no matter the circumstance, if you hear it, you're damned?

[862798263789]

First off, I want to apologize for the length of this post, there's alot on my mind.
During my insomniatic bout tonight, I found myself at this forum with some unanswered questions, and i'm hoping by starting my own discussion I can get some help. I'm fine for years, and then one night when I can't sleep I realize I might die very soon- and I panic.

First, my background.
I was born to a Catholic father and a Baptist mother- they eloped only after they found out they were pregnant with me. My mum was 19 and my dad was 23, and he had to borrow a car from a friend to pick up my mum for their wedding after his parents found out she wasn't Catholic and refused to have anything more to do with him. They tried to stick together for 2 years, but eventually divorced. My dad returned to his parents, who forgave him since he saw the "errors of his ways" and I didn't see or hear anything from his side of the family until 4 years later, when his new girlfriend found out he had a 6 year old daughter he wasn't taking care of and demanded he see me.
My dad's parents finally counted me as a grandchild then, but I always knew at that young age that something was wrong with me, the way the aunts always whispered about my parents when they had too much wine... how I'll never really "count" because I shouldn't have happened if my parents were devout in their faith.

My mum eventually remarried, this time to a Lutheran man, once again after finding out they were pregnant... you see the trend? I was baptized at the age of 8 and later started my catechism in his church at 13. I had always condsidered myself to be strong of faith, even if it was at times a little confusing.
Eventually though, things weren't so easy. I was part of the christian groups at school, but it seemed so fake, all just a show. You show up for morning prayer and then go back to your gossip and flirting and cussing and partying. We had a megachurch in our small town that everyone went to, contemporary with the projection screens and youthful minister and rock band. It all seemed to be distracting, and I never really fit in with the "jesus freaks" because I wasn't witnessing and living for God every second of the day. I never understood the phrase "holier than thou" until highschool- where people would actually turn up their nose at you if you were the least bit shakey in your faith. I even went to a huge event in where I saw musicians like Toby Mac and Relient K. But all that seemed fake once I started to look closely... The concert scene distracted from the whole point. Kids would sneak off to smoke pot or have sex because it was one huge, unsupervised teen party. Eventually the youth minister was caught having an affair with a 14 year old, but no one was bothered by it because he came out and apologized for it, and he was "such an awesome leader anyway". Slowly I started to question everything: How my parents taught me from day 1 how important it was to follow their faiths- while both demominations preaching against the other. Why would God condemn those who never even had a chance to hear the word, when all these christians did whatever they wanted, only to crawl back every sunday to say "oops... I screwed up again... Forgive me?" How can we say our faith, which is so flimsy for the majority of us, is right, and condemn those who believe differently? Let's say my mum was jewish, or buddist? I would have grown up hearing the word from the judging, neglectful side of the family, but taught different beliefs from the more reliable side. I slowly started leaning over the years towards and agnostic attitude: from the beginning of time we've been searching for God, but who am I to say what's correct? If I choose wrong, no matter it be christianity, buddism, or islam, I'm damning myself. Nights like these I get that feeling that I'm screwing myself over and want to scramble back to my roots because I've spent the most time there.

Fast forward to my senior year. I meet a wonderful, caring man after some really (really!) crappy boyfriends (one of whom liked to spout scripture to me to prove my suboordination!)  This man is my best friend, my lover, and my family; the only constant thing i've had in my life for the past 6, years. He's what has helped me through 5 funerals, my father trying to crash my life, and my mother's suicide attempts. We don't look forward to marriage, because between his family's track record and mine, it's a sort of curse. We do know one thing we want- a family. But we want to wait until we are able to give our child everything we weren't able to have.

One of the issues I'm having now- and I'm going to explain his family's outlook on religion in a bit- is as a "soft-boiled" agnostic (as I've seen it described on here) could I deal with the guilt of possibly damning my child by not raising them in a christian household? And what of my boyfriend, who is completely agnostic? I know whatever I decide he'll support me 100%, but to get him to believe? That would take, well, a miracle.

This would be a good time to tell you how he grew up. His family is Siox. From a reservation in Oaklahoma. I've had long discussions with his mum about her family- how her mother was taken away from home and left at a boarding school and never saw her parents again. How her brother stoof on the step and asked "what did we do wrong? What is wrong with us?". How they were taught that generations of beliefs were wrong, their whole identity as a people was ignorant and disgusting, and if they were to be accepted into society they would abandon it completely. Their whole nation is still hurting from this upheavel, and everyone else likes to think it's history- like the revolution or slavery. Needless to say in the school they went through the motions because it was the way to survive, but it was impossible to be treated this way and take this completely foreign faith to heart the way it was dished out. Am I to believe that because they've heard the word, even though the circumstances were... monsterous... they are all damned?

And I know there's a few people out there who'd say "well, it's your responsibility to show them that christianity is about Christ's love and giving yourself to Him."

Yeah, but 1.) I have issues myself.
2.) Do you want to be the one to pick open that large scab?

It is questions like these that keep me up at night.

[B. W.]

"862798263789"

First, welcome to the board. Let me say everyone has issues and two we all have scabs that only Jesus can touch and heal by removal of the infected scab and the processes of cleansing which comes next.

Hate to say it but you describe an experience that fits so many in the modern Church world today. First and foremost is that the cure for this malady is this: whom does one place their faith and confidence in. If not in Christ, the malady will continue. If in Christ the maladies will lessen and finally cease. So to begin let me quote this passage of Scripture to you first and then ask a question to you at the end:

John 8:34-36, "Jesus answered them, "...The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." ESV

Do you believe what Jesus says?
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[mandelduke]

and then one night when I can't sleep I realize I might die very soon- and I panic.

.

I’m sorry sounds like your childhood really sucked. We do seem to have a lot in common, my childhood really sucked. I have been to many funerals, the last one was my youngest daughters 18 months ago, she died 4 days before her 19th birthday. Other funerals I have been to was My only brother in 1985, my fathers in 1986, my mothers in 1989, and my best friend of 25 years in 1989. And I am married to a Native American, We live on the pearl river reservation in Choctaw Ms. The reason you panic when you think about dieing, is because you do not understand the love of God. If you new how much God loves you, you would look foreword to dieing. Please watch these video and audio teachings on Gods Love and Salvation. I listen to at least one of these a day, Not because I doubt Gods love for me. But I love to here of his love for me. ( FOOD FOR THE SPIRIT. ) I will be praying for you!
I will send you my e-mail and phone number if you need someone to talk to.



Boast Of The Lord’s Love For You, Not Your Love For Him (And watch)
Jesus's Gift Of Righteousness Has Made You An Heir Of The World


http://www.josephprince.org/Resources_Podcast2.html




Spirit Soul & Body

http://www.awmi.net/extra/conference_videos/ft_worth08




Here are two more audio teaching’s by Andrew

The War is over- Peace And Goodwill

http://www.awmi.net/extra/audio/1053


Hebrews Highlights-Enter Boldly

http://www.awmi.net/extra/audio/1061

[B. W.]

mandelduke this post is for you,

I find that it is interesting about living on the Pearl River reservation in Choctaw Ms. I go to the nations and returned from Cheyenne River Res in South Dakota, Eagle Butte. On 2-27-2011 at Eagle Butte in a local hotel Conference room held a meeting there. We expected 20 to 30 Lakota to show up. 130 did. There we 60+ that came to Christ that night. Many who did, at last report are attending bible study and church. I’ve held meetings in Mescalero NM (Apache) as well. Been involved on the Navaho nation - NM and AZ and Apache - White River, Cebeque, San Carlos areas AZ. If you are on Face Book, let me know (send me a PM), I have a few pictures posted there.
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[862798263789]

I think my biggest issue is the idea that the person I love is damned because of how he was raised. And the though that many of those I care about are too because of their devotion to their religion. Imagine someone telling you that all your life, everything your family has taught you and everything you have followed for years is wrong, and the one true religion is islam. It's a tough pill to swallow, and you'd probably listen politely and nod your head, maybe get your two cents in about Jesus., and then go back to what you were doing before.
Even in christianity alone there are so many denominations arguing over who's right on life everlasting. Is it Christ alone? What if I appear at the pearly gates, and then find out that'd I've done well, but continuous premarital sex (because I don't wish to be married) has cancelled out any good i've done. Or what if I find myself in purgatory, waiting on my devout family to bail me out and send me on to a better place? Or maybe I'm not meant to go to heaven at all.

My ancestors believed that we all sailed into existence from the land of the dead, and after our time here on earth we were buried deep within and our being/soul/what have you was dispersed back into the earth so other things may live on. This belief has been ingrained so much in our blood that even though my mum is a full blown jesus-is-the-way-the-truth-and-the-light-every-moment sort of christian, she still believes the earth is full of souls. Is my own family in hell because of our heritage?

Call us horribly confused, blame the red hair.

Could this skew her chances at eternity? If not, isn't that like saying "okay, all you good works people, you weren't totally right at this getting to heaven thing, but come on in anyway."

once again, sorry for the rant. This is pretty much a lifetime's amount of questions spewing out.

[B. W.]

I think my biggest issue is the idea that the person I love is damned because of how he was raised. And the though that many of those I care about are too because of their devotion to their religion. Imagine someone telling you that all your life, everything your family has taught you and everything you have followed for years is wrong, and the one true religion is islam. It's a tough pill to swallow, and you'd probably listen politely and nod your head, maybe get your two cents in about Jesus., and then go back to what you were doing before.
Even in christianity alone there are so many denominations arguing over who's right on life everlasting. Is it Christ alone? What if I appear at the pearly gates, and then find out that'd I've done well, but continuous premarital sex (because I don't wish to be married) has cancelled out any good i've done. Or what if I find myself in purgatory, waiting on my devout family to bail me out and send me on to a better place? Or maybe I'm not meant to go to heaven at all.

My ancestors believed that we all sailed into existence from the land of the dead, and after our time here on earth we were buried deep within and our being/soul/what have you was dispersed back into the earth so other things may live on. This belief has been ingrained so much in our blood that even though my mum is a full blown jesus-is-the-way-the-truth-and-the-light-every-moment sort of christian, she still believes the earth is full of souls. Is my own family in hell because of our heritage?

Call us horribly confused, blame the red hair.

Could this skew her chances at eternity? If not, isn't that like saying "okay, all you good works people, you weren't totally right at this getting to heaven thing, but come on in anyway."

once again, sorry for the rant. This is pretty much a lifetime's amount of questions spewing out.

It’s okay to rant. There will be others that will respond. Question is that we, nor you, really know if you ancestors or family members made the change. It is best to leave that matter in the Lord’s hands. The other question is for you: do you know Matthew 11:28, 29, 30c?

Would you like that kind of rest?
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