What's it like?

Enigma7457 · Post by **Enigma7457** » Thu May 10, 2007 1:08 pm

I have a question. I dated the same girl all through high school and married her when i was twenty (two months before i was legal to drink, though i don't). I am now only 22, we have adopted her nine year old brother, who is bipolar, and he lives with us as well.

Quite a list of adult accomplishments for a 22 year old. But, now my question. I have never been a single adult and i sometimes wonder, what's it like? Is it any fun? I sometimes get a little overwhelmed. DOn't get me wrong, i love my wife with all i am and would never consider leaving her. I just want to know. I see my single friends and all i can think is drama. THey drive me CRAZY. IT doesn't help that they're all..you know...more open-minded than i. So, i gotta know, is it any fun? (not the 'open-minded' part, the single part. Single or not, i'm not 'open-minded' [and by 'open-minded' i mean permiscuous, i just don't know how to spell it.].)
(Someone had better tell me it stinks to be single or i'll scream)

FFC · Post by **FFC** » Thu May 10, 2007 2:29 pm

I'm single and I wouldn't say it stinks, but it does get lonely, and sometimes I wonder if I will die alone because I've never had children...how's that for depressing. On the other side I don't have to answer to anybody but God. I have freedom and can make my own decisions if I want to.

Swamper · Post by **Swamper** » Thu May 10, 2007 3:04 pm

I'm single and I hate it. I've only had one girlfriend ever, and now I wish I hadn't dated her, but there's no way I could stand to be single my whole life.

So yeah, being single isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Enigma7457 · Post by **Enigma7457** » Thu May 10, 2007 3:11 pm

thanks guys. Helpful.

the other side I don't have to answer to anybody but God

You make is sound like i answer to my wife....

Okay, i do

I read somewhere that women make 80% of the financial decisions in a household (like what car to buy, where to go on vacation). Pretty interesting.
I'm the head of my house, but my wife is the neck and can turn the head whichever way she wants.

zoegirl · Post by **zoegirl** » Thu May 10, 2007 3:13 pm

Single...not liking it. Resting in and trusting in God's plan
Will write more later.

Enigma7457 · Post by **Enigma7457** » Thu May 10, 2007 3:20 pm

sometimes I wonder if I will die alone because I've never had children...how's that for depressing

I adopted a nine-year old a few months after i got married. So much for newly weds...not as depressing, but still there.

zoegirl · Post by **zoegirl** » Thu May 10, 2007 5:04 pm

YOu know, be careful about envying your friends. You have already stated that they are more promiscuous. That freedom that you have observed is not really what a Christian single is called to be.

In reality, bEing a single Christian is terribly challenging....you are called to be chaste, celibate....there is no getting around that the lack of physical affection and intimacy, not to mention intellectual, emotional, and especially spiritual intimacy with another person tugs at the very nature of who we are. There is nothing wrong with this desire and yet have been called for a time (or maybe for the rest of our lives) to never have these desires fulfilled.

In my more mature moments, I can reasonably and maturely say to God and truthfully say "Thy will be done". I have an enormously fulfilling job, respected by my peers, I have pursued my goals and completed a Master's, bought a house, I have a wonderful family...God has been incredibly good to me. And then such a simple thing like being in church and watching the man in front of me put his arm around his wife? That alone can, in weak moments, set me back. I am back to asking the most elemental questions out there...."Why?" "What's wrong with me?" "What should I do?"

36 and single....when you are in your early twenties, there is that part of you that says "Oh, it will happen, and you content yourself with that..." "Surely before 30..." Now when 40 is looming!!??

And married Christians sometimes say the most horrid things.

"Maybe God simply wants you to tackle some sin in your life"
"You must not be praying enough..."
"You must not be trusting God enough"
"YOu must put yourself out in the scene more" OR the then confusing
"Don't appear too eager"
"Be yourself" but "You must be intimidating to men"
"Get involved with groups at church, you will have have those relational needs filled there" (not doubting that completely, but who in the world equates friendship with the type of relationship described in Song of Solomon "you ravish my heart with just one glance"?)
"You must not be delighting yourself in the LOrd, or surely He would be giving you the desires of your heart."

Not to mention those pesky sermons when the pastor decides to focus of some aspect of married life....I had one pastor who decided to do a series on the Song of Solomon....for over six months! Talk about teasing the singles!

Hope that helps

IS it fun? Maybe in the twenties...

B. W. · Post by **B. W.** » Thu May 10, 2007 5:36 pm

Enigma7457 wrote:I have a question. I dated the same girl all through high school and married her when i was twenty (two months before i was legal to drink, though i don't). I am now only 22, we have adopted her nine year old brother, who is bipolar, and he lives with us as well.

Quite a list of adult accomplishments for a 22 year old. But, now my question. I have never been a single adult and i sometimes wonder, what's it like? Is it any fun? I sometimes get a little overwhelmed. DOn't get me wrong, i love my wife with all i am and would never consider leaving her. I just want to know. I see my single friends and all i can think is drama. THey drive me CRAZY. IT doesn't help that they're all..you know...more open-minded than i. So, i gotta know, is it any fun? (not the 'open-minded' part, the single part. Single or not, i'm not 'open-minded' [and by 'open-minded' i mean permiscuous, i just don't know how to spell it.].)
(Someone had better tell me it stinks to be single or i'll scream)

The first year or three can be the roughest being married. I've been married for 19 years going on 20 this June. Being single does stink...

You learn to gel with each other over time. Here are a few tips:

Avoid being selfish. Learn to be wrong when right. Discuss and debate but not argue to just win. Share the bills — share the bank accounts. Give each other space when needed. Respect, love, grow, and most importantly — laugh!

Now — with Bi-Polar brother — you will have your hands full. Is there an organization like the one I work at in your local area that can help?

See website for where I work for more Details —

http://www.foothillsgateway.org/

After working many trying years in Community Corrections, it is sure nice to change jobs and work where I do now! Great place to work!
-
-

Gman · Post by **Gman** » Thu May 10, 2007 7:17 pm

FFC wrote:I'm single and I wouldn't say it stinks, but it does get lonely, and sometimes I wonder if I will die alone because I've never had children...how's that for depressing. On the other side I don't have to answer to anybody but God. I have freedom and can make my own decisions if I want to.

Same boat as FFC, plus we are both in our 40's... I've always wanted a stable life and I've got that... But now I wonder if I've made it too stable. Almost a "safe" stable...

bizzt · Post by **bizzt** » Thu May 10, 2007 7:22 pm

Zoe meet FFC and Gman

Anyways I have been married for about 7 years now and been with my wonderful wife for about 10. It is awesome. Of course it has its hardships but it is worth it!

Anyways take care

Blessings

Gman · Post by **Gman** » Thu May 10, 2007 8:21 pm

bizzt wrote:Zoe meet FFC and Gman

Anyways I have been married for about 7 years now and been with my wonderful wife for about 10. It is awesome. Of course it has its hardships but it is worth it!

Anyways take care

Blessings

Oh a match maker now are we?

Enigma7457 · Post by **Enigma7457** » Fri May 11, 2007 5:42 am

Thanks for the answers. I'm spoiled too, zoe. God was definately good to me. Never been with anyone but my wife and can't see how i could. The only thing i look into singles and see is the freedom of responsibility (probably not even true). No wife, no kid, no stinkin' cats (i hate her cats, i want a German Shephard).

We don't have any real marital problems (we've shared a bank account since we were old to enough to have bank accounts). And i'm always wrong

Okay, not really. We compromise and i think we're both pretty mature for our age. (I work at a hearing center with all my co-workers being over 50. I see more eye to eye with them than i do with my twenty-something friends).

Now — with Bi-Polar brother — you will have your hands full. Is there an organization like the one I work at in your local area that can help?

Not sure. To be honest, i don't think he's bipolar. he and my wife were both adopted and he wasn't exactly taken care of (hence why he is with us). His younger biological brother still lives with their mom (adopted mom) and he's a spoiled brat. So Josh (my son/brother) sees that and...well you can imagine.

Anyway, when we got him he was on all kinds of medicines. Been a little over six months now and we've cut it in half. Hoping to get rid of it completely. But he sometimes asks questions like, "Why didn't mom want me," and , "If i was a better boy would she have kept me?"

Tears me up. I don't know how to answer it. Not allowed to say the truth, "Your moms a loser." I gotta keep dodging it. And he's not a bad kid. He's a little rambunctious (spelling) but what nine year old isn't?

Phew... I guess i needed to vent...

bizzt · Post by **bizzt** » Fri May 11, 2007 7:41 am

Gman wrote:
bizzt wrote:Zoe meet FFC and Gman

Anyways I have been married for about 7 years now and been with my wonderful wife for about 10. It is awesome. Of course it has its hardships but it is worth it!

Anyways take care

Blessings
Oh a match maker now are we?

Get with the Times GMAN

Internet Match Making is the way to go

andyredeemed · Post by **andyredeemed** » Fri May 11, 2007 7:49 am

Ooh! I know something about this topic. I've been married for 16 years now. I was single and on my own for about three years before I met my missus. Being married is great, but it takes a lot of hard work and you learn a bit about "laying down your life", since you can't simply do the things you want to do. You have to learn to please your wife before yourself (no giggling now). and she has to learn the same. I have many single friends, some of them have decided to be celibate-either for a short period or as a permanent commitment to the kingdom, and those who have done so are generally happy, though they have struggles. The pull of natural desires is incredibly strong.if you are currently single, think of it as a time when you can commit yourself to God in a way you probably won't be able to manage when you marry. And be patient. God knows what you need (yes I know that's a terrible cliche, but it's still true). Bless you Enigma, you sound like a bloke with a big heart.

andyredeemed · Post by **andyredeemed** » Fri May 11, 2007 7:52 am

My father told me "if you ever have an argument with your wife, and it turns out you where right, apologize at once!".

Evidence for God from Science

What's it like?

Better Single or Married?

What's it like?

Re: What's it like?