feeling depressed, sad, need some help...

[madscientist]

Well... so here it is. Thought i could deal it all by myself but realized I'm getting nowhere .

For some time i had some depressions. feeling bad. demotivated. felt like all i do, all i suffer for is useless. The point of life. And all that. I pray etc but did not talk to anyone about this depression. A while ago it got quite bad. Yet I am hoping it all gets better. I have no close friends here - so pretty much all the stress and struggle remains locked within me, causing frustration. And internal anger and depression. I do things because I have to. At times all i do seems absurd. I believe in God and believe the ultimate purpose of this life is salvation, not struggling to make a career etc. But still - I must have some ambitions in life which i want to follow. And enjoy it in the way people want me and I and God wants me to.

The fact is that once someone feels this way - EVERYTHING seems purposeless. i dont enjoy music I used to, do not enjoy talking to people i normally used to, do not enjoy eating food I used to, do not enjoy living, breathing, being here. I even try to pray but my mind shifts elsewhere. I try but just cannot concentrate. But once something happens in my brain and it all switches - everything seems to be good, purposeful, feel like I have a reason to live, I want to do new things, go for a walk, hike, go ob bike, listen to music, see movies etc. It's all in the brain. Psychology. Neurones. Hormones. Chemical substances. Brain chemistry!! We can't choose our mood. It is influenced by our environment...

Now is the time to choose my future - career, universities. i live away from my family and am on my last year of high school. As I am struggling with the choice, I ask myself what course would be the best for me. I have more areas of interest. I (think) I also like debating like this forum - would philosophy be good for me? I'm considering biochemistry with something but also am thinking about psychology as I think it would help me greatly - others and me as well, both for future career and as in my own life. I don't want to choose something I will regret. my name may suggest i love science but... i don't think scientific research is really for me!! I'm thinking about my future in different terms. Moreover, finance problems mean I may not be able to afford it where I intend to go (UK). The other possibility is my home country which I could afford with no problem but the university does not rank within the first thousands good unis in the world. In a way I think it would be better if i stayed in my home country (Slovakia, or neighboring Czech Republic). I'd be with my family (cousins etc), so close to my old friends. Much closer than I would be in UK. and i don't know why but i feel like I'd be more social in SK/CZ. It is true I am a person who finds it hard to make new friends, socialize etc. i cant stand being in front of people and presenting. it makes me stutter often and feel embarrassed. so i'm worried this problem of speech fluency would lead me to being embarrassed and suffering. NOT worth it for my studies, I can certainly say that!! I'm seeking help somewhere. Not many people know I struggle with this even at school. At times it makes me feel i should give it all up...
It is my character; it has been so - that's how I'm made. And i stress a lot - A LOT!! about new situations, new places etc. It takes me time to accommodate etc... - the question is should I try to go to UK and try it or give it up?

Of course I ask God for help. But still it seems that the trials are too hard. The problem is I always ask myself "what's the point of that? school, career, life" and regret I cannot have an easier life, without so much less duties and less stress but be happier. Or am I just being idealistic?

Feels like I said a lot but I hope someone will understand me... I can't just keep all the struggle with me. I hoped it would stop but no, it has not. I take no drugs, nothing, no drinking, smoking etc try to lead a clean and honest life. But even so it feels like I'm getting nowhere.
I did not have time and will to tell about it to anyone. not close friends here... So i hope God inspires someone will be able to help...

Hope it's not too heavy to read. We all have problems I believe but the real problem is if they stay in the person and nothing gets done about it...

Could you please pray for me and/or try to give me some advice/opinion on all this?
Thank you very much. God bless.

[FFC]

Hi Mad,
I understand what you are going through. I get so depressed sometimes. For me I start looking at myself and begin to obsess about what I've done with my life and whether I will ever really make a difference. Whether I really even matter in the whole scheme of things. It is very hard when your fears begin to turn inward and seem like a reality to you when they really are not.

Intellectually we know that with God there is always hope and even when we don't know what is going on with our lives we can be sure that He does and only wants what is best for us.

There can be so many reasons for depression. Not eating and sleeping right, stressing over things, letting fear get the best of us, holding onto grudges or unforgiveness, etc...all of the above....or maybe just a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be treated with antidepressants.

For me it is a natural inclination to be negative. :O

Mad, If this has been going on for a long time it may be prudent to discuss this with a physician and see what he thinks.

I do know one thing that helps is discussing this with people who care and understand as we do here.

You are in my prayers. May God grant you joy and contentment in the coming days!

John
aka FFC

[Enigma7457]

My wife struggled with the same sort of depression. All she wanted to do was sleep all the time. What i found (at least for her) is that talking to me helped a lot. I don't mean me, exactly, but just talking.

I think you took the right step in posting here. Now i think you need to find someone one on one (ie a friend, parent, family member, pastor, whoever you feel comfortable with).

I am praying for you.

[madscientist]

Thanks for your prayers & responses. It is hard at times. But sometimes i feel i have this bad depressions pretty much constantly and it is only varied with a few precious moments of joy rather than on the opposite. I feel so jealous - not in a bad way - when i see people who are the exact opposite of me - always in good mood, never stress, never are unhappy. And some of them are not even christians!! They dont know who Christ is yet they dont go through all this suffering and depression. If God is really what brings joy... then where is it? Does God mean joy in long or short run? Why can't i have the personality of such people too?????!!!
As for unis - still need to make a choice. still struggling what would be the best for me...

yes people often say i think negative. Because I am rarely in good or excellent mood. I think at times I do as I don't really see the purpose of complicating the life. Doing all those purposeless things. And i worry a lot about things and stress. I can't even explain why but my heart starts to beat faster, I feel stressed etc. Mainly when having to speak in front of people... due to reasons i mentioned in post above.
And it's all this that makes me wonder what is it all good for; whether it wouldn't have been simpler if i were someone incapable of studying etc - there would have been less stress. People say higher education has a high value etc but i know people who end and find no jobs etc. or those who never study and have a calmer life. Less money, but happier and calmer. And then those who work like mad and are stressed the whole time. What is the thing i should rather choose?

I hope it all gets better. And quite soon as well!!

Thanks once again for prayers and answers...

[Enigma7457]

As for you feeling depressed and seeing other nonchristians happy, i think you should read up on Mother Theresa. Not sure if it has been released yet, but she wrote a series of letters where she felt the same way. She said that for the last many years (like twenty or thirty or forty) she did not feel God at all. Yet she still soldiered on.

I read it somewhere that the only purpose of this life is to prepare you for heaven. I have always kept that line close to my heart. Everything you do, remember that. Earth is a heavenly training ground.

I personally did not got to college. I am relatively smart and probably could have done well, but i did not go. (Okay, i did for about a month.) My point is this: I am happy. Not exactly rolling the dough, but happy. I have a decent job (9:30 to 6:00 everyday, then home to my wife), with a good boss, a great wife, a not so bad apartment. Nothing great, but nothing bad. I'm in the middle.

There is a verse somewhere when Paul talks about being content. I really like it. I'll try to find it and post it when i can. It hits home for me.

[FFC]

Mad,
Read this. You may find some comfort in it. It has the verse about being content in all things that Enigma mentioned.

http://fancherfamilyreligion.homestead. ... ontent.htm

[Enigma7457]

Philippians 4:11-13

11...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

12 I know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

One of my favorite verses. It keeps me going through the "hungry" and "in want" parts of my life. We have verse 13 posted all over the place in my office.

But many overlook the next verse:

14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

I like this, too. It helps remind me the need of fellowship, which i think is one of the first steps in dealing with a problem like sadness. Fellowship helps.

Praying for you,

Bryan

[madscientist]

Thanks for your replies.
Hm its hard to be content in all circumstances... seems impossible. Does content mean accepting whatever happens?

As for you feeling depressed and seeing other nonchristians happy, i think you should read up on Mother Theresa. Not sure if it has been released yet, but she wrote a series of letters where she felt the same way. She said that for the last many years (like twenty or thirty or forty) she did not feel God at all. Yet she still soldiered on.

She didnt feel Him? OK but she believed in Him didnt she? But she did not feel happy and like she was doing something good at all? And at the end did she feel Him? Did she feel like her life was going somewhere? that must have been bad, then, not feeling God...

I read it somewhere that the only purpose of this life is to prepare you for heaven. I have always kept that line close to my heart. Everything you do, remember that. Earth is a heavenly training ground.

haha purpose of the life... the never ending question!! Yes... i wish people understood!! Sometimes they make life harder for themselves. I seriously mean it - people, we, human beings, do things to make it harder. we follow rules. we think we are going to be better. so we make systems. we believe an ideal life is one where we marry, study, get a job, earn money, live well, go to parties, etc. Well i'd say - at least the nonchristians. Seems absurd. Yet the purpose is heaven - so why bother with those things?

I have a decent job (9:30 to 6:00 everyday, then home to my wife), with a good boss, a great wife, a not so bad apartment. Nothing great, but nothing bad. I'm in the middle.

I wish i could have a job like that!!! may i ask if u dont mind - what is it that your job involves? - not a bunch of stress out of working hours, does it? cos i know people who work like crazy, yet they only have stresses etc. That's how it is today. Yes have a job but not live for it.

I also started reading a book about "positive thinking". It talks about faith and how people who have faith can accomplish anuthing they want. well the person who wrote it is a believer. So i wonder if that could change my attitude etc. Believe i can change, get thinking positively and accomplish what i want? sounds like a cool idea!! only i hope i will be able to do it and God help me.

[Enigma7457]

She didnt feel Him? OK but she believed in Him didnt she? But she did not feel happy and like she was doing something good at all? And at the end did she feel Him? Did she feel like her life was going somewhere? that must have been bad, then, not feeling God...

Not sure if it's out yet, but i'm pretty sure they are putting together a book of her letters and memoirs (sp). She says that very soon after she began her ministry, she felt that she lost him completely. I've heard it called the long night, when someone fells that they lose Him. But, from what i understand, they normally feel reconnected shortly (day, week, month). She suffered through this for the last thirty or more years of her life. Wow.

so why bother with those things?

That's a good question.

]I wish i could have a job like that!!! may i ask if u dont mind - what is it that your job involves? - not a bunch of stress out of working hours, does it? cos i know people who work like crazy, yet they only have stresses etc. That's how it is today. Yes have a job but not live for it.

I usually don't work past those hours. I work at a hearing center helping hard of hearing people acquire hearing aids. It can be very stressful, mainly because of all the incorrect knowledge out there about hearing aids (that and the fact that many hearing centers don't mind ripping off old people, it puts a stigma on us).

Right not, we are going through a lot changes, so, yes, i am working late on some occasions. But i will never sacrifice my sanity to get ahead. It also helps that my boss is a powerful christian, so i know he will never attempt to use me.

Anyway, good luck with everything. I hope that God guides you in the right direction and that you follow.

[madscientist]

She suffered through this for the last thirty or more years of her life. Wow.

Hm that must have been bad. But she kept her faith, didnt she? and before her death - did she feel with God finally?

Anyway, good luck with everything. I hope that God guides you in the right direction and that you follow.

Thanks i hope that too and that depression and all that goes away soon.

[FFC]

I've heard it called "the dark night of the soul". It is a time when God can do a powerful work in us if we surrender to His will. Many followers of God have gone through it. People like Moses, Elijah, David, Solomon, The apostle Paul, etc...it's not fun but can be such a faith builder.

[Enigma7457]

I've heard it called "the dark night of the soul". It is a time when God can do a powerful work in us if we surrender to His will. Many followers of God have gone through it. People like Moses, Elijah, David, Solomon, The apostle Paul, etc...it's not fun but can be such a faith builder.

Yes, exactly what i was referring to. Thank you.

[madscientist]

is it a good or bad thing then? if we surrender do God's will is it good? and why it is "not fun"? is it something that the believer goes through but suffers a lot mentally? and do only certain people go through it? and after it's done 0 what happens? does the individual realize when he's going through it and does he realize after that he had just gone through? and does it happen only once in life or can happen constantly?
seems to be an interesting thing, dont think i had heard of it before...

[FFC]

is it a good or bad thing then? if we surrender do God's will is it good? and why it is "not fun"? is it something that the believer goes through but suffers a lot mentally? and do only certain people go through it? and after it's done 0 what happens? does the individual realize when he's going through it and does he realize after that he had just gone through? and does it happen only once in life or can happen constantly?
seems to be an interesting thing, dont think i had heard of it before...

Check this out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul