Shaky faith.

[Lady Bee]

Hi. I don't know if I'll get any response here but it's worth a try...

I haven't been a Christian very long. I'm a total beginner because I didn't come into contact with Christianity growing up. I find it difficult to keep my faith afloat. All the other Christians I know talk about God being so "real" to them.

But.. every time they say it my heart sinks. I never sense God at all. I never feel his presence. I don't have any experiences to fall back on when my faith gets shaky - I believe against all my experience tells me! I don't know if this is a good thing. Sometimes it just gets too hard and I feel so insecure because I need to know he's there and I just never feel like he is. Especially when I'm having a really bad day. When I feel like I need God most. He just... doesn't seem to be there at all. And how on earth I keep believing I do not know. Some days I just doubt absolutely everything. It's frustrating.

The people in my Church have been very kind to me and are trying to help me but they treat me like I'm not a Christian, because I guess somehow I give that impression with my lack of confidence and liquid faith. The other day in a prayer session one girl prayed that I'd find Christ. I just wanted to sink into the ground. It just makes me doubt everything even more, makes me think that I can't possibly be a Christian, and then, all these months of struggling have been in vain! I feel like it's not meant for me. I feel like God doesn't want me.

Has anybody else ever gone through similar feelings..? I don't really know what to do about it. I pray and pray and pray, and read the Bible as much as I can. But nothing seems to change.. God seems to be silent and invisible. Month after month I still feel as alone as ever.

Ummm. Any advice? ^_^;

[bizzt]

Hi. I don't know if I'll get any response here but it's worth a try...

I haven't been a Christian very long. I'm a total beginner because I didn't come into contact with Christianity growing up. I find it difficult to keep my faith afloat. All the other Christians I know talk about God being so "real" to them.

But.. every time they say it my heart sinks. I never sense God at all. I never feel his presence. I don't have any experiences to fall back on when my faith gets shaky - I believe against all my experience tells me! I don't know if this is a good thing. Sometimes it just gets too hard and I feel so insecure because I need to know he's there and I just never feel like he is. Especially when I'm having a really bad day. When I feel like I need God most. He just... doesn't seem to be there at all. And how on earth I keep believing I do not know. Some days I just doubt absolutely everything. It's frustrating.

The people in my Church have been very kind to me and are trying to help me but they treat me like I'm not a Christian, because I guess somehow I give that impression with my lack of confidence and liquid faith. The other day in a prayer session one girl prayed that I'd find Christ. I just wanted to sink into the ground. It just makes me doubt everything even more, makes me think that I can't possibly be a Christian, and then, all these months of struggling have been in vain! I feel like it's not meant for me. I feel like God doesn't want me.

Has anybody else ever gone through similar feelings..? I don't really know what to do about it. I pray and pray and pray, and read the Bible as much as I can. But nothing seems to change.. God seems to be silent and invisible. Month after month I still feel as alone as ever.

Ummm. Any advice? ^_^;

Hello Lady Bee
Unfortunately the life of Faith is like that. Gosh I remember when I hardly had anything to stand on and it was purely Blind Faith. I did not feel God around me, I did not have Experiences. It was very hard in that time for I felt like the Word was given to me but I was the Ground that was in Thorn Bushes and the Faith was being Choked. As you Nurture your faith and get around some good Christian Friends who have had the same experiences, and problems as you it makes it easier. They are like your peers and you can tell them things. It has been a 10 year Process for me of learning, then being Bombarded with different issues in my life yet still knowing God Exists. It is a matter of knowing in your Heart and confessing it with your lips. It makes your Faith Grow. All I can say keep learning do not let certain things bombard you but build your faith up. People are different but for me Historical Evidence of Christ, of our Faith was very Confirming for me. I would recommend a few Books for you... Lee Strobel "The Case for Faith" "The Case for a Creator" The Case for Christ"

Soldier on!

In Christ-

[Mystical]

I've felt the same way. Believing in God and living in Him, or having a relationship with Him are different. Maybe you should commit your life to Him and ask for salvation. It's so hard, I don't know why it worked for me when it did and why it never worked before (I think I never asked Him into my life before recently; just went to church and believed in Him, all that stuff). I've got to go for now but I will be back if you have more questions--I can try to explain/speak on this matter in more depth if you'd like.

He does want you. Know that.

[Believer]

I would like to add in if I may with how Lady Bee is feeling. I feel the same way most of the time. I believe it all, and I talk and pray to THEM. However, I see really no change, BUT, looking back from months ago, I am doing better than I used to be. Don't get me wrong, I have the roller coaster effect going on with faith. It seems with me I am all over the place uncontrollably. I've asked Jesus into my life too many times to count, I don't know if it was true, I hope so. Just never feel motivated for a lot of things a Christian should do, I don't like to call myself a Christian, but a believer. One of the things is science is part of why I keep having these doubts. The best way I can put it is I am solid steel and science is solid steel and you can't pry me off it with a prying tool. The doubts are there. For every Christian book that comes out that is based on anything, a critique is done by an atheist, then the Christian refutes or critiques that persons critiquing of the book, back and forth, month after month, makes you wonder what is true anymore, for me it does. Some days I just go into atheist mode, some days I don't. I don't know, it is weird. I feel like I want to commit [mental] suicide, sometimes it already feels like I have. Even worse, my OCD likes to make me believe science over everything else and I always have to stay up to date with it, hence why I am on these forums and other places most of each day. Atheists really drive the nail down too. I seriously have thought about suicide several times, injecting myself with lethal drugs (yes, I can get them from my dad through mixtures) or just shooting myself to pieces. I even think about the Columbine school shooting how one of the shooters wore an Evolution t-shirt on and shot himself and I think of myself doing that as well. I have to wonder if this is all a psychological thing. People say better faith comes over time, in psychology, the more you believe in something, the more it will be true to you even if it doesn't exist. Like having an imaginary friend. You know, what hope is there? God chooses people, the elect, and tosses the others into hell, called pre-destination. My mind is warped actually so bad, I can't perceive reality, that is truth.

[Mystical]

Believer:

Why do you think such things (hurting yourself or others)? Where is it coming from? I hope your working on this with someone.

[Believer]

Believer:

Why do you think such things (hurting yourself or others)? Where is it coming from? I hope your working on this with someone.

Society, Science, and my Neurological Disorders.

[Lady Bee]

Thanks to all who replied. I'm glad it's not just me who feels this way.

bizzt, thanks for the book recommendations. I'll see if I can find them in the library.

Mystical - Actually, I've reached out for salvation and committed my life to Christ so many times. I know once ought to be enough, but I always end up feeling that I haven't done it properly because of God not seeming to be here. I think that's the problem.

But that was the most honest I've ever been. Every time. It wasn't just me thinking, "What shall I do today? Ooh I know, I'll give my life to Jesus." And, well, if that really wasn't enough I can only conclude that God hasn't chosen me and it's all just wishful thinking on my part. Which I don't even want to think about. I guess.. I'll just keep floating around and going through the motions until something somewhere clicks.


Believer - I find the whole science thing really tough too. Which, of course, is why I'm here. I was brought up in a family of scientists, and I've always loved science. I look at people funny when they say, "You can't try and put science and religion together", because if religion is about the "why" and science is about the "how" then there's how can they really be at odds? If they're dealing with different areas. But then, things just get blurry in places, I suppose.. I hope you manage to figure things out. It sounds like a frustrating place to be. Keep hoping - things have to be clearer one day. 'Cause there is a truth.


Anyway... I'm seeing one of my Christian friends this evening. Maybe I'll talk to her about it. Although I'm terrible at expressing myself because I'm usually very quiet. Eh. But I will try.

Thanks. xxx

[Believer]

Hello Lady Bee. I like you username and avatar ! Anyways, yeah, it's the science, but I am getting help from some people here as well as from other places. Accepted science is compatible with religion but I can't help to notice science is getting screwier all the time. Evidence this, evidence that. All it is, is a game. I am fed up and truth will never be known. Guess you gotta resort to believing in the unseen. Half of it is believing is seeing and the other half which is the most important part is believing in what is not seen. This parallels what Jesus said MANY times. Why is science so attractive? Well, I believe it has to do with the curiosity of people for a large extent to know truth, but it isn't all there, very incomplete even. In fact truth these days is very distorted (some biblical thing predicted what would happen which is now happening, Judah posted on it). So, it boils down to faith. Just remember, the people that make you doubt is from the unseen enemy that hunts, kills, and DESTROYS. Don't be a victim!

[Mystical]

Believer: You should talk to someone about your thoughts.

[Mystical]

Lady Bee: Maybe you want salvation but you don't want to surrender to God. THere was a time when I was having problems with a certain issue and I would ask God for help and no help would come. I eventually realized that, although I was asking for help, I hadn't been willing to let the issue go. It was like, I want help, but not really. Or, I want help, but on my terms. Of course this was unconscious thinking; it took some time to figure out. But God can see even what we cannot.

...if that really wasn't enough I can only conclude that God hasn't chosen me...

Don't believe that! There's too much in the bible against predeterminism. I think it's nonsense. If He isn't taking you yet it's because you aren't ready, not because He doesn't want you.

P.S. I'm shy too. Maybe you should write your thoughts down for your friend. That might also help to clarify things for you.

Come back and talk to me, tell me how it went?

[Believer]

Believer: You should talk to someone about your thoughts.

I do, but I can be stubborn. I am angry I have OCD, ADD, paranoia, IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome, not officially diagnosed), agitated, self-centered, gullibility, my loss of memory, angry at God because he chooses some for salvation and tosses others for hell against free-will, my inability to read because I forget, which includes the Bible, my addictions, intrusive thoughts (constant negative thoughts, from OCD), having to take medicine, allergic to practically every common thing eaten, having a crappy void life that I though was filled because I thought I was saved in '95, and some other things I can't think of now.

I see a psychiatrist, a Christian counselor, my dad (doctor), and his other one which is a P.A. (Physicians Assistant) that works in his office. I get help, and it doesn't really help all that much.

Lots of crap in my life, and no matter how much I pray, nothing seems to be working, but that doesn't make me stop believing.

[Jbuza]

Hey. I don't think it is as uncommon as you might think. WE struggle within ourselves. Man hates the light and his heart is wicked. See what that great apostle of Jesus, Paul says in Romans 7:15-25; we struggle against what we want to do, and struggle to do the things that we don't want to.

Just know that the Spirit of God promises, "To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna and will give him a white stone and in the stone a new name";"To he that overcometh and keepeth my works unto the end to him will I give power over the nations";"he that overcometh the same shall be clothed in white raiment and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life but I will confess his name before my father"

If there weren't desires to do awful things what would we overcome?

[Lady Bee]

Hi again.
Just wanted to say I had a long chat with a friend last night about this and we uncovered the root of the problem.. which I think was that I have very little trust in my own feelings and my ability to be absolutely honest with myself. But, I think now I can be sure that on all those occasions when I called out to God I really did mean what I prayed. And I do still mean it. And my relationship with God doesn't depend on my feelings at all. Faith isn't based on feelings. It's based on knowledge that God keeps his promises even when I falter and struggle with mine. It's not conditional. And like Peter, if I keep my eyes on Jesus I will not fall.

Even though it feels like God isn't always here when I need him, it's because I fail to trust in him and it's just feelings. When I look at my life and the blessings that I already have and am continuing to receive.. the good always outweighs the bad. And when look at where I was and compare it to where I am now, it's clear to me that God is and was always right here with me.

Anyway.
I ramble.

Thanks guys.

[bizzt]

Hi again.
Just wanted to say I had a long chat with a friend last night about this and we uncovered the root of the problem.. which I think was that I have very little trust in my own feelings and my ability to be absolutely honest with myself. But, I think now I can be sure that on all those occasions when I called out to God I really did mean what I prayed. And I do still mean it. And my relationship with God doesn't depend on my feelings at all. Faith isn't based on feelings. It's based on knowledge that God keeps his promises even when I falter and struggle with mine. It's not conditional. And like Peter, if I keep my eyes on Jesus I will not fall.

Even though it feels like God isn't always here when I need him, it's because I fail to trust in him and it's just feelings. When I look at my life and the blessings that I already have and am continuing to receive.. the good always outweighs the bad. And when look at where I was and compare it to where I am now, it's clear to me that God is and was always right here with me.

Anyway.
I ramble.

Thanks guys.

Good Lady Bee... You have actually just found the Secret to what Life with God is all about.

[Mystical]

I'm glad.