Broken Relationship

[samkautz]

Hey guys,

Well, it's a very long story so I'll try to say whats neccesary. I have been dating my girlfriend April for almost four years. We met when we were younger, about 17, and have been in love for quite awhile now. Until recentey she told me she otherwise. We had a rather large argument in early january of this year. I and her family traveled to New York for New Years. It whent well until the second to last day. Again, it's a longer story but we argude about me over hearing her talking neggativly about me to her family. She felt I made a rude gesture about something her and the family were watching (they are big football fans, I dislike the team they were pulling for). Sounds like something small. But I was hurt by over hearing this. I left the room and returned hours later after no call, no attempt at comunication, to them asleep. Very awkward. We argude and she said if things didn't get better she thought it would be over. Well this scared me of course. Although I felt I was not all in the wrong I decided to look ahead and try and change my attitude and outlook on some things. All whent very well until mid April. She starting saying she felt wierd but it wasn't me, stress from work and she was struggling with school. And then we had a small argument about her working so much and it fell apart from there. Again it's a long story to try and keep interest held in for very long so there are things left out. I had my problems as well. But I love her so much. I have been praying for her for years and felt led to be with her. We have talked about marriege and spending our lifes together. It sounds like the same old story but it is very hard. She has told me she doesn't want to give me falls hope by saying she still loves me after still saying it for awhile. But she told me she felt like she couldn't see herself with anyone else and possibly needed some time alone. Then days later stopped talking to me and I text her and she asked me to "please stop texting me". I have had to learn alot and haven't always been the perfect boyfriend. But I have lover her with all my heart. I feel so lonely without her, she was my best friend, my soul mate, I love her still so much. I know it's hard to understand but I pray that if it really is His will I would know what to do. I still feel inside we are meant for one another. I recentley have felt we will be ok someday. This happened once after we had been dating almost a year. She decided to see other people and we were apart for a few months. She came back, we talked and fell in love after that. So its really hard again. She won't talk, reply to text of calls. She said she loves me but isn't IN love. I don't think people fall OUT of love but i dont know what to think right now. Everyone feels something different about it. I ask for prayer for the entire situation. I will always love her. I just don't know what to do now...

[zoegirl]

Wow, deja vu...I will be praying for you. 4 years is a long time.

I had something like this happen to me. Both with a boyfriend some years ago and with a close friend three years ago.

So please take this knowing that I have gone through this. It absolutely sucks to have a relationship end when you don't want it to. So you can benefit from the gargantuan mistakes I made

Two things I have found to be true. The first one I found from doing exactly the opposite and gettting hurt in the process.

Distance yourself and make a clean break. All the signs point to the fact that she doesn't want to continue. I would have an honest talk with her. MAke sure she knows that you are sad over the break up and will pray for her but will not continue in the relationship. No good will come from trying to maintain a friendship with her (of course remain civil, but DO NOT become a friend in the sense of holding her confidances. ) Oftentimes this is what becomes tortuous for the one who still wants the relationship. You become the friend and yet it tears your heart to have her not wanting the relationship. And it is immensely unfair for you to have an emotional investment in her while she is wanting to look elsewhere. Far more healthier to make a clean break.

And secondly but more importantly, PRAY PRAY PRAY, every time you think of her, PRAY. Every time you miss her, PRAY. Every time. I am serious here. You will be walking down the street and it will just hit you right in the gut, that awful physical side of missing her. PRay.... God wants you, all of your sadness, sorrow, loneliness, even anger....pray.... It will deepen your relationhsip with God, distract you, and keep you on solid ground with Christ. There were times when I would be walking my dog and I would be repeating my prayers over and over "I miss him, help me, Thank you for your steadfast love and I am praying for him...." with variations on that theme. But I cannot stress to you how helpful this has been for me.

Believe me. I understand and will be praying for you. KNow also that IF God wants you to be with her, nothing can keep that from happening. HOWEVER, YOU CANNOT live as her friend and heal your heart. Break away.