Need some advice

[cslewislover]

Still I let my anger get the best of me... not a very Christian thing to do...

It's too bad we can't all have a good game of dodge ball or something like that once in a while.

[Gabrielman]

I hear that!

[Gabrielman]

No offense there age of knowledge, but you really offended me there. I do not see women in that light, they are not all that way, in fact I blame men for most of the problems I face cause how they treat women. I came for encouragement and advice, which both zoegirl and cslewislover gave me. What you said is what all of the athiests tend think, I seek Christian advice. Something from the word of God. I am not sure what experiences you have gone through, and I won't probe, but I feel sorry for you because your view on women is not Christian. Please forgive my eairlier rudeness. Thanks and God bless!

[zoegirl]

Gabriel, good man (emphasis on man)

That is an awesome view to take. You have years on you to find someone. the best advice someone gave? Put yourself in the paths of God's blessings. There is nothing wrong with getting involved in singles groups in churches. As long as you go into it iwth the objective to have fun and socialize instead of "going on the prowl". Find service opportunites with those groups so you can really see people in different situations.

and please, your post wasn't harsh (I rethought mine...although I have it saved as a draft mine would probably be an inferno...)

Women who want men with game should not be the women you look for. Woman who like arrogant "alpha" men are not the women you should look for. And looks will fade. The unsightly women left are the same as the sightly women who become unsightly women who just got married, had kids, and struggled with aging just as the men do. (they just got married before they became unsightly.... ). And the men who suddenly have that paunch, that thinning hairline are the same men that have the paunch with thinning hair who are already married .

The crazy thing about women, even the girls in the high school I teach at, there are the ones that fall for the athlete, the jock, arrogant player, those idiot guys who other guys think we want....those are the ones the young men should avoid like the plague until those women grow up. But most young girls, if you watch them, they fall for the guys not because of their looks per se, but many fall for them because of their smile, or their sense of humor, or just because they are plain nice to be with, they are caring and they are mature. THOSE are the women you look for...I;m not saying that attractiveness plays no role, but for many women, they may fall for the lanky guy, the stocky guy, because for *them* they are attractive. . The first two guys I fell for were both lanky dorks...but they had great smiles and were great to talk to.

And then I see the girls who aren't obviously pretty, even, dare I say, the unsightly ones, and see the idiot guys who won't look twice at them simply because they aren't in the running for beauty pageant. What a travesty.

good for you gabriel, with that attitude, you are a catch already
I

[zoegirl]

. Look up the Doctor Who thread if you don't believe me. Oops, I guess I started talking about others. Ok.

What that dodge ball thrown at me perchance?1?!?

haha, I still really like him as doctor who. and I sitll think he's wonderfully cute. (David tennant, for those who don't remember that particlar thread)

But seriously...i have had crushes on lanky guys, muscular guys, big guys, and the one thing they have in common are a great sense of humor, gentleness, respect, and a love for God. None of them had great cars, money, or fabulous looks. None of them had game. Two of them are great fathers and husbands, great spiritual leaders.

Bottom line : We shouldn't be painted with such a broad brush. Perhaps some women like those idiots who have "game"...plenty of women don't give a hoot for game.

[Gabrielman]

Thanks zoegirl. I intend to get into some Christian groups, but first I must find a good home Church (Read earlier comment on what pastors have said). You actually described the type of girls I am looking for

But most young girls, if you watch them, they fall for the guys not because of their looks per se, but many fall for them because of their smile, or their sense of humor, or just because they are plain nice to be with, they are caring and they are mature.

Thanks, you and cslewislover are a great help! Thanks and God bless!

[ageofknowledge]

No offense there age of knowledge, but you really offended me there. I do not see women in that light, they are not all that way, in fact I blame men for most of the problems I face cause how they treat women. I came for encouragement and advice, which both zoegirl and cslewislover gave me. What you said is what all of the athiests tend think, I seek Christian advice. Something from the word of God. I am not sure what experiences you have gone through, and I won't probe, but I feel sorry for you because your view on women is not Christian. Please forgive my eairlier rudeness. Thanks and God bless!

I tried. So many men in this society are brainwashed by our modern liberal culture to view any attempt to explain to them that the modern liberal super sensitive beta male beggar ideal is not desirable nor does it often work as offensive. You can and should shed that approach. Many Christian books have been written on this subject. I am a Christian. Don't read into my advice anymore than that. No more was/is intended.

Do you honestly think women view all men the same? Do you really believe they want a poor, shy, ugly, guy with poor socialization skills that does whatever they tell him to. They do not. They'll tell you all sorts of nonsense but they are wired a certain way biologically and will follow their biological programming. God made them that way. Learn their programming and how to interface with them in real life and you'll get better results. Forget about what they say. They do the opposite of what they say all the time. Have you never heard the expression "it is a woman's perogative to change her mind"?

Let's see pointing that out makes me a woman hater, a chauvenistic pig, etc... It doesn't really but that's what usually happens when you tell a guy to stop asking women out for coffee and start acting like a man and interfacing with them in a way that gets results. Good luck with your choices. I wish I had listened years ago.

[Gabrielman]

Do you honestly think women view all men the same? Do you really believe they want a poor, shy, ugly, guy with poor socialization skills that does whatever they tell him to. They do not. They'll tell you all sorts of nonsense but they are wired a certain way biologically and will follow their biological programming. God made them that way. Learn their programming and how to interface with them in real life and you'll get better results. Forget about what they say. They do the opposite of what they say all the time. Have you never heard the expression "it is a woman's perogative to change her mind"?

Are you impying that I am a poor, shy, ugly, guy with poor socialization skills!? You really have no idea do you...? Meet me in person, that's all I have to say about that.
I do not do everything they tell me to do, espicaly if it conflicts with what God wants me to do. Furthermore you say what you did about women, but I have met some good ones with men that you described(poor,shy,ugly guys with poor socialization skills)... kinda kills that idea don't it. Here is where you need to seperate women from girls. The immature tend to act as such, but the more matture will not. Also God did not program them to be that way. If that were true then he programed men to follow their steryotype, which I do not. Many men say I make them look bad, that is not true, they make themselves look bad. One more thing, the "alpha male" as you put it is usually all talk, in my experience. I have met a lot of them, alpha males, and can honest in saying I do not believe they are on a path to heaven. I would rather walk a path to heaven to be with the father than be cast into hell for some girls. I only seek women, they are mature. Age doesn't define maturity, how you act for God does. You should note that not all women who turned me down were cruel, at times it was because they already had somebody I was unaware of. Re-think how you view women, because it is a desturctive path that can damage the soul.
You should know I came here for advice and friendship. I am at a point in my life where I need to think about some things and get some good Biblical insight, which you failed to provide. There is a lot about myself I am trying to deal with right now and would appriciate it if you did not leave anymore comments on this as I strongly dissagree with what you say. They are not what I need at this time. Please seek God on this. God bless!

[nd925]

Gabrielman, Read through 1 Corinthians 7, Paul gives the pros and cons of marriage vs being single. I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to find a wife. You're still very young. Get involved with singles functions at a church and that sort of thing. Form good solid friendships with both male and female. Be yourself. Talk to people, let people know that you exist, not in an obnoxious, draw attention to yourself manner of course. Be confident in God and yourself. If it is God's will for you, he will give you a bride.
Ladies that contributed to this thread, You have given Gabrielman some very good advice. I think that it coming from women really encouraged him and probably caused him to learn something.

[ageofknowledge]

Do you honestly think women view all men the same? Do you really believe they want a poor, shy, ugly, guy with poor socialization skills that does whatever they tell him to. They do not. They'll tell you all sorts of nonsense but they are wired a certain way biologically and will follow their biological programming. God made them that way. Learn their programming and how to interface with them in real life and you'll get better results. Forget about what they say. They do the opposite of what they say all the time. Have you never heard the expression "it is a woman's perogative to change her mind"?

Are you impying that I am a poor, shy, ugly, guy with poor socialization skills!? You really have no idea do you...? Meet me in person, that's all I have to say about that.
I do not do everything they tell me to do, espicaly if it conflicts with what God wants me to do. Furthermore you say what you did about women, but I have met some good ones with men that you described(poor,shy,ugly guys with poor socialization skills)... kinda kills that idea don't it. Here is where you need to seperate women from girls. The immature tend to act as such, but the more matture will not. Also God did not program them to be that way. If that were true then he programed men to follow their steryotype, which I do not. Many men say I make them look bad, that is not true, they make themselves look bad. One more thing, the "alpha male" as you put it is usually all talk, in my experience. I have met a lot of them, alpha males, and can honest in saying I do not believe they are on a path to heaven. I would rather walk a path to heaven to be with the father than be cast into hell for some girls. I only seek women, they are mature. Age doesn't define maturity, how you act for God does. You should note that not all women who turned me down were cruel, at times it was because they already had somebody I was unaware of. Re-think how you view women, because it is a desturctive path that can damage the soul.
You should know I came here for advice and friendship. I am at a point in my life where I need to think about some things and get some good Biblical insight, which you failed to provide. There is a lot about myself I am trying to deal with right now and would appriciate it if you did not leave anymore comments on this as I strongly dissagree with what you say. They are not what I need at this time. Please sek God on this. God bless!

No I'm not. I'm simply telling you how it is out there. You can be the best looking guy on the face of the earth with a great career and still act like the other. Like I said, don't read more into what I'm saying then what I'm actually saying.

The rest of the post is unrealistic nonsense imo. No offense. It won't get you where you want and need to be. God certainly did make women to respond in certain ways. It's hard wired into women just like men are hard wired in certain ways. I'm sSorry you feel otherwise but until you accept this reality and adjust to it, you're just throwing mud at the wall hoping some of it sticks.

I'm trying to help you not offend or hurt you. Maybe you need to be alone for awhile and heal first. I don't know if that's the case but I can certainly understand that. But if you want a girlfriend, and Christian girls are biologically wired like all girls everywhere, then you need to know their biological programming.. what moves them and interface appropriately. I'm not talking about sinning here. I'm talking about learning how to interface with them properly and getting yourself a girlfriend. This will be my last comment in this thread unless you request otherwise. Peace.

[cslewislover]

@ Zoegirl. ha ha. Actually, I was thinking of Catherine more. It was her, right? She liked the new guy that's going to be the Doctor, and she was saying how she finds just about any guy attractive when she first sees them. I'm actually getting more like that way myself. The older I get, the more I just appreciate the way guys look. I'm not sure if that totally makes sense. When I was younger, most young guys looked average to me. Now that I'm older, I think most young guys look good. I think I'm just appreciating the beauty of youth more, now that I'm older.

Age mentioned coffee. Lord help me, I'd love to have someone take me out for coffee!! I so want to meet a nice "real" guy! Wow, THAT WOULD BE SO REFRESHING. And Age, you're making it sound like guys are either Alpha or they're ugly and wimpy! LOL. Most guys are in the middle somewhere and it's a non-Christian attitude to go after power. So, I think it's either an immature female (as Zoe pointed out) that goes after obvious alpha types, or an unChristian one. As far as looks, again, I actually tend to find a quirky aspect attractive - I mean something different in their face.

[ageofknowledge]

Ok, just one more post for the road.

Blah blah blah... their talk is irrelevant and like following smoke trails around in different directions looking for a fire somewhere you'll not likely find because what they say and do are often two different things.

Women respond to the stimuli they are presented with according to their programming. That's what you need to key in on. Bring your A game and interface with them in a manner that brings forth desirable predictable responses and stay with it honing it as you go. Live it. You'll be the one that ends up with many choices. Afterwards, you can get to know them.

Hehe.

[zoegirl]

I have been mulling over and over my initial inferno response and while I am taming it here, I am leaving much of it here. Partly because heaven help it if any vulnerable women reads your borderline abusive view of "knowing what women want" and partly because it's just tragic that you don't see anything wrong in what you say.

The first tragedy is your declaration that the only women left are unsightly (do you even see the travesty in judging these women in their looks and yet declaring that they only want a guy with game and fancy cars?!? ) So *you* get to judge their looks and yet you also get to judge them for wanting the guys with game. ...the only ones left are unsightly?!?!? wha?!?!? You need to seriously examine your own heart and your own relationships and view towards women. Seriously...this is probably the most disappointing thing I have heard from you. At the least it reeks of superficial, shallow thinking...at the worst arrogance and a troubled spirit. Unless you yourself are a perfect Adonis, you have no standing in judging them. *You* need to be alone and heal.

But more damaging, more devastating, and especially devastating to your own relationships, is your take on your authority of what women want... What's truly scary about this is the similar logic that predators and abusive men use. "She likes it....this is what she truly wants...." And most scary of all..."she may say such and such but she really wants it". That is exactly the line of thinking here. Despite the fact that you have two mature women here saying over and over again that we don't care about the guys "game". the type of cars he drives, despite the fact that you yourself could probably look in any church and see very average, very un-alpha males who have successful marriages, you persist in this damaging, abusive view. You have essentially declared that we don't know our own minds...wow. And while I am prepared to take much of what you say as baiting us, and most of it is (the hehe at the end really shows maturity...really impressed by that), I am not prepared to let it go without responding to it, if only to prevent some vulnerable woman who has been told that a man knows better than she does what she wants who perhaps might read this in influencing her relationship decisions.

You keep declaring that he should learn our programming and yet when we, the programmed, TELL you, you keep rejecting it. How stupid is this?!?!?! As Homer would say ...D'Oh!!

A woman wants a spiritual leader, yes...not a bully who "knows what she wants". A woman wants a man who will pray with her and support her. And yes a man should be willing to lead in that way. Doesn't at all look like the picture of the alpha male you present. Christ was certainly the epitome of a man but when you examine the way he interacted with women, it certainly wasn't the "alpha" male who had game and cars. We want a man who is is willing to talk over the day, who *doesn't" bring his "game". There is nothing more borderline offensive to me than a guy who acts like a player. A woman wants a man who looks at her (all of her, her mind, her heart, as well as her appearance) and says "by golly, I want to know her"....and here you are basically saying "I already know her...in fact, I know her better than she does"....in fact what you have said is essentially "manipulate her into that relationship and then you can get to know her"... yes....*that's* what we want....a man who isn't interested in us...

I am saddened that you bring to any relationships this sort of bullying and arrogance. Heaven help the women you try to impress and hopefully they see exactly what I see, I man who doesn't respect women and steers clear. Perhaps the reason you had more success in the military and in high school has more to do with the type of women you were going for and the type of women who were willing to be in that sort of relationship than any issue of "knowing what they want". It sounds as all you really know is what a superficial shallow women wants....good luck with that.

[cslewislover]

You know what's funny, is that I'm not even sure what it means here by having "game." Lol, does the guy have a deer tied on the radiator of his lexus??

Zoe, I agree with you. Players are so very offensive. And having a predetermined view of what turns me on or whatever could be a really fatal mistake for someone (fatal for any relationship ).

[ageofknowledge]

You know what's funny, is that I'm not even sure what it means here by having "game." Lol, does the guy have a deer tied on the radiator of his lexus??

The simplest definition is that it means interfacing with the needs and the wants of a female appropriately to get her to want to do what you want her to do. It includes matching your behavior, word choices, dress, socialization values and mores, intellect, etc... to accomplish this result. In the worldy sense, "game" is used to accomplish a sexually immoral result. In the Christian sense. it is used to get the girl you want to marry.

OMG I just read zoe's post. I have no idea what she's talking about but it looks to be WAY out there! Beam me up Scotty!