Stuff before marriage : /

[Short1]

Alright, straight to the point:

My girlfriend and I struggle a bit with fooling around before marriage.. we are entirely committed to not having sex, but we are getting further and further in other forms.. petting and whatnot.

I just think it's kind of weird how marriage makes it instantly okay. Like if I got married tomorrow, it's all good. Is it just because of that lifelong bond that's there? Because nothing else would change, I would love her just as I do now. So are all activities outside of marriage instantly lust? If I married her tomorrow, what would change? Is it possible to do things outside of marriage and not be lusting?

[CeT-To]

Hello Short, to be honest i think if you and your gf have already made the commitment to get married and become lifelong partners then i think its okay. I mean God would know that you have made the promise and that's all is needed, the rest is just festivities. The main point of sex in marriage is so that people don't go sleeping around ( like today ..), God has declared that sex is fruitful in a marriage probably because it makes your relationship grow with the other, if everyone slept around with everyone else sex wouldn't be intimate any more and would become lustful ..plus jealousy would go around, it would destroy and create chaos among relationships. Not to mention STDs.

God bless!

[neo-x]

Short, not to sound like a typical conservative, while I understand what the POV of Cet-To is, I would not recommend it. The is the same type of logic which made man sin in the first place, by sin I only mean disobedience.(no offense Cet-TO, i know it is not your intention). But the bible clearly says that adultery is disobedience to God. now I am engaged as well and to be honest I find my self often in your situation, short. And I can tell you that what you are saying, sometimes makes some kind of sense to me as well, Nonetheless, it would be in disobedience to God, marriage is pure not because you love her but because it carries the blessing of God into your commitments for each other. Without that covenant(marriage) before God, it is plain sex nothing else. remember our love doesn't substitute the blessings of God nor the authority. I would humbly say, patience bro and if you find it difficult then get married quickly.

[CeT-To]

No offence taken Neo

I have a question, when you said this "the bible clearly says that adultery is disobedience to God"

If a Christian couple make a vow to make a life commitment to each other in front of God ( basically marriage) ( taking into account His omnipresence) how would that be adultery? do you think God cares if its signed on a piece of paper or if he can hear church bells ? Isn't that being superficial and straying away from the heart of the message?

"marriage is pure not because you love her but because it carries the blessing of God into your commitments for each other"

I don't see how the blessing of God to the commitment in the account i invented would not be applied.

By the way Neo by no way am i saying what you are doing is wrong, i certainly do commend you for what you are doing in God's eyes

But like i said in the post i do not think that the example i created is sinful.

God bless!!

[Silvertusk]

I am with Neo on this one. The world says that it is alright to have sex before marriage. The Bible said that it is at its purest in marriage. To be honest with my wife and I, I think we both wished we had waited till we were married before we had sex because then it would mean so much more and felt so much more special but we didn't and there are some regrets. So Short - if you have the will (and pray to God to help you with that) I would wait.

God Bless
Silvertusk.

[neo-x]

If a Christian couple make a vow to make a life commitment to each other in front of God ( basically marriage) ( taking into account His omnipresence) how would that be adultery? do you think God cares if its signed on a piece of paper or if he can hear church bells ? Isn't that being superficial and straying away from the heart of the message?

I used to think like that and I agree with you, it makes sense and honestly I do not think God cares if it is signed on paper, you are absolutely right about that. But I would still adhere to follow the principle of the Gospel since it applies to all believers that whatever we must do, should not be a cause of stumbling for others nor our good deed or freedom should be a cause for people to criticize the Bible or Christianity or the name of our Lord, on the contrary our action not only should be pure at heart but also on the surface so that no one may ridicule God or his people by our actions. (world will ridicule at us nonetheless but at least we should not provide an opportunity). Paul emphasized on marriage not only religiously but socially as well, to be accepted in the church. And this was also required for being a minister as well that he should be acknowledged as married. So in the wider scope we should keep everything in sight, other wise it would create problem, if one is accepted so must be all, but then it would fall into a sort of tradition to not marry socially since you know it in your heart. Imagine the consequences of it. So even if you think that once committed in hearts the commandment "You shall not commit adultery" doesn't apply to the couple, it is more in the sense of right and wrong, on principle with regards to the gospel that I advise as such.

And I didn't mean your example was sinful for the sake of it. You meant to help and in that you were right but overall it does present some problems. Had it always been kept the way it should have been, at least we will not have adulterers doing it in the name of logic, because more often this freedom which you and I are talking about is used as a cover for sin.

By the way Neo by no way am i saying what you are doing is wrong, i certainly do commend you for what you are doing in God's eyes

I plan to marry soon, anyways.

God bless you, bro.

[neo-x]

The world says that it is alright to have sex before marriage. The Bible said that it is at its purest in marriage.

I agree silvertusk, In a lot of case it ends up being an excuse to sin rather than one of the Holiest Covenants between man and woman, not to mention Christ and church. So, Short if you and your gf have decide and committed to be life long partners, how much can it hurt to just go to a church and make it official. In front of God, society and witnesses. By doing this you not only honor yourselves but God as well in front of others and such a deed, a strong married life, is also a good testimony to God's grace and love. God bless you.

[dorkmaster]

But what about the people thousands of years ago? Marriage in the form it is now did not exist in early biblical times. So is it possible that people are " married" if they've made the 'commitment' to each other already, it just hasn't been finalized by the law?

[waynepii]

Let's not forget the [secular] institution of marriage provides significant protection to both parties and also (and more importantly) to any children that may result from the "stuff".

[neo-x]

But what about the people thousands of years ago? Marriage in the form it is now did not exist in early biblical times. So is it possible that people are " married" if they've made the 'commitment' to each other already, it just hasn't been finalized by the law?

The biblical reason I mentioned is in the form of what immediate society you live in and in that you must be acknowledged as well as in the church. Marriage by today standard has to be recognized by law and/or church (if it is a non-Christian marriage then by law only or by their own region). Same was the case in earlier times, that is why people were invited because it was a social event, in that it was acknowledged, witnessed and celebrated and that can be traced far back into civilization.

[neo-x]

Let's not forget the [secular] institution of marriage provides significant protection to both parties and also (and more importantly) to any children that may result from the "stuff".

Of course it does, but nonetheless marriage would be considered social in its nature since it forms an additional family unit in society. In a Christian context this would also include Biblical themes.

[PaulSacramento]

Marriage is about a commitment between two people.
The significance of the "paper" is a legal one, no more, no less.
It makes it a binding contract between two parties and all that the contract encompasses under the Law.
When the vows are give under God, it takes the level of commitment to another level, it is no longer simply a "legal" matter but a matter of profound spiritual and ethical and moral significance.
The issue of sex before marriage is really the issue of sex before commitment.
If you are committed to each other and have openly made that commitment under God then you ARE committed under God.
The formal presence of witnesses just makes the matter more "legal".
There is no greater authority than God and once a pledge has been made under God, it is to God that one will answer to.
As for it being right or wrong to have sex before marriage, well, that is between two people and their God.

[Alpha~Omega]

Maybe this will help as ive struggled with this issue as well.
http://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html

Dont fall to temptation. and
Consider this carefully. also
You cant take your virginity back.

Just some things to consider, I hope this helps you man.

[neo-x]

There is no greater authority than God and once a pledge has been made under God, it is to God that one will answer to.
As for it being right or wrong to have sex before marriage, well, that is between two people and their God.

While I understand your reservations on this, you can't apply this to a system on a whole.

[PaulSacramento]

There is no greater authority than God and once a pledge has been made under God, it is to God that one will answer to.
As for it being right or wrong to have sex before marriage, well, that is between two people and their God.

While I understand your reservations on this, you can't apply this to a system on a whole.

Paper is just that, a marriage licence is just paper, it does not automatically make it permissible to have sex.
If that was the case then vows under God would be irrelevant, right?
And if it is the vow that matters then the vow is what matters, right?
It's a very tricky slope at times and at other times, not so much.
Sexual incompatability can destroy marriages, I've seen it.
We date to get to know each other, our likes and dislikes, to see if we are compatiable, why should sexual compatibility be any different?
I am not saying to schlack on the first date, I am saying that when a relationship gets serious then it's time to get serious about the relationship and to see if teo people ARE right for each other.
Marriage is a serious thing on ALL levels, to go into it with a huge "unknown" like sex is just asking for trouble and makes it seem that marriage is about sex and not about a TOTAL commitement between two people.