Giacci enne binnestaucce

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

Ouanse apon a time was dis boi. Namse Giacci. Nice boi. Ee leeve wit ees Mamma inna contry. Ouanna day Mamma say to Giacci, ''Giacci! we no a gotta notting to eet! Per favore, go to markette and buy box macaroni!''

So Giacci comes bekke from markette an ee gotta no box macaroni! Mamma heske Giacci, ''You getta box linguine?'' No! ''You getta box rigatoni?'' ''No,'' says Giacci, ''I getta box binnes!'' ''You getta box Binnes?!'' Ooooooooooo, Mamma shesa medd! enne she trow de binnes outta da ouindo.

Necce day, Giacci look outta da ouindo enne ouadda you tink ee see, eh? Ee see diss binnestaucce ouat rise up troo de clouds!!! So Giacci ee clime de binnestaucce rite hop to de top! Enne ouadda you tink ee see dere? Ee see diss magnifica villa! Eee go inside da villa enne ee see box, enne box, enne box macaroni, spaghetti, tortellini, farfadelli...enne ee see diss Goose ouat lay Gold Heggs! Giacci say to eeself, ''I tekke dis Goose ouat lay Gold Heggs to Mamma! She be eppy!''

''FEE - FYE - FO - FUM! Ooze inna my villa?'' Ohhh! Giacci issa scared! Ee look enne see diss Ogre ouat have one Eye! Giacci hide behind bigga box lasagna but da Goose ouat lay Gold Heggs she mekke noise so da Ogre ronne to Giacci!

''I KEEL YOU EEF I KITCH YOU!'' de Ogre say but Giacci tekke de Goose ouat lay Gold Heggs enne ronne to da binnestaucce. Ee go down de binnestaucce, enne down, enne down...bekke to ees ouse! Denne, Giacci choppe, enne choppe, enne choppe de binnestaucce. De binnestaucce he fall down enne Ogre brekke de neck!

Dette nite, Giacci enne ees Mamma have Goose Cacciatore for supper!

[cslewislover]

(I guess one reason I found this so funny is that it took quite a bit of effort to read it - and I'm sure more to write it - so that by the time I got to the end, I expected some other ending. Maybe some more difficult ending; I don't know. But it did make me laugh hard!)

[zoegirl]

Whoa, how long did that take to type?!!

And thus he killed the goose that laid the golden egg.

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

I'm sorry that you ladies had difficulty reading my post.

It is just that my spell checker went kaput...

It 's easier to understand the story if you read it out loud.

FL

[zoegirl]

Oh, I got it! just wondering how long it took to type!

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

DI TRI BERRES

Ouanse apon a time was dis geerl. Namse Goldilocces. Nice geerl. She wokke inna foresta enne mind heer business. Goldilocces see dis 'ouse witta door open, so she go in...why nut? Enne keetchen onna table was tree bowls spaghetti. Goldilocces she teste feerst bowl bat spaghetti he's too hot. So, Goldilocces she teste segund bowl but spaghetti he's too cold. Goldilocces she teste spaghetti from de leste bowl and he's perfecto! so she heet it all up!

Goldilocces wok to living room enne see tree chairs. She say to erself, '' I resta my feets from wok inna foresta'' so she sit in first chair. ''She's too big deese chair!'' say Goldilocces. She sit in segun chair and say, ''She's too big too!'' So she sit in turd chair and he feel perfecto! Goldilocces she's so 'eppy! butta just den de chair she brekke inna tousand pisses onna flor. Mammamia!

Now, Goldilocces she's so tired fromm hair wokke inna foresta so she go huppastairs to de bedroom. She slip inna feerst bed bat she's too ard. Goldilocces slip inna segund bed bat she's too soff. Den she slip inna turd bed an she's Perfecto! Goldilocces she folla slip en hava swit dreams.

Jus den, di tri berres comme ome.

''Samebady heet my spaghetti!'' say di Papa berre.
''Samebady heet my spaghetti too!'' say di mama berre.
''Samebady heet my spaghetti too enne dey heat it all up!'' say baby berre.

''Samebady seet in my chair!'' say di Papa berre.
''Samebady seet in my chair too!'' say di Mama berre.
''Samebady seet in my chair too enne brekke it in million pisses!'' say baby berre.

Di tri berres dey go huppastairs to di bedroom. Papa berre see ees bed enne say,

''Samebady slip in mi bed!''
''Samebady slip in mi bed too!'' say Mama berre.
''Samebady slip in mi bed to enne SHE STILL DERE!'' yell baby berre.

Juss den, Goldilocces she wekke up enne see di tri berres. She Terrify! She tekke heer shotgun and POW-POW-POW! She keel di tri berres!

Ah, Goldilocces she so 'eppy! Now, she got tri berreskin roggs in her 'ouse.

[Seraph]

Ha, it's impossible for me to read that and not picture it being said by Borat or something.

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

Maria Enne Big Bad Wolf

Ouanse apon a time was dis geerl. Nice geerl. Namse Maria. Leeve in contry wit heer Mamma. Mind da cow.

Maria shees perrfect geerl. She so nyce she get tri Gold Medaals! One Gold Medaal for Obedience, one Gold Medaal for Politeness an one Gold Medaal for Cleanliness. One day, de Prince of Maria's contry say to heer Mamma, ''Eh! I wanna recompense Maria for being such nice geerl beccause she get di tri Gold Medaals! So, I wanna heer to come to my Castle and play weeth de Royal Sheep & Royal Cheekins.'' Maria, she so eppy!

So, Maria she go to de Castle and has lotsa fun wit di Royal Sheep & Royal Cheekins. Now, di Big Bad Wolf up in di mountain, he see someting shiny down by di Castle! He look en look enne he see dis lill geerl wit berry white dress en tri shiny Gold Medaals pin to di dress. Big Bad Wolf he berry coorios about shiny Medals so he go down to Royal Castle to hava look. Di Royal Sheep & di Royal Cheekins dey smell di Wolf, get askared enne ron away bat Maria no unnerstand. Den...Maria see di Big Bad Wolf enne ronne enne ronne enne ronne! Maria she hid heerself in big Bush. But Maria, she so askared! Di Big Bad Wolf he no see Maria bat he heer di tri Gold Medaals (one for Obedience, one for Politeness, one for Cleanliness) go klink-klink-klink because Maria she trembel so ard!

Klink-klink-klink...

Klink-klink-klink...

Klink-klink-klink...

+ + +

Det evening, dey find Maria's blody white dress in di Bush. Di tri Gold Medaals - one for Obedience, one for Politeness, one for Cleanliness - are still pinned to di dress.

[RickD]

Me no getta whassa so fonny bout dat.

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

Me no getta whassa so fonny bout dat.

Eh! you be a carefull or I send Giovanni brekke your hed.

FL

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

A young human female
Not in a state of wedlock
Sat on a low wooden stool
Ingurgitating an admixture of lactoserum and coagulated lactic protein.

An arachnid alighted in close proximity to the human female
Eliciting in said subject a sudden adrenalin surge
Which resulted in her rapid self-translation
From the immediate vicinity.

[RickD]

A young human female
Not in a state of wedlock
Sat on a low wooden stool
Ingurgitating an admixture of lactoserum and coagulated lactic protein.

An arachnid alighted in close proximity to the human female
Eliciting in said subject a sudden adrenalin surge
Which resulted in her rapid self-translation
From the immediate vicinity.

You've gotten into those bath salts again FL, haven't you?

[Furstentum Liechtenstein]

You've gotten into those bath salts again FL, haven't you?

How lucky thou art for being a Man! For woudst thou be a wench, methinks I wouldst put thee in thy place. Thanks be to biblegod for blessed Manlihood!

+ + +

Young human siblings of differing gender ascended a conspicuous elevation in a comparatively flat region
To procure a vessel of liquid hydrogen monoxide
The male dropped suddenly and involuntarily thereby injuring his cranium
The female then dropped suddenly in apparent sympathetic fashion.

Whereupon the male self-translated to his domicile
At a velocity he could not exceed
Arriving at said domicile the male sibling practised First Aid
On his cranium by applying a poultice of acetic acid and pulverized wood fiber.

[Byblos]

You've gotten into those bath salts again FL, haven't you?

How lucky thou art for being a Man! For woudst thou be a wench, methinks I wouldst put thee in thy place. Thanks be to biblegod for blessed Manlihood!

+ + +

Young human siblings of differing gender ascended a conspicuous elevation in a comparatively flat region
To procure a vessel of liquid hydrogen monoxide
The male dropped suddenly and involuntarily thereby injuring his cranium
The female then dropped suddenly in apparent sympathetic fashion.

Whereupon the male self-translated to his domicile
At a velocity he could not exceed
Arriving at said domicile the male sibling practised First Aid
On his cranium by applying a poultice of acetic acid and pulverized wood fiber.

This goes way beyond bath salts.

I want me some of that.

[RickD]

You've gotten into those bath salts again FL, haven't you?

How lucky thou art for being a Man! For woudst thou be a wench, methinks I wouldst put thee in thy place. Thanks be to biblegod for blessed Manlihood!

+ + +

Young human siblings of differing gender ascended a conspicuous elevation in a comparatively flat region
To procure a vessel of liquid hydrogen monoxide
The male dropped suddenly and involuntarily thereby injuring his cranium
The female then dropped suddenly in apparent sympathetic fashion.

Whereupon the male self-translated to his domicile
At a velocity he could not exceed
Arriving at said domicile the male sibling practised First Aid
On his cranium by applying a poultice of acetic acid and pulverized wood fiber.

It's funny how Canadian nursery rhymes just don't have the same "ring" to them, as our versions.

I've got one for you:

Hickory dickory dock!
Three mice ran up the clock;
The clock struck one,
And the other two got away
with minor injuries.