What I mean is how you are defining, "Christian." Obviously not the same way most of us here are. If we properly use the word Christian as one who has come to know Christ as savior, you might see where we would take exception to your claim. For one it would be a self-defeating claim. If you were a genuine Christian, you knew Him, were in dwelt by the Holy Spirit. I don't think that is what you mean. So at worst, you aren't being honest with us when you say you were a Christian. At best, you are using the word Christian incorrectly. Perhaps you have some explanation different than these two, which you are welcome to share. There really isn't any point in discussing anything further until you've adequately explained this.Not sure what else I could mean by that. I mean I was a Christian but after much study I do not think that God exists now. Its very freeing to know that I am responsible for my self and not some god who is in the air. I have come to value life even more because I know that this is it and there wont be another chance to enjoy the ones I love.
You then say that 'study' led you to disbelieve. Yet, this is very arbitrary. Study of what? Not really sure what this 'freeing' thing has to do with study, and I find it very interesting that you mention both in the same thought. I'm sure a child feels 'freed' when they leave the rule of their parent's home. But that hardly makes the child a non-child, or an orphan. Please feel free to share with us which evidence you studied that confirmed that Christ was the wrong choice. Let's be specific here.
Then you claim to have found more 'value.' I find it odd that you would attribute 'value' to something as arbitrary as your life. I'm speaking from a materialist/naturalist worldview here. Apart from the Christian world view life is meaningless. The result of random chance process. You can't even have value apart from what God has put in you. Not real value anyway. You see what you are doing here is trespassing on the Christian worldview. A real shame that you trespass on the Christian worldview and deny it in the same breath. I'm sure you don't see it that way.
So you are an agnostic then? By your own admission you say, "I don't know." As far as I can tell, you have claimed to be two things, yet the evidence of your own words says you are neither. I've already addressed the Christian claim. And you certanly aren't being consistent with the atheist world view.I don't know, because I wasn't there. I do think there has to be a better answer than creationism or big bang or evolution though. I think all three of those theories have huge holes in them.