Somewhat Disturbing

[smileitscarleeX]

For me attending a public middle school is quite hard. There's so much cussing and... sexual actions that occur. Of course, I feel completely uncomfortable addressing this topic. About two weeks ago, I was sitting at lunch with a large group of friends when a boy, whom I have no classes with came and sat down across from me and my friend Aaron. He was quick to jump into our useless and... boring conversation. Literally out of the blue, he asked "if you masterbate, is that a sin". Of course, I was shocked by such a question. But then... the more I started thinking about it I realized that I didn't have an answer. The next day he sat with us again and asked the same question however, this time he added a few more details. In simple version he pretty much asked "if you have any physical (and sexual) contact with someone that doesn't involve intercourse is that a sin?" I was stumped. So I ask the same question. What is considered "sex"?
I just feel stuck on a question and I would like to tell this boy the correct answer.


(NOTE: I wouldn't even dream of doing ANY sexual actions until marriage.)

[zoegirl]

FIrst of all,

It sounds like you are a girl....(Carlee, yes?)

BE careful about developing relationships with those that are carefree and careless about the conversations. I worry about the fact that this person just happens to sit down and immediately starts such a candid conversation with you and your friends. Is your group of friends known to be Christian? Are these boys simply wanting a reaction? I had that happen to me in middle school in art class. THey knew I was a Christian and would deliberatley tell dirty jokes to me. I would be highly suspiciuous of those that come up to you right out of the blue and ask you such intimate questions.

My prayers go out to you in school, I get to see teenage interactions daily. I would encourage you to ask your mom or dad or pastor with these as well.

Some questions I would respond with...

Addressing the physical intimacy...do you regularly willingly and carelessly accept chewed gum or food from others and chew it? If that is so gross, then why are sexual intimacies accepted so willingly? THe fact of the matter is....one of the highest STD in the population right now is the Human Papiloma Virus (HPV) (genital warts), certain strains of which cause cervical cancers in women. These viruses are not spread by full intercourse but simply by genital contact. So the commonly accepted "alternatives" to sexual intercourse are just as dangerous medically. WE are called to be holy because we our bodies are temples for CHrist in our new relationship with Jesus.


Addressing the spiritual/emotional intimacy....

Sexual intimacy was created by God and as such it is right and proper and wonderful....but it was created for a monogamous committed relationship, marriage. Sex was God's idea but in His context, not ours. Adam and Eve were created to enjoy one another and you must understand that all of activities that these boys were blabbing about are really part of that physical intimacy designed for marriage. As such the vast majority would be included in the sexual intercourse category.

Some thoughts....who you mess around with will eventually be someone else's wife/husband. We are to hold each other up and love each other. Would we really by encouraging each other if we are trampling the hearts and health of one another's future spouses?

The habits we develop now in large part establish our behaviors later in life. The discipline we show now in large part shows us the discipline we will have later on. Someone who treats his/her body so carelessly....do we really trust that person? would we really be showing Christ that our bodies are His if we cannot control or WILL not control our desires?

Are we not more disciplined than animals?

SO WHAT?

So the maturity we show in our relationships is shown in the love and care we have for each other. A mature and loving person do not jeopardize the health of the other person...we are not loving that person and therefore we are sinning

A mature and loving Christian does not jeopardize the hearts of others. By tempting others or by manipulating them to do certain things, we are not showing that love and yes we are sinning.

For some, this does mean that they cannot handle even kissing, for it tempts them. And a wise Christian does not place himself or herself in situations that are dangerous.

Does this help?

[Markster106]

wait so is unwed sexual contact tolerable up to actual intercourse?

[smileitscarleeX]

FIrst of all,

It sounds like you are a girl....(Carlee, yes?)

BE careful about developing relationships with those that are carefree and careless about the conversations. I worry about the fact that this person just happens to sit down and immediately starts such a candid conversation with you and your friends. Is your group of friends known to be Christian? Are these boys simply wanting a reaction? I had that happen to me in middle school in art class. THey knew I was a Christian and would deliberatley tell dirty jokes to me. I would be highly suspiciuous of those that come up to you right out of the blue and ask you such intimate questions.

My prayers go out to you in school, I get to see teenage interactions daily. I would encourage you to ask your mom or dad or pastor with these as well.

Some questions I would respond with...

Addressing the physical intimacy...do you regularly willingly and carelessly accept chewed gum or food from others and chew it? If that is so gross, then why are sexual intimacies accepted so willingly? THe fact of the matter is....one of the highest STD in the population right now is the Human Papiloma Virus (HPV) (genital warts), certain strains of which cause cervical cancers in women. These viruses are not spread by full intercourse but simply by genital contact. So the commonly accepted "alternatives" to sexual intercourse are just as dangerous medically. WE are called to be holy because we our bodies are temples for CHrist in our new relationship with Jesus.


Addressing the spiritual/emotional intimacy....

Sexual intimacy was created by God and as such it is right and proper and wonderful....but it was created for a monogamous committed relationship, marriage. Sex was God's idea but in His context, not ours. Adam and Eve were created to enjoy one another and you must understand that all of activities that these boys were blabbing about are really part of that physical intimacy designed for marriage. As such the vast majority would be included in the sexual intercourse category.

Some thoughts....who you mess around with will eventually be someone else's wife/husband. We are to hold each other up and love each other. Would we really by encouraging each other if we are trampling the hearts and health of one another's future spouses?

The habits we develop now in large part establish our behaviors later in life. The discipline we show now in large part shows us the discipline we will have later on. Someone who treats his/her body so carelessly....do we really trust that person? would we really be showing Christ that our bodies are His if we cannot control or WILL not control our desires?

Are we not more disciplined than animals?

SO WHAT?

So the maturity we show in our relationships is shown in the love and care we have for each other. A mature and loving person do not jeopardize the health of the other person...we are not loving that person and therefore we are sinning

A mature and loving Christian does not jeopardize the hearts of others. By tempting others or by manipulating them to do certain things, we are not showing that love and yes we are sinning.

For some, this does mean that they cannot handle even kissing, for it tempts them. And a wise Christian does not place himself or herself in situations that are dangerous.

Does this help?

This is an amazing answer. It's everything I was hoping to find. Thank you for all your help!!
I will be certain to be careful and continue to stay cautioned about who I allow in my life.
Oh, and for the most part, yes I can say that my friends are Christians. However, I live
in an area where there are so many different cultures that it is honestly hard to find a large group of Christians (mainly in Middle School). On the other hand, I do have a few friends who are of the Muslum (wrong spelling) religion.
Anyways, I thank you so much for your prayers and answers!
God Bless
-Carlee

[zoegirl]

wait so is unwed sexual contact tolerable up to actual intercourse?

No,

it is unwise from a health standpoint

It is unwise from an emotional standpoint

And the vast majority of it reflects selfishness on one partner and certainly does not reflect wisdom and maturity.

Reread my answer

[Markster106]

wait so is unwed sexual contact tolerable up to actual intercourse?

No,

it is unwise from a health standpoint

It is unwise from an emotional standpoint

And the vast majority of it reflects selfishness on one partner and certainly does not reflect wisdom and maturity.

Reread my answer

what are you talking about? sex isn't dangerous if you act smart and take the necessary precautions such as wearing a condom and getting tested for STDs before having intercourse.

and no, you don't have to be selfish to have sex. what if both parties want sex?

[zoegirl]

wait so is unwed sexual contact tolerable up to actual intercourse?

No,

it is unwise from a health standpoint

It is unwise from an emotional standpoint

And the vast majority of it reflects selfishness on one partner and certainly does not reflect wisdom and maturity.

Reread my answer

what are you talking about? sex isn't dangerous if you act smart and take the necessary precautions such as wearing a condom and getting tested for STDs before having intercourse.

and no, you don't have to be selfish to have sex. what if both parties want sex?

Did you even bother to read my previou post? HPV is a virus transmitted through skin to skin contact, not sexual fluids....you do not have to have intercourse to spread it, simply genital contact.

Testing does not always test positive...

many STDs in men don't show symptoms....would you be willing to risk the health of your partner because you *think* you haven't caught anything? (even in women, often STD's aren't diagnosed, and this can turn into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, infecting the entirety fo the female reproductive organs, potentially causing women to be infertile.) Glad to know you're willing to risk all of this for a moment's activity...

Condoms are not always foolproof.

Herpes can spread even though you are not actively showing symptoms...are you willing to risk infection and thus be committed to always wearing a condom?

And there is always the rosk of pregnancy. Between my sister-in-law and myself, we can list any contraceptive and identify a woman for whom this method has failed. ALL contraceptives have failure rates. So yes, in a casual sexual encounter, sex is inherently selfish, willing to risk consequences for a momentary pleasure.

Yes, often physical intimacy is selfish. You should think about the other person and protect their heart and their emotions. Look at it this way...relationships are emotional, intimate affairs...what you do in a relationship causes attachments and breaking up causes emotional scarring. Because physical intimacy deepens these attachments, breaking up scars more. This happens more with women, perhaps, than with men, but in either case this is true.

You say that both partners might want to have sex, and while that may be true, a mature person, a thoughtful person, looks for the future and understands that this relationship may not last. That other person may not recover as easily as you might be able to recover emotionally. The maturity and thoughtfulness a person shows is reflected in how much they consider the other person in the relationship.

Besides which, sexual intimacy is just that, intimacy....think about it using the following analogy....your deepest thoughts and emotions and vulnerabilites on paper...that part of you that you trust only to friends...given to anybody and everybody without thought. Casual sex, even if both partners are willing, is like that....being vulnerable to a person who may not have your best interests at heart.

Physical intimacy, whether intercourse or not, should be treated as something immensely special, reserved for those we trust (I mean, good grief, your own description of a life always wondering if that partner or this partner is clean/trustworthy/caring/ committed sends shivers down my spine....why would you be willing or even want to go through that risk, emotional, physical, and spiritual?)

Even if you could have a super-condom, we would still insist on the uniquenss of physical intimacy demanding a committed relationship. Scripture shows the mandate set in Genesis...people may have trampled on that (if I may anticipate an objection that there were those in scripture violated this, they were in the wrong and much trouble came from this polygamy)

Sad to say that in this culture, we value the momentary pleasure found in sexual intacy too highly and value the personal consequences too low. We are becoming a jaded society who then doen't value this at all. Like gluttons who are overfed, we have become a society who has forgotten how special and unique physical intimacy is.

And lest you think I know not what I speak, I am 37 and single and remain chaste (didn't say that I don't struggle with that)...that day that I am married, if that day comes, my body will be for him...and no other will have known it....wouldn't you want your future spouse to have given you that sort of consideration?