if they have made the wrong decision.

I don't mean to offend when I say that I think there are wives out there or husbands for that matter who aren't led by the HS and still have partners who turn out to be extremely well, ones which are open to discussing all sorts of things. So just because you have one doesn't mean God involves himself in such matters. You are lucky, I'll give you that.

FWIW, my wife also believes that she was led by the HS to find me...which I find utterly dubious and more often than not, a self-congratulatory opinion.

[Philip]

So how can someone, in today's society, tell that their marriage is brought together and it is in-line with God's will ?

Well, in the first place, God's will for us is that A) we have free will and B) that we are to enact our free will according to the principles derived from His teachings. If we seek God's will in our lives and follow His Scriptural principals, He will lead us into a marriage that honors Him. A Christian is free to marry whoever he or she likes, AS LONG AS the person is a believer in Christ - but this also comes with additional considerations. But there is no ONE person we must marry - "as if" one misses THAT one person, their opportunity for a Godly marriage is ruined. And while we are free in Christ, we are to seek God's will and guidance prayerfully about marriage.

Take prayerful consideration over the person you are considering to marry. Pre-marital counseling from a qualified Christian counselor has value in discovering potential issues or conflicting expectations beforehand. Knowing of potential challenges or differences of opinions on key issues is very important beforehand - else, potentially harmful issues just get dragged into the marriage with ongoing consequences. Understanding how to deal with family and in-laws - that's an issue most don't consider up front. Discussing sexual expectations is important - as some expect great adventure and constant passion, while others are far different. Expectations for children - none, one - a bunch? How money is to be handled? What about church and Christian fellowship? Etc.

[LittleHamster]

Thanks for the advice guys. Phillip and neo, you ever considered becoming counselors or Christian matchmakers ? .

Yes, thank God, I'm *extremely* lucky. It's starting to freak me out a bit. I've got a lot friends, etc. that it's not working out for them or it did not work out for them. i.e., Men having to pay child support, women left raising children on their own, subsequently going through depression etc.

As for my kids, I've heard that setting an example for them is one of the best things you can do as a parent - to show them what a proper relationship/marriage should be like. But my kids are approaching that age where they go to a party and rather than think "Hey, I will be led by God to my marriage made in heaven !", they will be thinking more along the lines of "I gotta get laid ASAP" (something to do with the hormones going crazy). And then there's these new-fangled speed-dating apps. I don't even want to go there - scary stuff.

[Nicki]

So how can someone, in today's society, tell that their marriage is brought together and it is in-line with God's will ?

Well, in the first place, God's will for us is that A) we have free will and B) that we are to enact our free will according to the principles derived from His teachings. If we seek God's will in our lives and follow His Scriptural principals, He will lead us into a marriage that honors Him. A Christian is free to marry whoever he or she likes, AS LONG AS the person is a believer in Christ - but this also comes with additional considerations. But there is no ONE person we must marry - "as if" one misses THAT one person, their opportunity for a Godly marriage is ruined. And while we are free in Christ, we are to seek God's will and guidance prayerfully about marriage.

Take prayerful consideration over the person you are considering to marry. Pre-marital counseling from a qualified Christian counselor has value in discovering potential issues or conflicting expectations beforehand. Knowing of potential challenges or differences of opinions on key issues is very important beforehand - else, potentially harmful issues just get dragged into the marriage with ongoing consequences. Understanding how to deal with family and in-laws - that's an issue most don't consider up front. Discussing sexual expectations is important - as some expect great adventure and constant passion, while others are far different. Expectations for children - none, one - a bunch? How money is to be handled? What about church and Christian fellowship? Etc.

I wasn't expecting you to say that I used to think there was one right person for everyone because that's what most people seemed to think, and then our old pastor pointed out that if that was so and one person made a mistake and married someone they weren't supposed to, that would lead to everyone else marrying the wrong person and, as the pastor put it, the world spinning off its axis I quite liked that idea because either way I can't have done too badly - if there was only one person for me then I can't possibly have got it wrong, and if there wasn't then I didn't miss out on God's plan for me.

But LH was asking about it in relation to one's children - and I don't know. It freaks me out a little that my boys are going to be teenagers at a public high school with lots of girls. I don't have any experience of it myself because although I went to public schools, my high school was girls-only - and things are so different now as far as how people interact and the material they have access to. I'm not sure what response I'll get if one of the boys gets a non-Christian girlfriend and I advise against the relationship. Have to work through it as it comes, I guess.

[Philip]

Nicki: It freaks me out a little that my boys are going to be teenagers at a public high school with lots of girls. I don't have any experience of it myself because although I went to public schools, my high school was girls-only - and things are so different now as far as how people interact and the material they have access to. I'm not sure what response I'll get if one of the boys gets a non-Christian girlfriend and I advise against the relationship. Have to work through it as it comes, I guess.

We need to teach our children from a young age that Scripture's teachings are for our great benefit, and that when we prayerfully try to apply its principles to our life, that many mistakes can be avoided. One immense principle I have been drilling in my kids minds is, as believers, they are to never date an unbeliever, and that they should attempt to gain some understanding whether or not a potential date is an actual believer or not. There ARE Christian girls and boys out there, and if they never date an unbeliever, they'll never end up with one - a tragic mistake. Don't just suggest it - emphasize it. It's never too soon for us or our children to start praying that God will one day bless them with a Christian wife. Other thing I tell my 20-year old (tomorrow), is if you want to catch fish, don't fish in your bathtub - ya gotta go where the fish are. Same is true of trying to meet Christians to date - it is smart to put oneself in proximity to where Christians of the opposite sex can be found to frequent. And lastly, try to eradicate the idea that the cute non-Christian chick might be brought to Christ through dating them. MAYBE that MIGHT happen. But far more likely, they'll eventually stumble sexually. Even with two young Christians trying to remain sexually pure - it's a huge struggle, hormones are very powerful. Biggest mistakes I ever made was when dating non-Christians.

[1over137]

Nicki, that pastor was wrong.
Imagine a man A marries wrongly a Woman B. While man B marries wrongly a woman A.
If they marrried right way, it would be: man A - woman A, man B - woman B.
So these 4 people married wrongly. But rest of the world would be fine

(am i right or it is too late now for me ?

[Philip]

Hana, who knows what wonderful things God might have planned for you?!!!

[1over137]

There is already a good man in my life. He was good friend to me and Tomas.
We are getting to know each other better.

[Nicki]

There is already a good man in my life. He was good friend to me and Tomas.
We are getting to know each other better.

And single? That's the trouble I used to have - finding nice single guys.

[RickD]

There is already a good man in my life. He was good friend to me and Tomas.
We are getting to know each other better.

This post warms the cockles of my heart!

[1over137]

Thank you friends.

[1over137]

There is already a good man in my life. He was good friend to me and Tomas.
We are getting to know each other better.

And single? That's the trouble I used to have - finding nice single guys.

Somehow, God put us together.
What a gift.