Sex within marriage

[Harry12345]

If there's one thing Christians agree with, it's that sex is only persmissable within marriage. All other issues (when are a couple 'married', same sex marriage, whether or not marriage has to be consummated, whether 'feeling married' is enough etc.) are all centred around this basic premise.

But what exactly is allowed and forbidden within marriage? What do you guys think of the following issues (within marriage)?

Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Annilingus
Anal Sex
Mutal Masturbation
Sex Toys
Contraception
BDSM

I personally think all are okay. As long as both husband and wife are consenting and proper precaution is taken (in the case of annilingus and anal sex) then it's not sinful. "To the pure, all things are pure." I also believe you are married when the government says you're married (Christians have to obey the laws of the land, and since the laws say that the government sanctions marriage, then we must comply). I do not belive 'feeling married' is enough.

I also have an issue with masturbation. I personally belive masturbation is wrong (although goodness knows I stuggle!), but mutual masturbation within marriage isn't, since it satisfies the 'one man, one women within marriage' criteria. However, I'm not sure where you draw the line.

Masturbating on your own.
Masturbating whilst fantasising about your spouse.
Masturbating whilst your spouse is watching you, gaining pleasure.
Letting your spouse stimulate you.

Obiously, with each one of the scenarios above, the person's spouse becomes more and more integrated into the act... but where do you draw the line between sinful masturbation and sinless masturbation?

As a side note, check out this site! I don't agree with much of what it says, except oral, anal and BDSM:
http://sexinchrist.com

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

But what exactly is allowed and forbidden within marriage? What do you guys think of the following issues (within marriage)?FellatioCunnilingusAnnilingusAnal SexMutal MasturbationSex ToysContraceptionBDSM

Yeah...I also think that marriage is made up of a lot of other moments, like shopping together, laughing at a funny movie, having a candlelit supper just anytime, choosing a bottle of fancy wine for a special occasion, painting a fence together, golfing (I hate golf!) with my wife because she likes it, paying the plumber $350 to work 20 minutes, talking with my son's girlfriend, planning a vacation together, paying the mortgage...

FL

[Harry12345]

But what exactly is allowed and forbidden within marriage? What do you guys think of the following issues (within marriage)?FellatioCunnilingusAnnilingusAnal SexMutal MasturbationSex ToysContraceptionBDSM

Yeah...I also think that marriage is made up of a lot of other moments,

I'd be concerned for your future if yours wasn't.

However, the topic title is not 'activities within marriage', or 'fun things within marriage', it's 'sex within marriage', therefore although we can all agree that the activities mentioned above are all quite fun and important for a marriage, within the framework of this discussion they are irrelevant and not subject to scrutiny.

Now that the subject at hand has been laid down, are you going to add anything of value?

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

the topic title is not 'activities within marriage', or 'fun things within marriage', it's 'sex within marriage',

You are right!

I was trying to convey this message: what you do in bed is not important. It only represents a few minutes per week during your marriage. Concentrating on specific activities to determine which are «correct» is a little like asking wether communion should be with a wafer? or white bread? or whole wheat? and should the communion wine be grape juice? or real wine? (red or white?) or should wine be dispensed with altogether?...

Now that the subject at hand has been laid down, are you going to add anything of value?

No, I'll leave that to others.

FL

[Harry12345]

the topic title is not 'activities within marriage', or 'fun things within marriage', it's 'sex within marriage',

You are right!

I was trying to convey this message: what you do in bed is not important. It only represents a few minutes per week during your marriage. Concentrating on specific activities to determine which are «correct» is a little like asking wether communion should be with a wafer? or white bread? or whole wheat? and should the communion wine be grape juice? or real wine? (red or white?) or should wine be dispensed with altogether?...

Now that the subject at hand has been laid down, are you going to add anything of value?

No, I'll leave that to others.

FL

Okay, thank you.

It only represents a few minutes per week during your marriage.

A few minutes a week???!!! How fast do you go???

[zoegirl]

Speaking as a starving person I can't even begin to understand why people would have so little creativity an d imagination that they would have to resort to weird things during their marriage. But again, to one who is starving, it's hard to imaging anyone getting bored with a basic healthy meal!!

however, from a physiological standopint, it seems that we should take some pointers from the actual design of the body. The oragn invovled, the rectum and anal canal, are incredibly different from the vagina. The muscles are different, the bacteria are different, and the linings are different. Considering all of this, (and the fact that you had to place the caveat "as long as they take precautions") I would think that we should take a cue from our design and realize that our waste system is not the wisest parts to use for sex.

From a healthy, mature, relationship standpoint, it seems that any physical interaction that involves bondage, dominance, or torture speaks of an incredibly unhealthy coping mechanism for life. The very fact that poeple would have to communicate a safe word?!?!? Come on....unhealthy, unhealthy, unhealthy!!! Hate it. For anyone to have to be tied up or be whipped and claim that this helps them deal with stress?!?!?!? and then have someone say that this speaks of a healthy person!?!?!? No....

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

I would think that we should take a cue from our design and realize that our waste system is not the wisest parts to use for sex.

Excellent observation!

From a healthy, mature, relationship standpoint, it seems that any physical interaction that involves bondage, dominance, or torture speaks of an incredibly unhealthy coping mechanism for life... Come on....unhealthy, unhealthy, unhealthy!!!

Again, excellent observation! My co-workers are of the If it's OK between two people, it's OK! persuasion. You've given me a new angle on how to address the perversion in these activities without hitting them over the head with a Bible. Thanks!

FL

[zoegirl]

Yeah, I just cannot wrap my head around that. I mean, considering all of the psychobabble out there about learning to cope with stress or to just "all get along", to hear people say that this is an OK way to handle stress?!?!


"Hey, life's stressing me out a bit....hey honey, let me beat you up a bit before we're supposed to love and cherish each other with an act described in some marraige ceremonies as worshipping each other....but yeah, let's bring out that whip and other assorted paraphernalia....can't breath? Well, hey, that's right I CONTROL your breathing, but yeah, let's love each other"

Weird, sick, perverted, and hateful

(and sad to say, all I had to do to learn about this is watch a couple of CSI episodes...or Law and Order, now there's a couple of hours I'd like back!!)


Oh yeah, and the fact that in ANY OTHER aspects of life, this kind of behavior would place you behind bars fro torture or place you in the psych ward to self-injury and enjoying the pain. WE TREAT young women for deliberate cutting on themselves and yet call it ok in realtiohship when peopl enjoy pain. Yeah...healthy.

Just because its consensual doesn't make it righteous or ok, just means you have found some other unhealthy erson to share in the pain and perversion.

[Harry12345]

Okay, so the verdict on BDSM is pretty much out.

[rodyshusband]

I heard a great sermon on this topic once. The pastor said, "If you think Adam and Eve spent their time picking daises in the Garden of Eden, you had better think again!"
I suppose it's possible that they engaged in other sexual activities besides intercourse but I wonder how many of those activities you listed came about after the fall?
This is a great topic for discussion and has been addressed quite well by Dobson's "Focus on the Family".

zoegirl made several excellent, well-stated points.

[Daniel]

I think we should be careful not to read commandments into the Bible which simply aren't there.

[Harry12345]

"If you think Adam and Eve spent their time picking daises in the Garden of Eden, you had better think again!"

[zoegirl]

I think we should be careful not to read commandments into the Bible which simply aren't there.

YOu are right, we should be CAREFUL, but that doesn't mean we can't look to understand what is best for a relationship or what is harmful for the body. It is fact that the muscles in the anal canal are traumatized and this can lead to the weakening of the muscles. I don't think it unreasonable that something that can hurt the body is something to avoid.

There are also over 300 species of bacteria inthe large intestine and the rectum, many of which are pathogenic and can cause illness (we get mad when somebody leaves a dirty diaper somewhere or doesn't wash their hands inthe washroom! and yet here we debating whether something involving this very same organ should be done).

Whether or not can call it sin, is it wise or healthy?!

[Harry12345]

Have any of you looked at that site.

[rodyshusband]

Have any of you looked at that site.

I took a look through some of the topics.
It's the usual "Well, God didn't specifically say we can't..."-type of reasoning.
Little thought or rationale applied.