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Gman
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Post by Gman »

Judah wrote:It is a fairly common complaint that when one eats beans, one may suffer a little flatulence later. The "music" to follow would be the cacophony of sound from these human wind instruments.
:lol: I know this my be a goof but I'm glad you said it Judah... I think it made me laugh more than the bloopers.. I wonder how our human wind instruments would fair with the 1812 Overture... :roll: :P :shock:
The heart cannot rejoice in what the mind rejects as false - Galileo

We learn from history that we do not learn from history - Georg Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. -Philippians 4:8
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Judah
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Post by Judah »

Gman wrote:
Judah wrote:It is a fairly common complaint that when one eats beans, one may suffer a little flatulence later. The "music" to follow would be the cacophony of sound from these human wind instruments.
:lol: I know this my be a goof but I'm glad you said it Judah... I think it made me laugh more than the bloopers.. I wonder how our human wind instruments would fair with the 1812 Overture... :roll: :P :shock:
Well, let's be quite frank about this... if a real canon is used then the whiff of caudite gives it a vague chance of catching up, but otherwise the human wind instruments would likely make more of an impression on more of the senses.

But on the other hand, having just walked in the door from a magnificent performance of Vadim Repin playing Sibelius' violin concerto with the NZ Symphony Orchestra this evening, I don't think by comparison such rudimentary apparatus as one's back end dealing with a bowl of beans quite makes the grade - not even pitted against a canon from the over-played 1812.

What's your learned opinion, Gman? 8)
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Canuckster1127
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Post by Canuckster1127 »

The Joy of Farting

We act as if it's truly rare
To just lean back, and expel air

And then we ostracize the schmuck
Who dares to step upon a duck

We roll our eyes in shocked dismay
Whenever someone's butt may bray

When truth be told, we all may pass
A little surreptitious gas

For debutant or an old geezer
Have all ripped a royal cheeser

We drop the rose and scurry on
And snicker when the frown is drawn

Yet who among us can declare
They've never passed some rancid air?

That house of glass still surely stands
For one whose derriere is bland

So put aside this false bravado
And stock yourself on avocado!

Eat broccoli and cauliflower
Beans and cabbage by the hour!

Drink your beer and carbonation
Vent your bowels throughout the nation!

Don't hold it in and bear the pain!
Let methane fly and darn the shame!

Shout it strong and shout it loud!
I can FART and I am PROUD!

But if you feel there's too much gas
Remember that this too will "pass"

Bart Breen 7-17-2001
Dogmatism is the comfortable intellectual framework of self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is more decadent than the worst sexual sin. ~ Dan Allender
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Judah
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Post by Judah »

Whatthe? !! :shock:

Now listen hear my friend Bart
Just eat your beans and don't be smart
The gas was there right from the start
Twas not the beans that caused the fart
But just the horse behind the cart

:roll:

(28-10-2006)
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Canuckster1127
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Post by Canuckster1127 »

I was a poet
and you didn't even know it ..... ;) :lol:
Dogmatism is the comfortable intellectual framework of self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is more decadent than the worst sexual sin. ~ Dan Allender
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Judah
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Post by Judah »

Yes, you said before that you wrote poetry.

But I want to know...
However do you make "gas" and "pass" rhyme with each other?
Whatever weird kind of accent do you have? :P
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Canuckster1127
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Post by Canuckster1127 »

Judah wrote:Yes, you said before that you wrote poetry.

But I want to know...
However do you make "gas" and "pass" rhyme with each other?
Whatever weird kind of accent do you have? :P
You Kiwis. When are we ever going to teach you how to talk properly?!?

:?
Dogmatism is the comfortable intellectual framework of self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is more decadent than the worst sexual sin. ~ Dan Allender
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Turgonian
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Post by Turgonian »

It was a very Christian poem you just posted... The point about the fleetingness of all that exists awoke very religious feelings in me. :lol:
The Bible says they were "willingly ignorant". In the Greek, this means "be dumb on purpose". (Kent Hovind)
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Canuckster1127
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Post by Canuckster1127 »

Dust in the "wind ..... All we are is dust in the wind .....
Dogmatism is the comfortable intellectual framework of self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is more decadent than the worst sexual sin. ~ Dan Allender
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FFC
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Post by FFC »

Judah wrote:Yes, you said before that you wrote poetry.

But I want to know...
However do you make "gas" and "pass" rhyme with each other?
Whatever weird kind of accent do you have? :P
You need to come to Philadelphia, Judah. 8)
"Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible." - Corrie Ten Boom

Act 9:6
And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?
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Judah
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Post by Judah »

I've been to Philadelphia, FFC. You all speak funny. :P

Oh no, watch out everyone! :shock:
Turgy's religious feelings have been awoken.

Captain Canuck, not so much dust in the wind.
Your poem was more about wind in the dust... :D

Anyway, I still like bloopers #3 and #8 the best.
Has anyone got any more of them?
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Gman
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Post by Gman »

Let's not forget the following classic...

Beans, beans, musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So let's eat beans for every meal!

:P
The heart cannot rejoice in what the mind rejects as false - Galileo

We learn from history that we do not learn from history - Georg Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. -Philippians 4:8
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Judah
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Post by Judah »

Beans? Beans! I think I'll scoot
The more you eat, the more you'll toot
The more you toot, the worse I'll feel
No beans near me, and that's for real !

Turgy, are you sure you understand that blooper now? :wink:
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Turgonian
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Post by Turgonian »

Yes, dear Judah, I do. And having some poetic experience myself, I will add my own contribution to this thread.

Voice from behind

Falter, my son, for the stenches,
Avoiding the horror of old;
Raging, the body unclenches
Tenuous hold.

Fenji, no man of remorse,
Assailed, bared his butt (dreadful stance!)
Records he broke with his force:
Tibet to France.

Fending themselves dropped his foemen,
And Fenji, who saw them prostrate,
Ruthlessly called to his bowmen:
Terrible fate!

Fear that which issues per anum,
Aromas that rise from the rear;
Rather than yielding, constrain 'em
Tightly, and fear!

Foods may be harmful down under:
Alas that I ever ate beans!
Restively, winds blew with thunder,
Tearing my jeans!

Farting will scatter the wenches,
As wolves bearing down on the fold;
Roaring, the body unclenches
Tenuous hold.
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Judah
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Post by Judah »

Well, Turgonian Tarcil Zephonite,
and glad to be!...
Your talent though your tender age
spills even into poetry!...
But when it comes to clenching
please take no affrontery
Your tenuous hold needs strengthening
to keep your pure sweet pedigree

:wink:
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