A Confession

[Storyteller]

I lied.
I lied to you all.

To say I'm sorry seems not nearly enough. I am ashamed, deeply, truly ashamed.

There was no terminal illness.

Hana.... how do i even begin to apologise to you? You were so brave, so loving, i feel the worst about deceiving you. I am forever sorry.

I have been off work since october last year, first with depression, then pneumonia. Ive recently been diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. I will be on lifelong meds with regular blood tests and need to continue changing my lifestyle.
I have had a lot of time to think, and to pray.

I love you all. You have been like family to me and i would rather lose you all by telling you the truth than lie anymore.

I am so very, very sorry.


I was in a very bad place back then when i posted that, it is something that i bitterly regret. I think i was trying to validate myself, feel needed, wanted, loved, i guess.
Anyway, it was stupid, cruel and wrong.....


I am so sorry

[Fliegender]

relax. we all have the same terminal illness: sin.

[Philip]

Annette, depression changes everything - I know, because my dad had it and it was horrific. I don't know that you ever said anything was actually terminal. But no matter, you weren't in a good spot, and I'm just thankful you're okay. We love you around here - have missed and wondered about you.

BTW, concerning one's thyroid: I found out that a terrible illness can stop the thyroid from proper functioning. Back when I caught Lyme Disease, it knocked out my thyroid. I had such unbelievable fatigue (for about two years), that all I could do was come home and sit on the couch. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and took medicine for 19 years. After beginning it, it gave me a lot of my life back, as I began to have a lot more energy. But one day, my endocrinologist was looking over my medical history and saw my long-past Lyme illness, and he told me some people have a serious illness and their thyroid is damaged, but it can (I guess, rarely) recover, but that they never find out because they are taking synthetic thyroid meds. He wanted to back me down off the meds to check - which terrified me, as I had mind-numbing fatigue before the thyroid med. But he monitored me and lowered the medication level very slowly.

Guess what - the doctor guessed correctly, that I was one of those rare few whose thyroid healed over time. My thyroid function is now perfect and no meds! And during the time that I was so sick with Lyme, I also had horrible depression - so did that help bring it on? Who knows. I never took meds for depression, as I was afraid of getting dependent AND I hoped (correctly), that as I healed, my outlook would change - and so it did. Really, I didn't really understand I'd been in deep depression until looking back. So, when your body gets sick, depression is always a possibility!

Today, I take absolutely no prescription drugs! Praise God for that!

[RickD]

Annette,

I'm not sure I understand. Are you talking about this post:
viewtopic.php?p=219502#p219502

[Storyteller]

Yes


Guys.... i am so sorry xxxx

[Storyteller]

There are no words to say how much i regret it rick. I feel an absolute heel.

There is no excuse, no defence.
I had to come clean, i thought about it a lot. I prayed. I care about you all and i let you all down. I let me down. I let God down.

I thought about not saying anything and just moving on but true repentance begins with confession and remorse, right?

For the first time in my life i found somewhere i was liked, where people listened. You were all, are, so good to me i had to own up.

[RickD]

Are you saying that you were never diagnosed with cancer, and never underwent chemo?

Or are you saying that the cancer was never terminal?

[Storyteller]

I never had cancer...

Rick, im sorry, so sorry

[RickD]

I never had cancer...

Rick, im sorry, so sorry

How do we know that you're not lying about NOT having terminal cancer, and maybe you're really dead, and didn't tell us that you died?

[RickD]

Annette,

In all seriousness, whatever you were going through must've been very difficult for you, if you felt that you needed to lie to us.

I hope you are doing better now.

[Byblos]

I never had cancer...

Rick, im sorry, so sorry

It takes a lot of courage to even contemplate such a confession, much more to actually do it. There is no judgment here Annette, you are among friends. We're so very proud of you.

[PaulSacramento]

No worries love, we forgive because HE forgave Us.

Thank you for the apology, it means a lot.

We love you, not because any of us are perfect and without our issues BUT because none of us are perfect and we ALL have our issues.

[Philip]

Yes, Annette, to echo Byblos, we know it took considerable courage to fess up. And I'm thankful you think enough of us that it was important for you to do so. We otherwise wouldn't have realized it - and you could have just kept quiet. But it's often when we keep quiet after we've screwed up that the devil will hold it over our heads, so as to capitalize on the guilt we are already burdened by. But you've been through enough real crap that we're in awe of seeing how God has worked in your life and changed you.

[HughAdam]

Your miracle cure may exist already. Talk to someone in the know about these things (doctor/therapist). No need for a public exposé, just see what's out there for you.

[Philip]

She keeps disappearing on us?