If it is your faith, I'd say, you are right.
God has given each man a measure of faith.
It's been pinging away at me even more. Why wouldn't he give me a sign? Why wouldn't he give us more proof he's there? It's very cruel. I don't see how it could work out like that. Why wouldn't he make it more obvious? Why doesn't he show he's there like he did to the people in the Bible?
Have you thought about reading B.W.'s book? He posts here on this board. That is one profound testimony
Those who seek Him with all their heart will seek Him and find Him.
While there is some legitimacy to your questions, it seems to me that you are consuming on one thing. Is that a heart seeking after God, or a person determined to pacify their own selfish motives? Only you can answer that. I just know that God's hand is not too short. And if motives are pure, God can and will reach anyone, anywhere. I mean we have Christians in Iran afterall. They fear for their lives daily, and your big concern is whether God is going to perform for you. I think of the millions of martyrs who had less "proof," as you would say, than you do, yet went to their graves for their faith.
I've seen a psychologist
Depending on the area of counsel that could do more harm than good.
I just want something solid to go on.
Wouldn't we all. The bible demonstrates that God has revealed himself in very bold ways to some, but also in very subtle ways. I had a very bold encounter in my youth, that marked me for my life. Even my pastor has not experienced anything like I did. When you feel the hand of God on your person, you can't easily forget that. But that is not what gave me faith. No. In fact it was only after I had responded in faith, that I had this experience. I wasn't seeking an experience.
Maybe someone here can show all the evidence they have and somehow convince you. That is not my bag, but if it works for the glory of God, then so be it. I don't see how discussing whether dogs have will etc. is going to reslove your issue at all.
My concern from the start is not that you have enough apologetics material, but that you have never stepped into salvation to begin with. You have claimed to be a Christian, yet have provided several conflicting statements that would suggest that you have not experienced regeneration or saving faith. You said you took the test earlier in the thread. And you confessed that you would be judged a sinner in the eyes of God, and deserving of the punishment of Hell. Is that fair to say? Remember that if you have no faith, then you have no faith that Christ Jesus died so that your crimes against God could be legally satisfied.
In your opinion what is a bigger concern for you at this point. That God doesn't exist and you are going to simply go into nothing at death. Or, that you have sinned against a Holy and pure God, who sees even your thoughts, and that you will be judged according the truth and righteousness of His glorious standard, agaisnt which you have no defense, other than to say, "guilty."
-“The Bible treated allegorically becomes putty in the hands of the exegete.” John Walvoord
"I'm not saying scientists don't overstate their results. They do. And it's understandable, too...If you spend years working toward a certain goal and make no progress, of course you are going to spin your results in a positive light." Ivellious