My journey

[RickD]

...
You're really attempting to back this biblically?

From a biblical perspective:

1. Marriage is between a man and a woman.
2. A couple is wed by God (Adam and Eve) or,
3. through sexual intimacy (see Dt21:10-14) or,
4. through some event (an agreement, a political arrangement or a ceremony).

Whatever married, consenting adults do behind closed doors is none of my business.

I see you left some pertinent info out, and twisted some scripture to fit your narrative.

You're responsible to God and to Annette, to give her the right counsel, not just what she wants to hear. You really need to pray about the advice you're giving her.

[Nessa]

It's selfish to also have the 'Not my business' motto to try to deflect any personal responsibility. If you aren't gonna stand up for the truth then that's your choice. As wrong as that is.

[Storyteller]

Guys....
I appreciate your thoughts and i'm pondering and praying.

I stuck with my marraige. For years. My sexual preferences have been "vanilla" and there are a lot of misconceptions about BDSM. Sure, there are people that abuse the dynamics of a Dominant/submissive but within a loving relationship it is the most respectful, consensual, loving relationship i have had. I'm not talking about offering myself to just anyone, or several people. I'm talking about a commited, loving relationship with the man i am going to marry, should have married.
Legally my husband and i are seperated, on the road to divorce.
How does this marry with my faith? I am, and can be, totally honest about who i am both here and in the bdsm community.
Bdsm isn't something i have rushed into. Everything i do is thought about, safe, consensual.
Bdsm has helped me accept so much about myself. Tbh, i'm not convined that bdsm in itself is sinful. It encourages communication. Trust is essential.
Is it the act that's sinful? If i do this with my significant other is it sinful?


Yes, God led me here. For answers, for guidance, for support. He also led me to Bdsm. Now, it may be that there were just, or are, a few lessons for me within bdsm or maybe it's something that will be part of my life. I don't know.

[Storyteller]

And....
I feel more married to Fooz than i ever did to my husband.

I'm not convinced Bdsm practices are sinful.
If i had posted all the above but instead of bdsm it was just sexual activity, it'd be as much of a sin, yes?
I don't feel I'm sinning by engaging in bdsm, maybe by being intimate while still technically married.
But even that, legally, yes. Spiritually? In front of God? No.

[Storyteller]

Also...
I have talked to people within the bdsm community about my faith. People are listening, and asking questions.
Maybe this is part of Gods plan?
If i am to help people become closer to God then i need to be among the people that need His light, no?

[RickD]

Also...
I have talked to people within the bdsm community about my faith. People are listening, and asking questions.
Maybe this is part of Gods plan?
If i am to help people become closer to God then i need to be among the people that need His light, no?

Why didn't that logic work for me? That was the excuse I gave my wife when she caught me in a whorehouse. I told her that God led me there, to witness to prostitutes. I thought the sex with them wasn't a sin, because it was consensual.*




*No, it's not a real story.

[Philip]

Story, two questions:

A) Are you having sexual relations with a person you are not married to? If so, that is absolutely sin by God's standards! Do you not know this?

B) Is the person you plan to marry a Christian? If not, you have no business marrying him, according to Scripture - and for many good reasons! And to be clear, a real Christian is a submitted / committed follower of Christ.

[Nessa]

Story, you are very much a feeling kind of person. And although there's nothing wrong with that, it can cause a person to put feelings above the truth.

You are still justifying what you are doing and there seems no genuine repentance for committing adultery. Just that it maybe 'technically' wrong because you are still married.

Marriage isn't a lottery where you don't win first time, buy another ticket.Theres a reason why second marriages have a higher failure rate too.

This may sound like judging due to the harshness because you seem blind to some truths here. If your lover is not a Christian then what example does it set for him to become one?

You can't be a light to others if you willingly choose to live in darkness yourself.

[Nessa]

And not the best foundation for a relationship to begin in adultery. Sounds like you could be heading into another painful mess. Sad.

If you truly loved this man you would put God's will over your own will. To end the adulterous relationship and repent not to keep continually justifying it all.

[Storyteller]

I appreciate your points, all of them.
I did everything I could to stay in my marriage. I endured abuse. My relationship with my ex as improved since we split. He's happier, I'm happier, our daughter is happier. I have absolutely no doubts about my marriage ending. I have taken a lot of positive things from it.
Fooz isn't a Christian, he's agnostic. He supports me, encourages me to explore my faith. We talk, honestly, about everything. This man has been there for me. Once divorced, we will marry.
God knows what is in my heart, He knows what is in Foozs too. My ex was an atheist.
In Fooz I have found someone (apart from my daughter) that I genuinely care more about than I do about myself.
I would rather be with someone who just wants me to be the best me I can who may not be able to say they believe than with someone who tears me down and destroys me.
Maybe I'll lead Fooz to God?

[Nessa]

I think I've said just about all I want to say in this thread.

In this situation, I feel you are deluded and twisting God into a god who cares more about your happiness than your holiness while you are repetitively justifying everything.

[Philip]

Annette, you just can't take a shortcut to happiness that goes against God's instructions. Is that hard, difficult - yes, often it can be. But not nearly so hard as the consequences you'll have if you go against them. That you are basically ignoring what God says and putting your own desires and feelings over them - well, Jesus DIED for your salvation. And He knows exactly what and who you need and knows you better than any human could possibly know. His instructions are for YOUR peace and well-being. Why would you stubbornly go against what He says? And these things - sexuality outside of marriage and marrying an unbeliever - just why would you go against His wishes? And these specific things are not things you need to pray about to find God's will about them - as He has already and prolifically expressed His will about these things across Scripture. What you need to pray for is the wisdom and strength to honor His directives.

[Fliegender]

...
You're really attempting to back this biblically?

From a biblical perspective:

1. Marriage is between a man and a woman.
2. A couple is wed by God (Adam and Eve) or,
3. through sexual intimacy (see Dt21:10-14) or,
4. through some event (an agreement, a political arrangement or a ceremony).

Whatever married, consenting adults do behind closed doors is none of my business.

I see you left some pertinent info out, and twisted some scripture to fit your narrative.

You're responsible to God and to Annette, to give her the right counsel, not just what she wants to hear. You really need to pray about the advice you're giving her.

I didn’t leave any pertinent information out. I stated my case succinctly in the interest of brevity. I’m not into long winded explanations which confuse everyone. You can look up “marriage” and “wedding” in a Scripture syntopicon or dictionary and find out for yourself. Anyway, Ms Vauxhall has yet to weigh in on our posts. Maybe she’s in the hospital after repeated beatings?

Who’s Anette?

[Storyteller]

I have made a promise, in front of God, just fooz and I that I am commiting to him. I am married to him in my soul.
Everything we do is consensual.

I posted about my faith on a kink forum and got a lot of positive feedback.

Show me how bdsm is wrong.
Show me how communicating with, discussing boundaries, enjoying each other, looking after each other is wrong.

I don't believe bdsm is a sin. Anymore than sex is.
I do believe I am married to fooz. Maybe not legally, yet.

So I don't believe I am on a slippery slope into sin and darkness.

[Nessa]

Then you really are deluded and whatever you are seeking is not the truth.

That's why it would be foolish to keep engaging in this conversation with you so I won't.

There's no slippery slope here, you are already at the bottom of the slide and just can't see it.

God bless you.