Need some advice

[Gabrielman]

This is the original reason for my coming to this site. I need some Christian adivice, help, whatever you want to call it. I have a problem that no one I know will even talk to me about, that includes Christians, so I am a little sceptical that you will care. The problem is that for the past 21 years (no I am not kidding) I have been single, and aginst my own free will mind you. Now you may say, so what why should I care. You don't have to care, but this is a big problem for me and I need some insight from the word, and people, of God. I seek love, true love, but cannot find it. Every time I have tried to ask some one out they just shoot me down, and some of them were pretty mean about it too, further more no one has ever asked me out. The problem comes in here, I feel God's purpose on my life is to write about love and romance and to teach it as well. I cannot do that if I have no experience at all. I have been told by pastors, and no I am not making this up, "You need to get into a dangours field of work, like missions. God won't let you have love because you are supposed to do something life threating." That is what they all want me to believe, but that is not where God is leading me... I will happily disscuss that on another thread if you would like. It all comes down to this, what do I do? What does the word say about being alone? What advice can you share? I have read a lot on this site and I feel that some of you may be able to help. I need some hope, I feel the need for love pulling at my heart and to be quite honest it is eating me away. It is attacking the very foundations of my faith and at times I ask God why, but get no response. I have prayed, and nothing has happened, yet. Please give me some hope. I am at the end of my rope.

[cslewislover]

The problem comes in here, I feel God's purpose on my life is to write about love and romance and to teach it as well. I cannot do that if I have no experience at all. I have been told by pastors, and no I am not making this up, "You need to get into a dangours field of work, like missions. God won't let you have love because you are supposed to do something life threating." That is what they all want me to believe, but that is not where God is leading me... I will happily discuss that on another thread if you would like. It all comes down to this, what do I do? What does the word say about being alone? What advice can you share? I have read a lot on this site and I feel that some of you may be able to help. I need some hope, I feel the need for love pulling at my heart and to be quite honest it is eating me away. It is attacking the very foundations of my faith and at times I ask God why, but get no response. I have prayed, and nothing has happened, yet. Please give me some hope. I am at the end of my rope.

I find that pretty amazing that some pastors have said that to you. I don't know why you haven't found the right person yet, but God knows. I understand how frustrating this can be. How do you meet people? Have you volunteered with organizations? You could serve God and meet people at the same time.

As for the writing and teaching. Maybe you could write poetry or stories before getting into more teaching type writing and actual teaching. You could research romantic love, and biographies of people that exhibited Godly love, and write on that. Short stories, biographies, etc. Just some ideas.

[Gabrielman]

I have written many short stories, but they were only for school work. My teachers were very impressed. I disscussed this in my email to you. So far as the love thing, like I said earlier I thank you for your encouragment. I have tried work for God in groups, but no luck. I am just in a tough spot right now and I feel so alone. Everybody around me is so happy, some them even married. It is frustrating, that's why I was hoping some people could give me some encouragement. Thanks!

[zoegirl]

This is the original reason for my coming to this site. I need some Christian adivice, help, whatever you want to call it. I have a problem that no one I know will even talk to me about, that includes Christians, so I am a little sceptical that you will care. The problem is that for the past 21 years (no I am not kidding) I have been single, and aginst my own free will mind you. Now you may say, so what why should I care. You don't have to care, but this is a big problem for me and I need some insight from the word, and people, of God. I seek love, true love, but cannot find it. Every time I have tried to ask some one out they just shoot me down, and some of them were pretty mean about it too, further more no one has ever asked me out. The problem comes in here, I feel God's purpose on my life is to write about love and romance and to teach it as well. I cannot do that if I have no experience at all.

I can certainly empathize with the "past 21 years"...fast approaching that myself. (assuming the 21 years is referring to dating age?) .

I have been told by pastors, and no I am not making this up, "You need to get into a dangours field of work, like missions. God won't let you have love because you are supposed to do something life threating."

This would go under "sad disappointing things said to singles from well meaning Christians"

That is what they all want me to believe, but that is not where God is leading me... I will happily disscuss that on another thread if you would like. It all comes down to this, what do I do? What does the word say about being alone? What advice can you share? I have read a lot on this site and I feel that some of you may be able to help. I need some hope, I feel the need for love pulling at my heart and to be quite honest it is eating me away. It is attacking the very foundations of my faith and at times I ask God why, but get no response. I have prayed, and nothing has happened, yet. Please give me some hope. I am at the end of my rope.

The best advice I can give you is to simply live your life serving Him and others. There will be times of tremendous wait that He calls us to. I can empathize with the single life and the "Eating away". It is tremendously lonely sometimes. And it's not the lack of service opportunities. These can certainly help assuage the need to be with people but it can be terribly lonely to come home ot an empty house (other than my dog of course...but she's not much for conversation) or to wake up to an empty house. It seems silly to some married couples, especially when they say things like "Oh I envy you so much, having all of that time of solitude and alone time"...I can feel my jaw drop when they say that.

But His timing is perfect. I look back at all of the things I have had to wait for....my job, my house, my grad degree...and I see His hand at work. I waited two years to find a teaching job and substitute taught during those years. Great teaching experience but terrible money and had to pay my own health insurance. But His timing was great when I received this job.

I tried finding a house and talk about closed doors!! tried for over a year and shelved that idea when nothing happened. I decided instead to pursue a grad degree and the doors opened like crazy. Within two days everything was settled and I was on my way.

Same thing with my townhome.

One thing I know....when God wants me married, there will be nothing that can stop Him.

My colitis and marrriage are still two things that God has said...."not right now".

CS Lewis provides an interesting thought about missing the physicsal aspects

The letter and spirit of Scripture, and of all Christianity, forbid us to suppose that life in the New Creation will be a sexual life; and this reduces our imagination to the withering alternative either of bodies which are hardly recognizable as human bodies at all or else of a perpetual fast. As regards the fast, I think our present outlook might be like that of a small boy who, on being told that the sexual act was the highest bodily pleasure, should immediately ask whether you ate chocolates at the same time. On receiving the answer no, he might regard absence of chocolates as the chief characteristic of sexuality. In vain would you tell him that the reason why lovers in their carnal raptures don't bother about chocolates is that they have something better to think of. The boy knows chocolate: he does not know the positive thing that excludes it. We are in the same position. We know the sexual life; we do not know, except in glimpses, the other thing which, in Heaven, will leave no room for it.”

We must realize that the new creation wil be far superior than anything life provides for us now...this is a mere shadow. Unitl then, we wait. If God blesses us with healing or with a spouse then praise Him...if He doesn't..then praise Him. Ultimately we are in a relationship with the Creator of the Universe....how amazing is that!!

I always like to think of the rest of Jeremiah 29

This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." 8 Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the LORD.

10 This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Can you imagine their thoughts when told that the Lord would provide but in the meantime you would have to wait? But they were to wait and do the business of the Lord.

Hope this helps

[Gabrielman]

Thanks that does help. I do praise the Lord no matter what, that is something I learned to do a long time ago when he saved me from me. I appriciate your help.
[quote"Oh I envy you so much, having all of that time of solitude and alone time"...I can feel my jaw drop when they say that.
][/quote]
I know, maybe they just don't remember what it feels like to be alone? As for coming home to an empty house aside from a dog, don't worry cause my dog doesn't provide any good conversation either. I still have my dad to talk to, but that isn't the same as being able to share with some on a deeper level. Also I am only 21 now, so maybe there is still hope. I have just grown tired of watching people I know getting married and being happy while I am still here alone, though I should be happy for them it is sometimes hard. Thanks again and God bless!

[Gabrielman]

Hey just wanted to give a special thanks to cslewislover and zoegirl. You two have been a major help. You have strengthend me spiritually and given me some hope. I am just happy that someone wanted to listen for once and give me some advice. It means more than you can know and I am grateful to have meet you both, even if it is just via the internet, you are better than my friends... I need new friends. Any way thanks for all your help! May God bless you both always!

[zoegirl]

Thanks that does help. I do praise the Lord no matter what, that is something I learned to do a long time ago when he saved me from me. I appriciate your help.

Oh I envy you so much, having all of that time of solitude and alone time"...I can feel my jaw drop when they say that.

I know, maybe they just don't remember what it feels like to be alone? As for coming home to an empty house aside from a dog, don't worry cause my dog doesn't provide any good conversation either. I still have my dad to talk to, but that isn't the same as being able to share with some on a deeper level. Also I am only 21 now, so maybe there is still hope. I have just grown tired of watching people I know getting married and being happy while I am still here alone, though I should be happy for them it is sometimes hard. Thanks again and God bless!

AH well , you are only 21...come to me when you are 38 and still single. Keep on asking...there is plenty of time

[Gabrielman]

Let's just hope I am not still single at 38 . The main problem was being the only person I know never having a girlfriend and having no experience what so ever. That makes it harder to get one because they want someone who knows just what to do and I don't know what to do. I have never even had my first kiss so that would be akward with someone who is already experienced. Anyway you two have been very helpful to me and I am graetful for your advice and sound scriptual knowledge. I hope that I am as wise as you are someday! God bless !

[ageofknowledge]

I had excellent girlfriends when I was in jr. high, high school, in the military, and even lived with one for a year and a half after I got out of the military. Then I came to Christ and found that all of the Christian girls my age were already married except the most unsightly. I have been a celibate Christian ever since and am now 46 and crippled and it is gone forever.

My advice Gabriel is that if you want to avoid my fate, while you are still young, forget all the wives tales you hear from Christians at church. They will not work. Women want a man in control with money, looks, and game.

This board is full of people that will give you bad advice on this point. Trust me. Don't be a beggar, a schumck, a beta male.

Get some game. Get yourself socialized properly and in that context dress right and take authority. Become an alpha male. If you don't have the money yet, then dress right, put a plan educational/career plan together and "act as if" while you work your plan. That's how you get the job done friend.

[Gabrielman]

I had excellent girlfriends when I was in jr. high, high school, in the military, and even lived with one for a year and a half after I got out of the military. Then I came to Christ and found that all of the Christian girls my age were already married except the most unsightly. I have been a celibate Christian ever since and am now 46 and crippled and it is gone forever.

My advice Gabriel is that if you want to avoid my fate, while you are still young, forget all the wives tales you hear from Christians at church. They will not work. Women want a man in control with money, looks, and game.

This board is full of people that will give you bad advice on this point. Trust me. Don't be a beggar, a schumck, a beta male.

Get some game. Get yourself socialized properly and in that context dress right and take authority. Become an alpha male. If you don't have the money yet, then dress right, put a plan educational/career plan together and "act as if" while you work your plan. That's how you get the job done friend.

Looks are irrelevnt to me, and I want nothing to do with someone who wants me for money, looks, or "game". I am not a begger, and people who know me know that. I am not going to go around and be arrogant like an alpha male, I will be a Christian male, and if I fail in the end I have God... The only one who ever cared about me. If women want arrogant me then they can suffer, but the arrogant don't do well around me. They try to assert themselves over me cause they think I look weak, then they find out just how strong I really am. I don't back down, or provoke fights (I try to avoid violence as that is what God would want), I stand up for what I believe in. If women want something other than a man of God, then I do not want them. I have standards. I dress how I want, but God is who takes the authority. Only He can command it in a riteous manner. Should I die lonely for this then so be it, I die for God. If I can't find a woman who truly puts God first, then that is how it will be. Live or die alone may the will of God be done.
At times I fear that you may be right on the facts of what they want. If that is true I shall rebuke them, if they don't listen then God will deal with them in the end. Someone who does not put God first cannot go to Heaven. May God bless you all!

[Gabrielman]

Aghhh! I just reread my post.... A little harsh, sorry.(however what you said angered me) I believe there are good people out there it is only a matter of finding them, then again I have met some good people on this site. I will stand for God on this and let him lead me. I am sorry if I came off as... well I am sorry if I offended anybody. I believe there are men and women who are good. God bless!

[cslewislover]

Age, Gabriel. Lol. I'm a woman, and I won't give advice about other women, but I can say what I think as a woman. Looks help, sure. But looks to some people means something different to other people. Look up the Doctor Who thread if you don't believe me. Oops, I guess I started talking about others. Ok. Looks. There are guys who catch my eye at first, but they would have no more consideration than someone else who didn't catch my eye at first, after I got to know them. I would have difficulty with someone who is quite overweight, or quite underweight. I am totally turned-off by arrogance and I could care less about expensive looking cars or clothes or accessories (in fact, I take this as a sign of selfishness or immodesty). Kindness and openness are the most wonderful things. The pastor this weekend was a middle-aged former football player, good looking guy, talking to all of us about the FEELINGS we get when there is an injustice (we're doing a five week group of sermons on the longings we have, and how they are from God, and how to live them the way God wills). "What do you feel when you see these girls who are sold against their will into the sex trade?" We had seen a missionaries' video of these girls, and heard a success story - the topic was God's justice. Anyway, yes, a man of God is a must.

[Gabrielman]

Looks play a small role I think, then again that's just my opinion. I have found myself attracted to a wide variety of women with many different looks, but I try as hard as I can to let looks be the deciding factor. I hear what you are saying though, I do care a little like I said, I was just a little angry with what he said is all... I apologize if I came off as arrogant when writting that, it seems hypocritcal seeing as I had just condemed it... Thanks and God bless!

[cslewislover]

It's fine what you wrote. I just put both your names in my note since both of you were involved.

[Gabrielman]

Still I let my anger get the best of me... not a very Christian thing to do...