to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring
and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife
is like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday, my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints
against
Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.
3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's
on layaway.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets
from the bedding department.
7. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror while he picked his nose.
9. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
10. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of funnels.
12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
13. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'
And last, but not least,
14. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here!'
