Rejection :(

[Storyteller]

Nicki..
I'll pray for you, I've been in a very similar situation to you. I was desperate to leave but couldn't. My daughter, my faith, my stubbornness. I had an affair. I did so, so many things I shouldn't have done.
I knew it wasn't if I'd leave but when.
I prayed...
Now, although how it happened was far from ideal, my life has changed.
All of my relationships are improving but it was at a heavy cost.

Stay strong Nicki, you'll get through this.
Think things through like you are, talk to people, pray...

You're in my prayers x

[Nicki]

Nicki..
I'll pray for you, I've been in a very similar situation to you. I was desperate to leave but couldn't. My daughter, my faith, my stubbornness. I had an affair. I did so, so many things I shouldn't have done.
I knew it wasn't if I'd leave but when.
I prayed...
Now, although how it happened was far from ideal, my life has changed.
All of my relationships are improving but it was at a heavy cost.

Stay strong Nicki, you'll get through this.
Think things through like you are, talk to people, pray...

You're in my prayers x

Thanks - well, I'm feeling about 20 times happier today because my friend turned up at the course - he hasn't left the class. I'm wondering if he told the chef he was thinking about it, though - someone said something today about the other guy with the same name wanting to change classes, maybe having mixed them up, and my friend looked up in an alarmed way. Anyway, he's still with us; he was still not very warm to me but hopefully that will improve.

[RickD]

Nicki wrote:
Anyway, he's still with us; he was still not very warm to me but hopefully that will improve

Sheesh! Some people just can't take a hint!

[Philip]

Nicki, WHY are you so happy? Clearly, you have romantic interest in a man other than your husband, and you should know that is totally wrong, regardless of the health of your marriage. When we pursue happiness on our own terms as opposed to God's, it always leads to bad places!

[Nessa]

I think you need to make sure you are being totally honest with yourself about wanting to be just friends. Logically that may be true due to being married but emotionally it may not be true at all.

He seems to really affect you and if he did return the warmness you have given, then I would see it as a likely slippery slope.

[Nicki]

I think you need to make sure you are being totally honest with yourself about wanting to be just friends. Logically that may be true due to being married but emotionally it may not be true at all.

He seems to really affect you and if he did return the warmness you have given, then I would see it as a likely slippery slope.

Thanks, well, it didn't go so well the next day - he moved to a different spot in the kitchen, behind where he was instead of next to me, and told me to leave him alone and stay away etc. He just seems to have got more and more hostile and it's so sad when we both used to enjoy getting along. I really want to be able to talk to him tomorrow and apologise and so on - I've been praying my head off and friends from church have been praying about it too. Yes, I have been pretty fond of him, and I'd just like to get back to where we were before - being friends; some friendly warmth instead of coldness. I'd even envisioned sharing my faith with him one day, which I don't find too hard in the right context, but there's not much chance of that when he won't talk to me. Getting along with people in general is so important to me. So if you're inclined maybe you could pray with me against the darkness and division.

[RickD]

I think you need to make sure you are being totally honest with yourself about wanting to be just friends. Logically that may be true due to being married but emotionally it may not be true at all.

He seems to really affect you and if he did return the warmness you have given, then I would see it as a likely slippery slope.

Thanks, well, it didn't go so well the next day - he moved to a different spot in the kitchen, behind where he was instead of next to me, and told me to leave him alone and stay away etc. He just seems to have got more and more hostile and it's so sad when we both used to enjoy getting along. I really want to be able to talk to him tomorrow and apologise and so on - I've been praying my head off and friends from church have been praying about it too. Yes, I have been pretty fond of him, and I'd just like to get back to where we were before - being friends; some friendly warmth instead of coldness. I'd even envisioned sharing my faith with him one day, which I don't find too hard in the right context, but there's not much chance of that when he won't talk to me. Getting along with people in general is so important to me. So if you're inclined maybe you could pray with me against the darkness and division.

Sheesh! Some people just can't take a hint!

[Nicki]

I think you need to make sure you are being totally honest with yourself about wanting to be just friends. Logically that may be true due to being married but emotionally it may not be true at all.

He seems to really affect you and if he did return the warmness you have given, then I would see it as a likely slippery slope.

Thanks, well, it didn't go so well the next day - he moved to a different spot in the kitchen, behind where he was instead of next to me, and told me to leave him alone and stay away etc. He just seems to have got more and more hostile and it's so sad when we both used to enjoy getting along. I really want to be able to talk to him tomorrow and apologise and so on - I've been praying my head off and friends from church have been praying about it too. Yes, I have been pretty fond of him, and I'd just like to get back to where we were before - being friends; some friendly warmth instead of coldness. I'd even envisioned sharing my faith with him one day, which I don't find too hard in the right context, but there's not much chance of that when he won't talk to me. Getting along with people in general is so important to me. So if you're inclined maybe you could pray with me against the darkness and division.

Sheesh! Some people just can't take a hint!

[Storyteller]

I think you need to make sure you are being totally honest with yourself about wanting to be just friends. Logically that may be true due to being married but emotionally it may not be true at all.

He seems to really affect you and if he did return the warmness you have given, then I would see it as a likely slippery slope.

Thanks, well, it didn't go so well the next day - he moved to a different spot in the kitchen, behind where he was instead of next to me, and told me to leave him alone and stay away etc. He just seems to have got more and more hostile and it's so sad when we both used to enjoy getting along. I really want to be able to talk to him tomorrow and apologise and so on - I've been praying my head off and friends from church have been praying about it too. Yes, I have been pretty fond of him, and I'd just like to get back to where we were before - being friends; some friendly warmth instead of coldness. I'd even envisioned sharing my faith with him one day, which I don't find too hard in the right context, but there's not much chance of that when he won't talk to me. Getting along with people in general is so important to me. So if you're inclined maybe you could pray with me against the darkness and division.

Nicki..
Take a step back.
The best apology you can give him is space right now.
Maybe, in time, you can approach him and talk to him again but for now, I would give him the space he needs (and asked for). If you crowd him, it'll drive him further away.

[Nessa]

What Story Teller said.

I think you need to give up trying to get it back to how it was as hard as that maybe

[Blessed]

People like Nikki go from person to person leaving one person who has 80% of what they wanted for someone else who has the missing 20%. Then they find out this other person is also missing 20%. And on it goes until they are so old that potential suitors don't even look them twice any more.

It's called serial monogamy which is really just a term for fornication and it's WRONG. I've seen people do this their entire lives and it's despicable. Adultery is a sin. If you intentionally and willfully sin after having accepted Christ as your savior THE TRUTH DOES NOT ABIDE IN YOU. That is what the Bible says.

God makes it 100% clear:

1) God hates divorce
2) If anyone divorce their husband or wife but for adultery they transgress and lead their spouse to transgress
3) HE WHO MARRIES THE DIVORCED (who initiated divorce under the above mentioned circumstances I assume) COMMITS ADULTERY. That is what the Bible says. Suck it up read it and weep. That is Gods law. No amount of self rationalization can change God's laws. If you are doing everything you can to be a GOOD WIFE AND MOM and your husband commits adultery that is truly the only Biblical grounds for divorce. Period. Got a problem with that? Then don't get married. I'm not. And it's because of women like Nikki. I can't handle it emotionally and won't risk losing my finances in a divorce.

If you are married and pursue flirtacious relations with the opposite sex - you are inviting sin in the door. Period. If you have cheat on your spouse this is ADULTERY and prohibited by the both by the TEN COMMANDMENTS and Jesus Christ himself. All adultery is a 100% premeditated willfull sinful transgression against God AND your husband or wife - YOU CHOSE TO MARRY.

YOU made your bed and put the chocolates on the pillows. Now own up and lay in it. This is the problem with today's society. Everyone wants hedonism, drama, self gratification and onto the next lay. In the past marriage meant something. Divorce was a dirty word and a "scandal" in this country. Read headlines from 60 years ago and tell me I'm wrong. Today it's drama junkies and onto the next partner. This is why I will NEVER marry a women with a past or who became a spinster. I will never, ever marry a women like this.

Sorry but have a lifelong grudge against people like this ever since I was a teenager. I consider them to be devoid of all honor and dignity.

[Storyteller]

The Bible also says "judge not lest you be judged yourself" and ""remove the plank from your own eye" does it not?

You are a perfect example of the reason why i hesitate sometimes in talking about my faith.

I rarely express my personal feelings about posters, each to their own, but seriously?
Your posts are always about how you are the victim. It's always someone elses fault. "People like Nicki" ... seriously? 1) you have no idea of what is going on other than what she shared, 2) what right have you got to judge, 3) she reached out to her fellow friends and you lay into her?

There is some truth in some of what you posted, thing is, it gets lost in the spite.

You complain that you get nothing but pain and trouble, you're a good Christian yet i see absolutely no compassion or concern over anybody but yourself.

[RickD]

Blessed wrote:
Sorry but have a lifelong grudge against people like this ever since I was a teenager. I consider them to be devoid of all honor and dignity.

Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

People that believe they have to follow the OT law, sure do have a lack of love, compassion, and grace in their lives.

[Nicki]

Thanks, Rick and Annette - that's the risk I take posting on an open forum though. Some things have to be taken with a grain of salt. Anyway, things were no better today I'm feeling as if I haven't got very far in life, when I'm getting all upset again over the way someone's treating me at work or something (I worked with a guy 15-20 years ago whom I ended up having a lot of arguments with). It's pretty painful when I hear him talking to others, joking and so on, and when we're up the front to watch a demonstration and I can see him properly, and think of how we used to smile at each other sometimes about things. Of course I bump into him around the kitchen a bit as well. Maybe I have to give him space but it hurts a lot in the meantime.

[Storyteller]

Thanks, Rick and Annette - that's the risk I take posting on an open forum though. Some things have to be taken with a grain of salt. Anyway, things were no better today I'm feeling as if I haven't got very far in life, when I'm getting all upset again over the way someone's treating me at work or something (I worked with a guy 15-20 years ago whom I ended up having a lot of arguments with). It's pretty painful when I hear him talking to others, joking and so on, and when we're up the front to watch a demonstration and I can see him properly, and think of how we used to smile at each other sometimes about things. Of course I bump into him around the kitchen a bit as well. Maybe I have to give him space but it hurts a lot in the meantime.

Of course it hurts. This is a testing time for you but it wouldn't be much of a test if it wasnt hard, would it?
This guy isnt the answer Nicki.