Is it impossible to be to nice?

[rodyshusband]

As long as everyone agrees with me, I will be nice!

[Cactus]

I disagree that you will be nice.

[Harry12345]

I think David Tenant is indeed handsome but he's a bad actor.

*runs way*

[zoegirl]

Really?!? I am surprised since most think the opposite is true...not handsome, good actor. He certainly has been in his fair share of theater productions. I think he is being very fooligh giving up the Doctor role

[Cactus]

Well I don't know about handsome, not qualified to say. But he is a OK actress.

[Harry12345]

Well I don't know about handsome, not qualified to say. But he is a OK actress.

haha, if David Tenant is an actress, then you ARE qualified to say.

[cslewislover]

I think David Tenant is indeed handsome but he's a bad actor.

*runs way*

Um, lol. It's a good thing this isn't on the Doctor Who thread, or FL might decided he'll start accepting the votes of men.

Well I don't know about handsome, not qualified to say. But he is an OK actress.

[rodyshusband]

I disagree that you will be nice.

Hey! That's not very nice!!!

[ageofknowledge]

It is not impossible to be nice. My life basically sucks these days (medical problems, financial problems, etc..) but I am nice to others. If someone doesn't like me being around, I take my troubles elsewhere. I realize I'm not that important. I'm certainly not here to muck up anyone else's life that's for sure. It's not really that hard to be nice. Just treat people with respect and grace like you want to be treated. Exactly like that.

You'll need boundaries, of course, to stop the wolves from exploiting you and also avoid the contrarians who always have to be arguing with everyone they meet. But be nice to even them as you move quickly away from them.. lol.

[Canuckster1127]

Being "nice" is a good goal, but it's pretty abstract.

I don't always do a good job with it in my posting, but what I find generally works when I slow down and practice the following:

1. Posting on the internet is a pretty isolated activity and sometimes it is hard to remember that these are more than just images on a screen. A real person posted them and is sitting on the other side with emotions and feelings.

2. If I have time and am being deliberate about it, I'll read my post out loud and imagine a person is sitting in front of me. When I do that, I find I'm less likely to be rude or flippant and I will edit things to be more kind.

3. If I'm engaging with the ideas and what the post says and not trying to get into a battle of wills or wits with the other poster, I find I do not use the word "you" as much. When people hear the word "you" they then stop hearing what's wrong with a concept and instead it becomes a challenge to them as a person. Limiting the use of the word "you" and instead putting things into the third person to address the ideas, or even better, using the word "I" to describe how a particular concept or argument impacts me, is far less threatening and takes the personal element out of it to where a person will be more likely to agree with what you're saying without losing face or being made to feel stupid or ill informed.

4. Responding to someone elses emotions (or perceived emotions) in kind is usually a red flag to a bull and ensures the conversation will go nowhere.

5. The use of absolute modifiers (i.e. always, every, all, none, never etc.) will usually (see .... I didn't use an absolute ) cause someone to shut down and stop reading what you're saying, especially if you're using the terms emotionally to try and strengthen your point by overstating it. Better to avoid absolutes where the subject matter doesn't truly support them and recognize that exceptions often exist. People will be more likely to listen and less likely to tune out and write you off as extreme or inflexible and be more likely to accept absolute claims from you when that's really what you want to do.

Writing on a Discussion Board too is different that writing academic papers. Try and keep it short. Break up your paragraphs and be as succinct and direct as you can. Watch your tone and realize that people who are already argumentative and being personal in their own writing will see those qualities in your response, even if you don't intend them. Give them less cause to see that by being careful in your own response.

Following my own advice to keep it short, that's all I have to say for now.

blessings,

bart

[zoegirl]

Must you so be calm and wise?

[Canuckster1127]

Must you so be calm and wise?

If you only knew how much I violate my standards on all of those, you'd be laughing at me for even trying to pull that off ......