Storyteller wrote: ↑Mon Oct 21, 2019 10:25 amOf course it hurts. This is a testing time for you but it wouldn't be much of a test if it wasnt hard, would it?Nicki wrote: ↑Mon Oct 21, 2019 7:06 am Thanks, Rick and Annette - that's the risk I take posting on an open forum though. Some things have to be taken with a grain of salt. Anyway, things were no better today I'm feeling as if I haven't got very far in life, when I'm getting all upset again over the way someone's treating me at work or something (I worked with a guy 15-20 years ago whom I ended up having a lot of arguments with). It's pretty painful when I hear him talking to others, joking and so on, and when we're up the front to watch a demonstration and I can see him properly, and think of how we used to smile at each other sometimes about things. Of course I bump into him around the kitchen a bit as well. Maybe I have to give him space but it hurts a lot in the meantime.
This guy isnt the answer Nicki.
Thanks - you're probably right. I just feel I've been through so much hurt in my life, being a sensitive person - right now I'm wishing I could cut out my heart and replace it with a tougher one. Another thing that happened in my past was, before I had that job I did a different one-year course where one of the other young women ended up not speaking to me (because I was upset that she yelled at me over nothing - my commenting on something in the newspaper) and, while I thought I'd made friends on the course, including a guy I especially liked with the same name as the one on my current course, and we exchanged some details at the end, I never heard from any of them again. So when I met the current guy I thought, OK, it's going to go better this time - I can't believe it's ended up so, so bad already and we still have most of the course to go
It didn't help that it was a rough day at the course yesterday - there was lots to do, I was finding it hard to go fast and I ended up finishing late. Also I haven't been sleeping well - sometimes it takes me a while to work out all the reasons I'm feeling crappy But I'm feeling like a pathetic, awful, useless person in general. I've tried to be pretty kind and helpful on the course - well, I didn't have to try too hard because I liked it and felt I was doing what I should be doing. Some people seemed to appreciate it somewhat, but one person doesn't seem to care about it, which puts me off; it makes me wonder if people are thinking I'm only doing it to be liked (that's definitely part of my motivation), but I want to keep trying to be good to people because it's the right thing to do.