Harder than I thought..

[PaulB007]

In my previous posts, I said that if I were to come to the conclusion God and Jesus were one in the same and Christianity were true, I could give up my lust easily. I said that too soon. I actually have realized, that this might be the biggest wall to my coming to Christ. I am *very* lustful, more so than most men I think. I fantasize of having sex with women almost all day, I can't control myself. I love porn, I love having lots of sex.. it's just a very tough situation. Keep in mind, being almost 23 now and having held an almost atheistic viewpoint and morals since around 14 years old has been a humongous feat to overcome, as they say those early years determine how we turn out to be as an adult. I am trying to reverse it all and try and find my faith. I feel like I am close. There are questions I have that simply have no answers, but I do feel that out of all religions, this one makes the most sense. It has a certain feeling of authenticity that nothing else I have ever read has had. I will be posting in a few days if I will accept these Gospels or not. I will let you know my conclusions after years of doubt, wonder, and reading.

Sorry to get off topic, but how can I overcome my sexual immorality? I cannot become a Christian and then *knowingly* defy God's will by doing these things.

[Silvertusk]

I can definately symphasis with you. Before I became a Christian - I used to look at porn magazines and have problems with lust. I am a million times better now and I have not looked at a porn magazine since becoming a Christian 4-5 years ago. However on occasion I still struggle with lust today - mainly when doubts start creeping in. However what has really helped me is the Freedom in Christ course I did at my church. It is comforting to know that temptation is not a sin - but giving into it is. When ever I am confronted with temptation or lustful thoughts I simply remember that I can make a choice. I even say that to myself - "Make a choice". In the end the devil may be able to tempt you, but he has not the power to force you to give into the temptation. At each point of temptation - say to yourself - "Make a choice". Take the thought captive and give it to Jesus. Sometimes it even helps saying Jesus name.

I still sometimes fall - but it is get further and further between. I also know that when I do fall - God is ready with forgiveness and grace to pick you back up again and lead you back on track.

Hope that might help a bit

God Bless
Silvertusk

[zoegirl]

First understand that you don't overcome this in order to be with Christ. You come to Him in all of your sin nature so that He can begin a new creation. You don't heal yourself before going to a doctor, you go to the doctor to be healed.

Secondly, you will need to find someone you trust who can help keep you accountable. This is one of those sins that flourishes in private...Block everything on the computer, etc.

Finally, go to him with your struggles. I know I'm not a guy, but I am single and I hope I can understand in part the struggle you face. One thing I have learned is that Sin often is a barricade to Christ but that is because of the guilt we carry. Like a child avoids his parents after breaking a window, we will avoid God after a sin. And yet that was the very reason Christ went on the cross for us!! Boldly go to Him for forgiveness and pray to Him, talking to Him, pouring out your struggles. In part that is why I love the verse on my signature so much. When my thoughts would stray (and I struggled with jealousy, envy for married's as well as general loneliness and lust....so imagine being in church and longing for that arm around me when I would see a man put his arm around his wife...[not his specific arm mind you, I don't struggle with envy towards any specific guy just that experience]). I had to practice "taking every thought captive. "

There are a couple of books out there to help get started. I believe one of them is called "Every Man's battle" .

[jlay]

Why do lost people miss this?

Wake up man. While you are now in your sin, Jesus Christ died for you.
The bible doesn't say, stop sinning, clean up your life, and then maybe if you are lucky, Jesus will die for your sins.
He already did it. It's done. Finished.

I cannot become a Christian and then *knowingly* defy God's will by doing these things.

You won't become one thinking you have anything to bring to the table. YOu think your perversions can undo the work of the Savior? You need to repent. Repent of the idea that you are somehow beyond help. Repent of the idea that you have anything to contribute to your salvation. Jesus paid it all. Not you.

You know you are a sinner. You know your porn and lust are wrong. By knowing that you are closer than most out there. But you need to know that you are truly helpless. You can't make yourself fit for God's Kingdom. Trusting Jesus will make you fit for his Kingdom/.

You want to do something really radical? Trust Christ. Trust that He is bigger than your sin. That His life, death and resurrection, have reconciled vile sinners like you and me to Himself. Stop trying. Start trusting.

[zoegirl]

Amen!! Praise Him!!! Nice job Jlay

[Gman]

Sorry to get off topic, but how can I overcome my sexual immorality? I cannot become a Christian and then *knowingly* defy God's will by doing these things.

Basically it's a dead end... In the end it will leave you lonely and slowly make you unsocial.. So how can you correct it? Save it for your wife!!! There is nothing wrong with sex at all as long as it is spent on someone you love.. Any other way is a slow death and sinful. Trust me...

Try it, you will like it, including the sex because now it is real..

[jlay]

Gman,

I wouldn't recommend marital sex (or any sex) for anyone struggling with this severe a porn addiction. Not until they have acheived some victory in this area.

Rarely does the marital bed resemble anything from the debauchery of the porn industry. And for good reason.
It usually leads to men who see their partners as little more than an object to satisfy their festishes and perversions. It degrades women. Marriage is not the answer to a porn addiction.

Paul, the reason you should stop this isn't to make yourself good enough to get to heaven. God has already loved you, even in your lowest possible state. The reason is exactly what you already know. It is wrong. Your conscience tells you it is wrong. It also tells you that this is tearing your life apart. The reason you see yourself as unsavable is because of the guilt and shame that is building in your soul. Our sins seperate us from God, because our sin is at enmity with Him. This is why it is such a struggle for you. Your mind is warring against you.

If you need to get help, then so be it. Get it. Every Man's Battle is a good book to read. So is Beth Moore's, "When Godly People do Ungoldly Things."

[Gman]

Gman,

I wouldn't recommend marital sex (or any sex) for anyone struggling with this severe a porn addiction. Not until they have acheived some victory in this area.

Rarely does the marital bed resemble anything from the debauchery of the porn industry. And for good reason.
It usually leads to men who see their partners as little more than an object to satisfy their festishes and perversions. It degrades women. Marriage is not the answer to a porn addiction.

I'm in no way endorsing the porn industry, but I really don't see anything wrong with sex, unless of course, it is used in the confines of marriage. Obviously, if there is runaway sex, that needs to be addressed, but I don't think that sex needs to be stifled..

[zoegirl]

One of the biggest issues, though, is that porn can be very very addictive...such that even if you marry, it can still destroy the marriage, because the man still uses porn, even if he is having sex with only his wife.

[Gman]

One of the biggest issues, though, is that porn can be very very addictive...such that even if you marry, it can still destroy the marriage, because the man still uses porn, even if he is having sex with only his wife.

Yes.. That needs to be destroyed... But not sex with your wife.

[Canuckster1127]

Porn and sex addiction is usually about something else that the sex and porn is being used to compensate or escape from. It happens within marriages as well as to singles.

Sex within a marriage is a important thing. Paul speaks about interupting it for a period of time however sometimes for the purpose of prayer.

It's a case by case basis but sometimes when the person struggling with a sex or porn addiction is married, it is appropriate for a set period of time for sex to be suspended so that the conditioned response can be worked on, health restored to the addicted partner and in the end for the marriage to experience healing and it's better when that time ends. It should be a mutual decision though and one which both partners are committed to together.

[PaulB007]

Why do lost people miss this?

Wake up man. While you are now in your sin, Jesus Christ died for you.
The bible doesn't say, stop sinning, clean up your life, and then maybe if you are lucky, Jesus will die for your sins.
He already did it. It's done. Finished.

I cannot become a Christian and then *knowingly* defy God's will by doing these things.

You won't become one thinking you have anything to bring to the table. YOu think your perversions can undo the work of the Savior? You need to repent. Repent of the idea that you are somehow beyond help. Repent of the idea that you have anything to contribute to your salvation. Jesus paid it all. Not you.

You know you are a sinner. You know your porn and lust are wrong. By knowing that you are closer than most out there. But you need to know that you are truly helpless. You can't make yourself fit for God's Kingdom. Trusting Jesus will make you fit for his Kingdom/.

You want to do something really radical? Trust Christ. Trust that He is bigger than your sin. That His life, death and resurrection, have reconciled vile sinners like you and me to Himself. Stop trying. Start trusting.

The way I have always understood it, is that you have to repent for your sins and *mean* it in order for Christ's sacrafice to matter. That you can't just say "oh I believe and that gives me a free pass to do whatever I want" To me your repentance wouldn't have much meaning if you continue to sin over and over and over again and not try your hardest in your heart to not do so. Or am I misunderstanding?

[zoegirl]

SAying "I want to change Jesus, please help me" is a far cry from "I need to change before coming to Jesus"

[jlay]

The way I have always understood it, is that you have to repent for your sins and *mean* it in order for Christ's sacrafice to matter.

What does the word repent mean?

It means to change one's mind. In no Lexicon is repentence defined as stopping one's sin. There are cases where the bible says to repent of one's sin. But sin is always specified in these cases as the object to repent of.

If you believe that your issues aren't sinful, then why would you require a Savior? In this case, you couldn't become a Christian, because you don't see any need to be saved. It sounds to me like you have repented of the idea that your sins are find and dandy. That's a good thing.

If you didn't believe in Jesus message (John 5:21) then you can not be saved. What would you need to change your mind towards? Belief. That doesn't mean, that belief is a matter of will. But trust is.

As far as "meaning it." How can you will yourself to mean something? Sincerity is a heart matter, not a head matter.
Do you want to be saved?
The bible says, "whoever calls upon the name of the Lord, will be saved."
Do you KNOW that you need a savior? Do you believe that there is a creator God. Do you believe He sent His son, Jesus? Do you believe that Jesus lived without sin, died for your sins, was buried and raised back to life?

[PaulB007]

I guess it's not the fact that I can not be a Christian if I can't overcome sin, I just have a hard time wondering if for example I were having sex with someone, and I thought of what God would think, and then just ignored it and did my thing. Then later on said I was sorry, then continued the same course of action. Like consciously being aware when I am comitting the sin that I know in my heart its wrong. Can this type of sin be forgiven? I thought I heard in the bible that consciously sinning, being aware of it and still doing it while you are thinking of God is the worst kind of sin.